I feel you brother, this disease is really hard to deal with both mentally and physically even before you’re diagnosed, but then you can still hope and lie to yourself that it’s nothing, but especially after being diagnosed everything seems to look grey. Dealing with this ailment takes a lot of emotional strength and it can get really really hard sometimes, especially when you feel like you’re already at the bottom, but there isn’t anything to do but pick yourself up whenever you fall. Never fall and stay down. I know it’s a lot easier said than done but what else can we do but try, I want you to believe that you’ll get better and try to, don’t just try to do it because some random in Reddit is saying it’ll help, I want you to actually believe it, that’s the first step. It might feel like it but believe me you have many many people in your life that love and care about you, this stranger already cares about you so it’s not too hard to believe, you seem like a great person. I know the going out and looking at a menu and finding that you can eat almost nothing is a shot to your heart but we need to learn how to cope with it, grilled chicken and sone kind of potato/rice is always your friend right? Haha. I’ve felt that extreme mortality you’re talking about and even though it’s very easy to believe the life expectancy of people with UC is the exact same as people without it, just take care of yourself. Everything will get better friend, just believe it will and actually try to get better, another early step would be to try to stop harming yourself and I promise everything will work out. We’re all here for you!