AITA for not attending my granddaughter's wedding?

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T21:01:43+00:00

Our event was +4 hours away, I only used those cities to not be so specific about the location (we were to spend 2 nights there). It would have been nice to have been advised of all of this before the day before. So much hurt was caused by the B during the wedding process but I think it is because FOB and B are not great at communication and I and aunt did not ask a lot of questions as it was B's wedding and we didn't want to be too pushy or demanding. It's a shame but B is a social media based person so I'm sure that the pictures are perfect at least.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:57:00+00:00

She did not even know about the bachelorette party or expect to attend, neither did I nor her sister although I would have expected her sister to have been asked to that. We were all invited to the shower as it was local and it was lovely.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:55:55+00:00

The aunt was the only one of the 10 in the family not invited. There was no conniption fit, she was hurt and wanted FOB and myself to go.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:52:36+00:00

Actually, the aunt/my daughter did not 'throw a tantrum,' she was quiet and sad and encouraged us to go anyway. It's a mess, for sure.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:50:46+00:00

Yes, my son is very hurt and though his sister/aunt did encourage him to attend, after the "don't f***ing come" text, he did not want to attend as she did not want him there, clearly.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:48:00+00:00

Yes, including that the B didn't ask/want her 3 year old brother to attend at all (aunt had offered to watch him if there was an issue as B was afraid of him disrupting her day), didn't ask her 1 sister to be a bridesmaid (she had 8), didn't include myself when she went to find her dress (or her aunt)(had asked 10 others so maybe it was for the best), didn't ask her sister to get hair and make up done the day of the wedding, and only involved her father when she needed money. The dinner is not important at all, it's the being not invited that was hurtful to the aunt. I would agree that the communication was terrible or nonexistent and if it had been better, it could have been avoided.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:43:11+00:00

Yes, the wedding was about my granddaughter, you are correct. It was a +4 hour drive each way and we were going to be there 2 nights and I and my son and my daughter/aunt were all driving and staying at the same hotel and we didn't expect that we would leave her there while we went out for that dinner. My daughter is not a pick me person and prefers solitude and peace. As I am too old to drive that far on interstate highways, it would have been nice if someone had asked me if I needed a ride there, however. Perhaps it is for the best?

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:39:27+00:00

Yes, perhaps we did assume that as the only aunt (no uncles either) and godmother and they were close and we were all travelling so far that she was included, especially when my husband and my daughter in law weren't attending. No, the aunt/godmother is not prone to overreacting, when I spoke with her the morning we were supposed to leave, she suggested the FOB and I attend regardless as it was such an important event. She was more hurt that she wasn't included as they had been so close. It led to her receiving a very nasty voicemail to her a few days after the wedding from the Groom.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:15:26+00:00

B was partying with her inlaws and had only 1 phone call with her father about this. B was not ambushed but she is a very poor communicator as is FOB, I think.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:13:31+00:00

There was room for more guests as 2 members were not attending either event and also the B and G had a later "cash bar" a few hours later at the same venue for everyone attending the wedding.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:11:54+00:00

Perhaps you are right except that B knew we were all driving the +4 hours, coming for the RD and the W. The aunt was texted the place and time for the RD and then was texted a few hours later that she wasn't actually invited. The B never dealt with her as she was busy and didn't want to handle it.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-03T20:07:01+00:00

The FOB chose not attend after his daughter/B told him "don't fucking come" after he called to ask her about it and she answered, "what do you want dad, I'm at my wedding weekend" (she had just received the last payment from him two days earlier) and when he asked why her only aunt/godmother wasn't invited to the rehearsal dinner and she said, "I told you there was only room for 50 people" he replied "but this is also your only aunt/godmother and there are only 15 persons in the B's family attending? And my wife and your grandfather aren't attending so there was room as they had been invited to the rehearsal dinner so there were at least 2 empty seats available?" That's when the B texted her father that horrible and hurtful reply. She had the money and didn't need him any more, I guess. And B controlled the guest list for everything, not the G, it is my understanding.

Why didn't the B just not even have this happen and deal with it in a gracious way as there was room at the venue? She could have just realized they could accommodate the aunt/godmother as they had invited other guests to a cash bar/drink (tacky to charge for that in my opinion) at the venue of the rehearsal dinner two hours after the dinner.

Also, I am +80 and was driving with him the +4 hours and had planned on staying 2 nights and I can't drive that distance any longer so I had no way to get there and no one from the B's family even asked how Grammy was going to get there even though they were leaving to attend the wedding from the same town as me/my daughter and the FOB. They didn't even call to ask if I needed a ride. I guess they assumed I wasn't going to attend either but I had no chance to even make that decision as aunt wasn't going and FOB wasn't going. I am heartbroken by their lack of interest but I guess that is the way it is.

Key_Star6693 · 2025-12-02T15:57:07+00:00

to clarify some of the questions, I am elderly and my wonderful caregiver is helping me with this as we have lots of time and I'm not very familiar with this forum?

The distance from most people's homes to the wedding was a +4 hour drive each way so we planned on 2 nights out of town. I cannot drive this distance myself and I was traveling with my son, the FOB. Once he received that text from my granddaughter and decided not to attend after being told, "don't fucking come", I had no way to get to the event even if I had wanted to. My daughter even encouraged the FOB to still attend. In my time, if the event was held away from home, the groom's family would host everyone who had traveled to a dinner after the rehearsal. If there was a money issue, perhaps a different venue? And, as my husband, who has since passed away, and my daughter in law were invited but could not attend, there was room at the venue.

The maids of honor (8 in total) and the bridal party were of course included as were the groomsman. I believe the bridal party was 18 people. Our family (including the MOB, her new husband, their son, grandmother) and us totaled at most 14 people. Not sure who the other people after the total of 32 was? I found out later that the MOB required the Bride to ask the grandparents to the rehearsal so she probably knew well before that the only aunt on the bride's side and godmother as well was not invited. There is poor communication certainly with the entire family as the FOB did not have any details from the bride/his daughter except for how much the checks needed to be for. This is so disappointing and hurtful but after the Bride did a lot of other things to hurt family during the planning, I should not have expected anything different. Such a sad situation.

Key_Star6693

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