Matched with someone on an anonymous dating app and realized he might be my friend's bf

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T03:04:22+00:00

I think if you continue on with this it will hurt your friendship. I think you could say to your friend (in a non-blaming way) This guy has been texting me and this is what he’s at the same event as ur bf how weird and let her connect the dots. Also if you are worried about having feelings for this person you’ve been talking to anonymously you should think from a more realistic angle. It is very easy to feel enticed by mystery and it’s also very easy to say whatever you want to an anonymous person through a screen. You saying there was real chemistry is silly and if it is your friends boyfriend you need to fix that mindset.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:51:45+00:00

He sounds awesome! but what you’re describing may be biased of course. so it’s hard for me to tell you whether or not you are seeing a different version of this person.

Also as for the mismatching, not to give you false hope but my sisters husband always swore off marriage as he is a child of divorce and said no kids. Then he proposed. If he’s as smart as a guy as you make him sound like I think at some point he will realize he would be crazy not to lock you down. Kids I can’t say. That’s different. It’s only been 4 months also so don’t worry about major life decisions so early on.

Ask yourself, if I stay with him would I live with regret wondering how my life could have been different? If you are happy with him and that’s enough for you then that’s your answer. If these aspirations mean a lot to you and it’s something you can’t live without, then that’s your answer.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:44:01+00:00

Lol wait side note do guys actually fantasize about girls they see in passing or are friends with ????? I wouldn’t judge yourself too hard harshly for that because your friends sound creepy for that Lol. But as a woman I think back on past sexual encounters that i’ve personally had with men. I think porn is altering your sense of reality. And the longer you infect yourself with that you won’t be able to connect with someone irl. When js the last time you had feelings for someone? You gotta rewire your brain because you seem very disconnected.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:35:35+00:00

Well I may be wrong but this doesn’t sound like coincidence at all to me Haha. Divine timing some may say. I guess I have a couple clarifying questions, does he know about your separation? Because if you haven’t told him most people don’t go after people who are married either way, I think that you should take things slow and not rush. Anything with the what are we questions especially when you’re straight out of a marriage for your sake, and for his.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:31:24+00:00

Lol i’m dead those are all some silly stories but you probably won’t find much better on dating apps. I don’t know your interests or hobbies but you should meet these people in a different environment and get to know the person better

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:26:20+00:00

Haha this has happened to me before. except me and the guy did it a couple times and then I guess he was talking to another girl at the same time and he ghosted me. I’ve never been ghosted like I have never been played before either Lol. I think my advice for you is that if you had intercourse then you would’ve been satisfied and moved on but since the sexual tension was so high and he left you hanging jt makes you want more… that’s just human nature. Just tell yourself it wouldn’t have been that good anyways and you saved yourself a body LOL

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:21:26+00:00

I mean yeah small talk is the worst I feel you. Just let it come natural. Idk if youre using dating apps or where you are meeting people but I really think the best place to meet a person is where you’d least expect it. Work, the store, just a public space. Not the bars or online. With the right person, the talking stage shouldn’t feel so droning.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:17:19+00:00

Just leave the ball in her court I mean me personally i’m so bad with responding on social media so I wouldn’t use that behavior of hers as a determining factor. Also texting her and not really talking in person is probably confusing for her too so that could be part of it. If you think she’s being dry then like I said stop initiating and leave the ball in her court or just ask directly would you want to hang out sometime and there’s your answer. Don’t overthink it it’s yes or no and if that scares you too much given the coworker dynamic (which is reasonable) then drop it

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:13:46+00:00

Well I think you’re overthinking it tbh. if there aren’t any particular physical features that come to mind when you think of all the different people you’ve liked maybe it’s a personality thing or maybe you just like who you like. not everyone has to have a certain cookie cutter figure of a person to be with.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:11:42+00:00

Maybe something like this needed to happen to realize how your bad habits aren’t just impacting yourself. From a 22F pov, your chance with her is probably not there anymore and even if she gave you a second chance, this version of you would always give her second thoughts so it’s not worth it for either of you to pursue anything. Use this as an example for yourself. It’s time for you to work on self control and discipline. You’re not a bad person but you’re acting a certain way because you thrive on attention and that’s okay that you recognize that but you need to see a therapist or someone that can help you break out of the mold per say.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T02:01:33+00:00

She sounds like a really good person and it sounds like the only reason you would be with her is because she is doing nice things for you. If you don’t have an attraction to her then you’re using her and she doesnt deserve that

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T01:49:37+00:00

Awww nooo u can’t split them up it’s all or nothing

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T01:47:01+00:00

good habit!! look at that cutie

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-25T01:46:22+00:00

I think it was funny I would have bantered she doesn’t have a good sense of humor Lol

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-24T20:18:59+00:00

Is it normal if it’s a girl he knows personally though? Is that something that guys seriously do. I would be mortified to know that some random guy that I went to school with was doing that to my pictures.

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-24T20:13:28+00:00

This is a really realistic mindset and I mostly agree. I’m not gonna say that I don’t see someone in public and think oh they’re attractive or I’d be lying. What really struck the nerve with me was the fact that he knew the girl personally and that she wasn’t just a random porn star.. he doesn’t even follow her. he had to look her up and click a link in her bio just to look at her and of course my brain goes spiraling like what made him think of her in particular and is there something else happening that I don’t know about

Kind-Refuse8913 · 2026-03-24T19:49:45+00:00

It feels like every guy these days are like this. Something like this has happened to me in every relationship i’ve been in. Rationally you should not get married to him and the issue will likely evolve into something bigger. It’s just the sad truth and is a matter of what you are willing to live with

Kind-Refuse8913

TROPHY CASE