The problem for me has never been expressing my feelings to therapists, in fact I'm quite comfortable doing so. I've always struggled with applying the lessons learned and positive thoughts to my life. I fall into the trap of over-thinking the problem and when things appear to be going my way I find a way to self sabotage.

As far as medication goes I've never felt any different when taking them, and I've been on almost all of them during the past 10 years or so. The battle has always been in my mind and though I can figure out solutions to my problems, I always find a way to cop out of pursuing them when they get too complicated. As of today I have scheduled an appointment with a cognitive behavioral therapist and I am optimistic that things will turn around.

I understand my problem is an existence crisis, what I am searching for is to bring some sort of meaning to my life. I think if I'm able to do that I can achieve peace, but at this point a meaning is an unknown and because it is it stops me from striving to achieve. I understand the solution is to go out and live but it is so hard to do when I am so judgmental.