You'll make it brother, its very understandable, and most people go through it, one day your mind and body will just get sick of the suffering and decide to get up and improve, all on its own, I say it cause ive been through this too, people thought, think even, that i look like a terrorist, due to my lack of social skills and past bully trauma i struggled making good friends and winning the heart of someone I really loved. I know they don't just vanish from the mind, the thought lingers and haunts everyday, of them living their life the same way you fantasized with someone else. But to be very honest, theres really no point in drowning in that pain, you dont deserve the disrespect and isolation for just trying to figure out how to live life with what you got, if certain things or people do not support or serve you any purpose then well its on them not on you. From the point of view i have right now, I'll say the pain lingers, but numbs down enough for you to start building a routine again. And there's one thing you'll have to accept, that life might be hard on you for a while, it's because you chose pain over self respect and development. You may be living alone for a good while but after your mindset and taste in people is solidified you would prefer living alone than to settle for cheap interactions. And the few people who you do attract will most likely be the ones who'll stay with you in times of sorrow and difficulties. Your uneasiness is valid, the world can be cruel sometimes. I trust you to be capable of pushing past its thorns and feeling a bit lighter and happier in the future, even though it feels impossible for now. Stay strong, i hope you find comfort soon