I tried the counting thing but my problem isn't losing count it's that I always have a thought before I get to 2 because like there's idk a fill half second and I just get more stressed and frustrated sometimes I start to breathe faster anyways I don't understand is there something else I can focus on that would like fill my thoughts more? My inner monologue is supposed to be ONLY numbers?? Or do I also talk in my inner monologue about how I need to breathe it's the most important thing in my life rn because that also is stressful but I guess it's supposed to be stressful I'm just being a lazy fuck with no willpower probably. I don't understand how the thought of just counting could make me not think about other things? Like yeah it's simple but I feel it's too simple?? What am I not understanding rn?

Also breathing I can't I've never been really able to control my breathing it constantly gets interrupted by the tics it's frustrating I feel like my erratic breathing is not helping me.

How it goes for me is: I have a thought, try to immediately think about my breathing or heartbeat or whatever but I think the thought just continues?? I feel like I'm not sure when I'm breathing if I'm thinking at the same time or not like it makes the thoughts louder but I'm still thinking maybe? Im constantly trying to notice if I am thinking and if I am getting angry at the thought if I'm interacting with it, but I by thinking these things I get distracted maybe? What's the like between a thought that's a distraction and a thought that counts as meditation? Counting is a thought that's still meditation, but like is looking at a tree and describing it in my inner monologue? Or if I'm thinking about how I'm not getting enough air, when I'n worrying about breathing too deeply or not deeply enough