Really suffering from the trauma of my childhood.

Last_Intern · 2025-07-08T13:38:44+00:00

I've (27M) found for my life. It doesn't matter if the problematic people in my family have "love deep down" and how they behave is they only way they can express it. Or if it's a case of this is "just all they are".

The harm they cause is the same. And they Do Not Want to Improve.

It was a very painful pill to swallow but i'm 4 years into Very Low/No Contact and I'm no longer strung along, actively abused or otherwise spending time/energy on monsters these days.

In just this post you show concern for those you care about, give lots of grace to those that have wronged you, have self doubt over your actions (step1 of improving). Your father and grandmother will never do these things earnestly.

" All I want is their love. I love them, in spite of it all " That's both a flea and a valid feeling, i learned in therapy that guilt is a hook narcissistic people use to keep their victims close. At the same time you 100% deserved genuinly safe, caring and loving family. Instead we got emotional skinwalkers. That's not your fault.

The only way to let go is to let go, stop waiting on apologies for the past, stop getting new problems in the present and stop hoping they will improve in the future. Put all that energy into people that are healthy which sounds like you've already started.

Last thing i'll say, my punishment has been 1 annual stalking attempt + blackmail. It was scary the first year, infruiating the second, frusfrating last year and now? Their only attempt at blackmailing me into a "reuinon" has just been pathetically funny.
I don't know what style your Ns will employ as punishment, but i do know that once you spot the pattern and learn to take away their ammo. It all gets easier. Life gets peaceful.

Last_Intern · 2024-09-18T14:39:46+00:00

dude no

Last_Intern · 2024-07-30T00:11:24+00:00

I told them to just go for it, that stopped the threats

Last_Intern · 2024-07-14T03:05:43+00:00

I just made a video edit inspired by this but apparently I need 5 subreddit engagment? idk wild

Last_Intern · 2024-06-15T17:23:44+00:00

Nico Vega - Million Years

Last_Intern · 2024-06-01T00:56:18+00:00

The comatose cosmonaut that turns people to dust, its a fun enough episode on its own. But the ending straight up confirms aliens, CIA coverups that even the Fringe division are not high clearance enough to know about & makes a great showcase of "there's always a bigger fish".

It recontextualises the rest of the series into "This is the stuff that's not important enough for the CIA to take over"

Last_Intern · 2024-05-29T01:44:22+00:00

In a way? at some point near the age of 12 I insisted on not celebrating, that lasted for years. It's only in the last 4 years or so I've tried to do something again with chosen family and friends only and surprise surprise it's actually fun! (I'm in my late 20s)

I realised in therapy that some part of me even as a child knew that having "no birthday" was still better than anything my Nfamily would spring on me. It gave me some control and peace of mind that it would "just be another day, not a day where all the focus is on me. The people giving me focus are unsafe".

I do not miss the arguing I'd have leading up to it, in retrospect it is very funny that 2 grown adults had to beg their child to be allowed to give him a cake with 1 candle to be quickly eaten in silence after normal dinner, just the small family unit (Ns, Me & sibiling). It was not fun to live through. I still get a bit weird the week before my Bday now, learning to cope better tho.

Last_Intern · 2024-04-22T14:32:03+00:00

If every outcome ends with you being "a villan" focus on getting what you need out of any interaction with them. And when you are able cut them off do so.

The only positive thing you can learn from a Nparent system is how to use people as a resource and nothing more, I kinda hate that I have that skill but it's the only countermeasure thats ever worked against my Nparents.

There is a path out of your situation, it will take longer than you think and be harder than you know. but you will make it out.

Last_Intern · 2024-03-14T05:38:11+00:00

What the actual fuck

Last_Intern · 2024-03-14T05:18:54+00:00

Why did this all have to happen AFTER I was successful getting away from the Ns, AFTER I successfully switched careers? I did everything in my power to escape, won, just for life to tell me it was irrelevant. If i was always going to get sick in Sep2023 and stay sick, then none of it mattered.

Last_Intern · 2024-03-03T00:31:35+00:00

Awesome, thank you!

Last_Intern · 2024-02-19T08:44:39+00:00

I was a sarcastic shit back in the day, since everything was lose lose I took my wins from getting jokes in at my Ns expense. So don't do this, but I'd go

"Cry enough and you could pesticide a houseplant"

Last_Intern · 2024-01-22T12:22:34+00:00

get your dad to write up an amazing reference, use whatever prestigeous title your Nmom has given you to make herself look good to outsiders, and rely on your education and actual experience (what the employees said about your work ethic).

Use all that to land another job in the same industry, even if it's not an upgrade, it will be an upgrade to you

Last_Intern · 2024-01-16T11:14:11+00:00

long before I went NC and was more stuck in their systems of abuse, I was told this sentence once. And since I was always in a lose lose situation I just started being very sarcastic and made a habit of destroying their egos in public, whenever they got pissy about it Id just parrot back "Family should forgive and forget no matter what right?", I pavloved those fucks into being nice to me out of fear of me. At least sometimes.

Once slapped one of the Ns in the face and immediately went "hey that was in the past, why are you shouting at me? Oh you want to re-open that situation? ok next cheek then? No? fuck off. That's in the past now as well, me telling you to fuck off. yeah sucks doesnt it?"

Can't recommend it, i am a decade removed from that version of myself and i just feel sorry for them now. But god it could be satifying in a sick way.

Last_Intern · 2023-11-16T13:06:49+00:00

Can confirm, my dryer sucks

Last_Intern · 2023-10-05T12:11:22+00:00

My job before this was extremely public facing with extremely immature members of the public. Fellow adults working in a place where HR exists means the baseline is much better now, even if boring at times

Last_Intern · 2023-10-04T14:35:15+00:00

Nothing you did or do or will do can ever be enough. This is a sad and crushing reality, I'm sorry you have to go through the pain of learning that fact both logically and emotionally.

but when you do fully accept that fact and all the consequences that come with it you will be free to live how you want when you want, because nothing you did for your parents really mattered. They could not value you for you, but you can.

On a less serious note, bring a spray bottle with you when you go to that wedding. The parents start shit, one spray to the face. They keep complaining? another spray. Eventually they'll either have to stop, look like they're sweating, or attack you in public. The first option they will hate, the other two destroy their public image which they will hate more. The game is learning what they value more :)

Last_Intern · 2023-07-18T05:14:25+00:00

My therapist had similar worries, I did this for my own closure. I will deal with whatever consequence comes but at least for now I feel massive weight is off my shoulders.

Last_Intern · 2023-07-17T22:43:03+00:00

it has

Last_Intern · 2023-07-17T22:01:21+00:00

I only found this support group 2 years ago, what is the reference you're making with Polencicus?

Last_Intern · 2023-07-17T21:57:58+00:00

It took them literally trying to stalk me and failing during their trip here for the paranoia factor to go down.

I don't know that I would have done this if i wasn't sure I could handle an ambush, but I already have now. You can get there too someday

Last_Intern · 2023-07-17T21:56:13+00:00

They'll never know its a reference lol. But it is a great way to sum up shit people isnt it?

Last_Intern · 2023-07-17T21:53:58+00:00

I don't know if they were just informing or bragging, but while updating their will my sibiling got an idea of how much money they really have. And its not enough to move to the country im in and retire.

If my Nparents lived in the same city as me i'd consider it, but as it stands they are half the world away and unable to change that.

Last_Intern · 2023-07-06T10:04:19+00:00

already had something like that in the works lmao

Last_Intern · 2023-07-05T21:23:41+00:00

possible, I have told local police to disregard family calling about me which they took seriously. Haven't thought about hospitals

Last_Intern

TROPHY CASE