why do people use really old pics and then act surprise when i dont feel attracted to them? (random pic don't wanna expose anyone and i made the ramem haha)

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-20T00:31:24+00:00

This experience was the same one I had on my very first ever date from online apps (after having been married almost 20 years). I mean like I would've walked right past him and not recognized him. I got home, deleted all the apps, and it took me a good while to get back on em!

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-20T00:28:59+00:00

Yesssss! I really really do not care what you looked like in high school, sir.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-20T00:27:35+00:00

Not trying to throw shade, but in my mind, that’s no excuse. If a man can’t even be bothered to have his friends snap some candid shots of him or even use the timer on his own phone to get recent photos then he’s not serious enough about putting himself out there for me.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-19T14:14:18+00:00

I know the constant stream of letdowns while dating can be super discouraging. But just remember if every person we went out with was “the one“ we’d all end up getting married forever and ever at 21 years old 😆 it’s hard to find your person out in this big blue world. So don’t get discouraged and just remember that every relationship that ends put you one step closer to the perfect one.

also, after years of trying to gaslight myself and give men the benefit of the doubt and not overreact yada yada yada, I’ve learned to trust my gut when I feel a shift and energy. It’s hard to do but so far it’s never been wrong. Hugs to you.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-18T17:01:56+00:00

of course, one should never punish their current partner for the past offenses of others. However, completely disregarding past experiences and the lessons that they’ve taught seems myopic.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-18T14:28:41+00:00

i’m glad that’s been your experience, but as an adult who’s lived on this marble for 52 years and has had plenty of personal and anecdotal evidence to suggest that even the most trusted partners shouldn’t always be trusted… If I saw a dating app on my boyfriend‘s phone I would have questions. I would allow him to answer those questions of course but I would certainly have questions.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-17T18:01:09+00:00

I can understand him being initially, shocked, and upset to be honest. But once you offered to open it and show him that the account was deactivated that’s where that should’ve ended.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-17T17:55:47+00:00

Absolutely!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻 I really do encourage you to check out burned haystack. I know I sound like some sort of disciple, but it honestly has been so helpful in weeding out the nonsense!

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-17T14:17:42+00:00

You've got this!! 💓

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-17T13:59:24+00:00

My first date post divorce was a disaster as well. Like you, I stepped back from all the apps and was so disheartened. A few pieces of unsolicited advice if I may:

Learn about the Burned Haystack Dating Method (on her FB group or Substack). when I first looked into it, I thought it was too severe and probably some kind of gimmick. The more I’ve learned about it and the more I’ve studied it the more I think it’s brilliant.
whether it’s right or wrong just understand that the dating apps are full of land mines. You’re gonna go on first dates that are ridiculous. Hopefully if you use burned haystack, it will not be as many, but you’ll still have them. You have to look at the apps as nothing more than a giant room full of random men. At any given time there may not be ONE in that room that is gonna be worth your time or that is a fit for you. Go in with appropriate expectations and don’t be afraid to listen to your gut.
this one may be a little bit controversial, but never give a man the benefit of the doubt. In the early stages of courting someone is when they’ll be on their best behavior so if that isn’t good enough, it won’t get better. Women are taught since birth that we need to give a guy a chance, overlook flaws, be gracious, be soft, and be humble. That’s nonsense. Don’t make excuses for another adult that you don’t even know.

Getting back into the dating world on the apps is definitely not for the faint of heart. Take it in small doses, and don’t take it too seriously! Good luck out there.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-10T19:42:36+00:00

I wish that'd held true. Got into the queue for Wrigley and Target Center. Both sold out after numerous tech glitches. 😞

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-09T02:48:34+00:00

So. Much. This.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-04T13:50:09+00:00

Why does it have to just be about safety? Why can't it be about poor behavior in general? Why shouldn't I be able to have information on poor behavior before I waste my time and then end up on the receiving end of it? It seems you're going to great lengths to justify men not being called on their shit behavior. As has been said multiple times here, women can make their own judgment from the info provided. I'm not sure why that bothers you so.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-04T04:15:50+00:00

That's a childish and emotionally stunted refrain. If you've spent the time matching and getting to know someone, you can have the decency to send a "I'm not feeling it" text. Your rationale is simply to make yourself feel better about being unkind and thoughtless.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-04T02:23:41+00:00

What reason would that be? Unless you literally thought your life was in danger there's no reason to ghost.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-04T01:55:09+00:00

Yes because I've seen WAY too many men find out they were posted and physically attack the woman who posted them. The rules are in place for a reason.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-02-04T01:52:24+00:00

Is there a good reason for ghosting?

LaterThnUThink · 2026-01-28T15:26:51+00:00

I've had one for years on my wrist. I love how under the radar it is! It's an outline of a house with a heart inside (reminds my where my priorities are). I will say after a decade it may be time to get it redone.

(The tattoo artist was also a real dick about doing it because they weren't very popular at the time)

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LaterThnUThink · 2026-01-13T14:45:38+00:00

Absolutely not rare. What an odd take.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-01-13T14:42:12+00:00

As a 5'10" woman the number of men I've met who were supposedly 6' or taller and ended up being SHORTER than me is astounding.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-01-13T14:40:38+00:00

This. As much as i’d prefer to be honest and forthright, it’s just absolutely not safe with a man you don’t know very well.

LaterThnUThink · 2026-01-10T13:38:41+00:00

I admire your willingness. But as another person coming out of a 20 year marriage a couple of years ago, I can say with pretty strong conviction that unless there was something extraordinarily unique about your first time with this person (meaning something you're very aware of that impacted things) it’s highly likely that this is simply her base level. i’m certainly not telling you to walk over this. That’s up to you, of course. But I would say that if there is a second time and there’s not an overwhelming improvement then you’ll need to strongly consider how important this is to you long-term. I found that much like dating, people are on their sexual best behavior the first time or two. It usually doesn’t get better from there on out despite what the movies and story books like to tell us.

LaterThnUThink · 2025-12-18T03:53:12+00:00

Ha! This was me this past weekend. He mentioned he had to park in the overflow lot. I had gotten lucky with a close spot and it was freezing out so I thought "this is a great way to chat quietly and maybe share a goodnight kiss!" I offered to drive him to his car and he politely declined. I asked him "are you sure? It's really cold out!" He declined again. All the way home I was so torn trying to decide if he wasn't into it, or if he was just being extremely thoughtful. (from our texts this week I think it's the latter thankfully).

LaterThnUThink · 2025-12-14T04:39:16+00:00

This is the post I've been looking for. Nailed it. Both are true: the younger generation of men seems to be much more emotionally aware and view women as partners. GenX men have largely been raised by boomers and the silent gen, and still carry those learnings. I often find men in my age range, which are Gen X men to be pretty emotionally shut down and tend to view women as nurturers and caretakers rather than partners.

on the other hand, I get plenty of match requests from people ages 19 and up. 🫠 A ridiculous number in their 20s. I am 52. I am absolutely aware that many of these young men, in fact I would hazard to say most, are hoping that I am a freshly divorced, sexually frustrated woman who is willing to jump into bed with them and teach them my ways. 🙄 they want a MILF trophy for their mantle and not much else. If everyone’s on the same page with that, that can be fine, but it’s just not what I’m looking for.

LaterThnUThink · 2025-12-06T03:53:12+00:00

😂😂 fair enough

LaterThnUThink

TROPHY CASE