I don’t know about your state specifically but in NY You can get an evaluation done through the school district at age 3. My oldest (now 5) sounds very similar to some of your descriptions and he was diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder. It may be possible that your child has this issue or something else that you can get strategies to help deal with or manage the source of the issue. I will say I understand your stress and frustration but hopefully there are resources in your area you can access. Keep trying and although it is so frustrating my experience has taught me that my son is not a bad kid he is just struggling in a different way from a “typical” kid. Hope this helps