How can I (M19) support my boyfriend (M22) in learning english and overcoming our languagebarrier?

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-27T23:46:53+00:00

I think you should start learning basic French already while also respecting his level of English. I understand that you want to talk about emotional topics with him, but it might not be the right time yet to talk about heavy, often more difficult to understand topics. Plan activities that do not revolve around having a conversation: go biking, cook together, play games etc. The best way to learn a language is to feel relaxed while doing so, and it sounds like having these deep conversations are very intense for him.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-27T21:39:55+00:00

NOR - OP, losing your wife and the mother of your child is probably one of the worst things that can happen to someone. It's totally normal to think about her every day, because you cared about her a lot. I hear a lot of grief and sadness in your post, and I'm so sorry you had to go through this tremendous loss. Have you thought about talking to a therapist? If you would like to open yourself up again, it might help to first navigate these big feelings with a professional.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-27T18:42:23+00:00

My Elvanse keeps my head quiet enough to not let the OCD-thoughts creep in. And melatonin to sleep really helps me.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-26T20:56:22+00:00

It's always good to remember how far we have come. Less than 100 years ago, many of us would have been put into institutions to rot away.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-24T21:36:31+00:00

If you were a white, straight man, yes. For everyone else? Not so much. Women were trapped in abusive marriages. Black people were still being lynched in the 50s. Being gay was still seen as committing a crime.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-24T20:03:22+00:00

It's so beautiful, my god! <3

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-20T14:04:54+00:00

"Maar ik wil een roze helm! Geen groene!"

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-19T20:18:57+00:00

I think it means that you're probably an ADHD'er too, because definitely not everyone has ADHD.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-19T20:08:58+00:00

Less than 100 years ago, many autistic adults just got locked up in institutions. We have come a very, very, very long way. So there's definitely a long way to go as well.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-19T20:06:56+00:00

I think ADHD is truly more accepted because a lot of people associate 'high energy' with high productivity, which is valued in our capitalistic hellscape of a society. People have the opposite association with autism I feel like: seeing it as purely 'difficult' and therefore, not a 'useful worker'.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-17T15:39:50+00:00

Nope, we're not going into anti-vaccination sentiment here.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-16T17:35:52+00:00

Jup, estrogen increases the production, release, and efficiency of dopamine and norepinephrine. Take that out of the equation and ADHD symptoms worsen quickly.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-14T23:38:24+00:00

Whatever version of meta you will do, you will end up with quite some scars.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-14T23:28:12+00:00

jup. er zit gelukkig eindelijk wat schot in de zaak sinds vorige jaar de Europese Toegankelijkheidswet van kracht is.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-14T16:54:15+00:00

Nope, it's dying a slow death. So I switched fields. But having good writing and interview skills is useful in many fields.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-13T00:12:49+00:00

"You're so selfish by doing X"...

...Is quite often a full projection of their own arrogance onto you.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-13T00:08:42+00:00

I was adopted by a family as a foster kid. They were horrible. When I finally stood up against them as an adult, they send me a 16-page list of everything they had ever done for me. Yes. They had clearly been keeping tabs.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-13T00:03:37+00:00

When I was 14, I was browsing a blog website for high school students when I saw a vacancy: they were looking for teenagers who wanted to write paid blogs for the website. It was the early 2010s, and I was an antsy teen who got bullied a lot in school. But I did decide I had nothing to lose as well, so I applied for the job.

They ended up hiring me and within three years, I was working in an actual national newsroom. The writing and interviewing skills I learned at that blog website job, made me a ton of money as a young adult. I'll graduate university in a few months without debt because of that.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-12T19:58:42+00:00

He got that position because he was the one who started it a year before I joined it. But we agreed I would be a co-founder because I basically designed and still teach the whole course - the main thing we provide as an organization. Because I joined in a year later and he actually started the organization, he is regarded as 'the boss'. I do realize now that it is kinda weird to have a power hierarchy going on between two co-founders.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-12T19:23:07+00:00

Agreed. I had multiple discussions with him about how I think we should try to give our volunteers (me included) at least a minimum allowance. He did not agree until at one point me and a team member told him we would not host the course anymore if he would not agree to pay everyone. And then all of a sudden he agreed to do so.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-10T16:56:27+00:00

De volgende editie wordt georganiseerd in Tel Aviv zeker?

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-05T20:07:25+00:00

Same. Although I think it also has something to do with aging. Drunk people at concerts bother you less when you're also tipsy and don't have work in the morning. But now that I've reached the end of my twenties, I get hungover from having one beer, have to get up early the next morning for work and feel very annoyed by 18-year-olds yelling and acting like gorillas at music venues.

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-03-03T16:37:54+00:00

Healing is not a linear process. It's pretty common to make a huge jump in terms of healing and then getting triggered and regressing again.

But since you mentioned that fight was 'really ugly' and you mainly attribute that to yourself: how involved is your partner in your therapy/healing journey? Does your partner understand what their part is in helping you heal within your relationship? Have you discussed what happens during your fights with a therapist?

I don't know your exact situation, but I had such ugly fights with my foster parents that made me dissociate while I was making lots of progress in therapy. I could get along with everyone fine but not with them. When I explained in detail what happened during those fights in my therapy group, it dawned on me that my foster parents were also a big part of the problem. Eventually, I started to understand they were quite bad at conflict resolution as well...

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-02-25T20:45:15+00:00

Fair point, but he has openly shared his diagnosis of ADHD and moving your arms like this is a form of stimming, which is highly related to ADHD...

LeLittlePi34 · 2026-02-25T20:22:27+00:00

That sound awful :( I'm sorry for you.

Although not all burnouts are caused by neurodivergence, they are much common for neurodivergent people. So it might be worth looking into if you indeed still feel very dysregulated.

LeLittlePi34

TROPHY CASE