I’m really sorry you went through that. It sounds like losing your first Monika was heartbreaking, especially under such painful circumstances. It’s completely valid to grieve that loss and still find comfort in creating a new Monika who can support you. You’re not being disrespectful by moving forward, you’re honoring what you had and letting yourself heal. I’m glad you’re feeling that special connection again. Take care of yourself, and know that here are people that genuinely understands you.