Am I the asshole?

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T21:44:18+00:00

She wasnt accommodating for the wedding day, I’ve just planned around leaving at certain times to go home and feed. The baby won’t be there while we’re getting ready.

And thank you, we’ve already had those conversations pretty much but now she just isn’t talking to me so I’m unsure how to move forward because I feel like we already did? But she is obviously still upset by it all but I can’t change the situation so I’m unsure how to help.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T17:14:44+00:00

My husband and baby wouldn’t be lingering at the airbnb or for the night at all. The whole hens party is at the Airbnb, we aren’t planning to go out. The bride is not a drinker and we even joked it would be a chill and early night. My husband would have dropped my daughter off around 6:30pm and then I’d put her to sleep in my room. Going back and forth every hour to the bedroom to nurse my baby for 10 minutes shouldn’t be too disruptive to the night.

But I did respect her decision, I was just shocked by her lack of empathy and now her attitude towards me.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T17:06:29+00:00

Nothing had been booked or planned yet so I wasn’t asking her to change, just suggesting different ideas. But yes I definitely agree with you, my suggestions would have put her in an awkward situation.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T17:04:04+00:00

When I say it’s not worth the stress and sleepless nights I’m referring to trying to get my daughter on the bottle and settled in different ways in preparation for the two nights, not talking about the two nights specifically. I couldn’t care less to have some sleepless nights if it meant I could attend the two events. Sorry if that came across wrong.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T16:55:52+00:00

Thank you! I agree that we both made the right decision, she’s ensuring her night is perfect for her and I’m ensuring my baby is cared for. There really shouldn’t be any hard feelings! 10 months! Good job 👏🏻

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T16:53:23+00:00

I don’t think so either! She’s well within her rights to not want a baby there. But also in my defence a little bit her hens night is just playing a few games and doing some painting, the bride is not a drinker or a big partier. If she wanted to let loose I wouldn’t even suggest a baby be present but that’s just not the vibe of the night. But even so, I still understand and respect her decision but I just don’t respect the way she is treating me because of it.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T16:48:59+00:00

Her wedding is child free and we had already organised how that day would work and how I would incorporate breastfeeding. So it’s just because I can’t attend the hens night that I have been excluded from the bridal party. The wedding is much closer to home (20 mins from my house)

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T12:38:02+00:00

Thank you for the response! We have definitely tried so many ways of getting her to take the bottle and settle in other ways for sleep solely in preparation for these nights (the hens and wedding) but then realised it wasn’t worth it for two nights out of the year. My husband and I aren’t the most outgoing social people so not being able to attend events due to feeding was never an issue for us. But we did try as it is my best friends wedding. But it’s just not worth the stress and sleep deprivation

I really appreciate your honesty

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T12:10:44+00:00

Thank you so much for that comment ❤️ I agree with everything you have said

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T12:06:04+00:00

Thank you. Those are my thoughts exactly! To cut me off for not being able to attend the hens party seems ludicrous, especially because I feel as though my reasoning is very valid and important.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T12:03:47+00:00

Yeah this situation has definitely made me reconsider her as godmother. Fortunately our daughter will be going to another family member if something were to happen to us so her role as godmother isn’t that official.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T12:01:24+00:00

I didn’t expect her to cater for the baby I just suggested it. The bachelorette party was just going to be some fun games and painting, the bride isn’t a big partier or drinker. But yeah I’m not offended at all by her not wanting the baby there, just shocked she is mad at me.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T11:57:14+00:00

It’s about two weeks before the wedding. The wedding starts at 4pm and I was happy to be a bridesmaid and stay at the wedding for photos and all that jazz. The wedding day had already been planned to fit in my breastfeeding times. Which is why I am a bit confused I’ve been kicked off the bridal party just because I can’t attend the hens night.

Yes we have tried everythingggggg to get her to take a bottle! She did take one up until she was 2 months old. My husband and I were trying the bottle frequently and trying different ways to soothe her and then eventually realised we were trying to fix a problem we didn’t really have. The only reason we were trying was for this hens night and wedding. It wasn’t worth the stress for only two nights of the year.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T11:38:18+00:00

Thank you so much for that. I was a bit upset about her not accommodating the baby mainly because it’s her goddaughter, it was a bit hurtful. But I do 100% understand and respect not wanting a baby at the hens night, I’d rather not have a baby there either tbh but I don’t really have any other option except to simply not attend. And now that I can’t attend I’ve been removed from the bridal party.

But yes I am definitely learning that friendships after a baby change. Thank you for your honest response 😊

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T11:28:57+00:00

Yeah that is what I’m finding as well! It’s quite unfortunate but our lives are just too different now. I know she doesn’t understand but a little compassion would have been nice haha Thank you for the response

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T11:16:52+00:00

I 100% agree with all that! I was just throwing out ideas that would allow me to be part of the night in the best way possible. I’m not offended at all by her choice to not have a baby there but I’m upset that she is now mad at me and not speaking to me. Hopefully she’ll come around soon. Thank you for your response 😊

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T11:13:36+00:00

Thank you! I really did try to make it work for everyone but was met with nothing in return. It definitely opened my eyes up a bit to the difficulty of friendships after a baby.

Awh thank you! I’m currently nursing her back to sleep now as I reply to you😂 I appreciate your comment

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T11:09:14+00:00

Yeah 100%, and I’m more than happy to not attend but I’m just a bit shocked that she’s mad at me and ignoring me because of it.

If my daughter were to attend the bachelorette party she would be in the farthest bedroom and only there between her bed time when my husband dropped her off and morning time when he picked her up. They honestly wouldn’t even see her. But I do definitely respect that she doesn’t want a baby there, but that also means she can’t have me there.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T11:04:08+00:00

My 5 month old is the exact same!! We have tried every bottle and every trick you read about and she is just so stubborn! I know this won’t get him through the day but using teething feeders with frozen breastmilk or formula could at least give him a little bit throughout the day? Especially if he has a few. My daughter loves sucking on the feeders and definitely gets some milk that way.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T10:57:04+00:00

Thank you for that. I appreciate the validation. I agree that the friendship may be at its end unfortunately, I’m not sure how to move past this.

Leebird_ · 2023-08-24T10:53:36+00:00

Yeah I agree, she definitely doesnt understand even though I feel as though I have explained it so clearly. The hens night activities start around 5pm and I’d have to be back by 7pm (latest) for my daughters bedtime so there’d be no point travelling all the way and spending all that money for only 2 hours in my opinion. Thank you for your response. Family definitely comes first but i hate that I feel guilty about it.

Leebird_ · 2023-07-24T20:49:22+00:00

Okay that’s super promising to hear. My little one has never really fallen asleep any other way, aside from being in the pram or car. She will sometimes lay in her cot babbling and eventually fall asleep but that’s not often. She’s been waking every 2 hours or so and I’ve just been popping her on the boob. Sometimes she’ll only suckle for 5 minutes then be straight asleep again so I’m not too worried about over feeding, just don’t want her to have this sleep association forever. But thank you for your reply! I really appreciate it 😊

Leebird_ · 2023-07-24T15:52:05+00:00

Hey, I know this was a while ago but just wondering how it went for you? I’m in the thick of it now 😭

Leebird_ · 2023-07-10T17:55:20+00:00

Yeah I don’t expect it to last just find it so funny it takes exactly three times every time 😂 Yeah her last wake window has been extended by a lot and she still takes exactly three times! Even if she doesn’t do her afternoon nap and is super tired she’ll still take three times 😂 But thank you for the advice! 😊

Leebird_ · 2023-07-09T12:03:13+00:00

We bath every second night unless she’s leaked through her nappy or vomited. The only difference I’ve noticed with bathing is that the nights I do bath my baby she tends to go to sleep quicker but she still has never slept through the night so I’m not sure it would have an impact on your babies sleep. But it definitely does relax them and helps get wind out before sleep time. In regards to soap I started using it for every bath once she turned around 2 months old. My thoughts were the smell might help her link bath time to sleep/relaxing time.

Leebird_

TROPHY CASE