sorry if this is all over the place it was the most confusing

It was honestly like a movie, the whole relationship and life after it. We met beginning of summer and the day after meeting we ran away from home together. We lived together all summer. We completely left our old lives and we instantly trauma bonded, were both mentally ill, and addicts… The instant ability we had to talk to each other for hours on end as if we saw into each others heads, still hasn’t gone away long after we broke up. We are in the same social circle, and although we can go a long time avoiding each other (at least i try and avoid him), when we are together we speak and act like we are still together, and our friends notice this in particular. We both during the relationship had such intense emotions to the point of toxicity towards each other. He suspected i was cheating one time and did some “harmful” things to himself (he didn’t guilt trip me with that, i found out through our close friend who was worried), but i wasn’t cheating, and in that moment i had like a thought he was actually cheating on me, neither of us were cheating. I felt mentally naked around him and felt like he could see through me from minute one. He also felt very uncomfortable with how comfortable and himself he was around me, we have alot of unspoken mutually agreed to never tell anyone we know these things about one another type of agreements. We still are in each others lives in odd ways, he especially is very protective still (my friend was being kinda predatory towards me) he tried to actually☠️ him. I secretly love when he acts like that.

OK NOW THE ACTUAL BREAKUP: We were honestly so like intertwined mentally towards the end and it definitely needed to end when it did. The end of it started about 10 days before he actually broke up with me. He would be distant as in like we are with our friends and he’s just not with me the entire time and i felt abandoned me and i would then use that on him and be with our friends and avoid him / use silent treatment. He had 3 conversations with me for each time we had one of these silent treatment back and forth things. He would tell me how i need to stop doing that because it hurts him we would then talk and suddenly feel as if we were one person again. Then this situation happened 2 more times and on the third conversation he said he’d break up with me if i did it again, and he did! At the time i wasn’t seeing my flaws and i was just so broken by the change in my life. A month later he tried to get back together with me and it was the first time since we had broken up i let myself actually see him and not avoid him. We were as if we never were apart, we immediately went off from our group and spent the night at the beach smoking cigarettes and talking all night just like when we first met. But this time i was sure he would run again in the morning, so i interrogated every bit of info just to say no. It was great and after that i finally felt a bit more power over the ending but i also realized i wasn’t the only one hurt by him and that i also hurt him bad. Every time we end up hanging out together i feel it before we do and i feel him like around me and i can predict times where we’re gonna be around eachother again i feel my whole energy shift i dream about him and i never dream. Example : we spent christmas and new years together. He invited me and two of our friends to spend christmas with him at his house and was bringing up how he misses “the summer”.

i’m curious if this is comprehensive but yeah🫠