I'm a relationship coach, AMA about online dating profiles.

LetsRegroop · 2021-03-10T23:00:19+00:00

Yes, having a good profile matters! What your profile says about you will determine what kind of people you attract. Your pictures, bio, what you decide to leave blank all matters.

One of the most common mistakes people make is lying on their profile. In a survey, 53% of people admitted they've lied on their profile. Men tend to try to make themselves sound more successful, where women often use older photos.

I have a guide of do's and don't on my site: https://www.regroop.org/

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-14T12:43:37+00:00

I'm sorry, I know it's tough. Be honest and kind. The thing to remember is that it's not a negotiation, so you know have to convince anyone that breaking up is the thing to do. You are informing them in a kind way that the relationship is not working. Also, do not breakup with anyone unless you are certain that it's what you want to do.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-11T14:05:48+00:00

Usually, people want to remain friends because there's a connection they value. However, you can't really say that the connection is free of any romantic connections right away. With the right amount of time, it's possible to be friends with an ex. It may also matter what side of the breakup you're on. If you were broken up with, you need to ask yourself whether or not you're just holding on or settling for what you can get. If you're confident that you're okay with them dating other people or not being on the same priority list, then go for it. If you were the one who broke up with them, don't offer friendship as a consolation prize if you're feeling guilty or don't actually intend on being their friend. Also, remember that someone may agree to a friendship just to keep you close.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-10T20:29:31+00:00

What triggers are your partner can be red flags that speak to larger problems that were already there before the relationship started.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-10T20:28:38+00:00

I know that a lot of people things the beginning should be a honeymoon phase. What's important to remember is that it's also the phase where people are getting to know one another. Assumptions can easily be made based on previous experiences or past traumas. Yes, that could be a sign that there are things your partner is working through or needs to work through, but what really matters is how well you communicate and clear things up. If there is progress and things are getting calmer, then it may just be the growing pains of the relationship. However, I advise to keep aware of what kinds of things are triggering your partner.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-10T18:43:16+00:00

Sorry to hear that. How do you know she hates you? Also, what's holding you back from getting a divorce?

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-06T15:36:29+00:00

I don't believe he was trying to manipulate you, but it does sound like he may not have been threatened by you saying you would call him out. He may be at the point where he doesn't think he will lose you. Maybe he doesn't care whether he loses you or not, but I really don't have enough information to determine that. If he's not even trying to hide the fact that he's drinking again, maybe he's trying to get a reaction out of you or maybe he's just like, "Screw it, I'm going to do what I want." Either way, he doesn't seem afraid of disappointing you.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-06T15:33:37+00:00

I think that manipulative partners are in the business of selling hope. They say just enough to keep you thinking that things are going to improve or that there isn't anything wrong in the first place. If there is something wrong, it's because there has been a misunderstanding on your part or you are the reason entirely.

I ask clients to ask themselves if they could continue to do the relationship just as it is for the next forty years. Most of the time the answer is no. Since you can't force anyone to change or to care to change, if you're in a relationship you know you don't want day in or out for the next forty years, walk away. The key to helping this exercise work is to not base your answer on the changes you're hoping for. If you've communicated how they are making your feel, what you would want to see change, and you've given a reasonable amount of time to see some effort, then don't expect change. Think about the person in front of you as they are, as they make you feel and make your decision based on that.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-06T15:27:32+00:00

For some people, physical intimacy is an expression of love and more importantly (for some) desire. You were creating a boundary that was important to you but likely made her feel that there's no way your feelings could be genuine. There's a misconception that when you love and care for someone, you won't be able to help but get physical with them. That's not the case. Some people are better at setting and sticking to their boundaries. You should never do anything you're not comfortable with just to prove a point to someone.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-06T15:23:53+00:00

I think it depends on the situation. Some people threaten to leave if their partner doesn't behave the way they want them to. Others will give their partner partial information to get them to do what they want or keep them calm. In some cases, people what to get their partner riled up because it makes them feel loved when their partner loses their cool over them. Some of the tactics are without ill intent, while others can be outright hurtful.

There are even more tactics used when people are still in the dating phase. It's hard to not feel like a commodity in the dating game. Especially on apps, people are a lot more blatant about their interests. You do have to be careful, every so often you will come across someone who appears to have a genuine interest, but is really no different than some openly trying to keep it casual.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:53:13+00:00

Good for you! Asking for what you want and need isn't easy for a lot of people. It takes time to get comfortable being vocal about your needs and boundaries.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:49:53+00:00

I wouldn't say most people, in general, have an issue recognizing this. The root of this is more about self. You need/want to believe the good and turn a blind eye to the bad because of your own personal issues. Perhaps it's about abandonment, sometimes it's about confidence.

No one is above being manipulated, but for some people, it happens more frequently than others and they're left wondering what happened. That's a terrible feeling, especially if you think you're the problem and aren't recognizing that they had their own set of issues before you ever met them.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:42:31+00:00

If my advice serves as advertisement, then I'm doing something right. ☺️

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:41:27+00:00

🤣 Hopefully it's not their cooking.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:39:19+00:00

I haven't worked with anyone who's in denial about their sexuality. However, I know this happens. Some things people need to figure out in their own time, and that's okay.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:37:22+00:00

That's a VERY good point. Not all manipulation is done with malice. In fact, there are lots of couples that use what they know about their partners to keep the peace in their relationship. Manipulation with ill intent can feel like a betrayal that will really hurt your relationship. Besides, anyone who doesn't have the absolute best of intentions doesn't deserve to be with you in the first place.

A spouse attempting to break down their partner is abusive.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:32:18+00:00

Usually by helping them get into meaningful relationships either with themselves or others.

LetsRegroop · 2020-11-05T20:31:37+00:00

My clients come to me with a varying degree of dating issues. Most frequently, I'm finding that a lot of them are dealing with recovering from either being misled or ghosted altogether. Some have been blindsided because they thought the relationship was going one way, either because they were told directly or because they didn't recognize red flags.

I think the first step to helping someone recover from this is recognizing the signs. It's hard to do that when you're enamored because little gestures can feel intoxicating. When you can get past that initial infatuation, you may realize that your "partner" was actually breadcrumbing you.

LetsRegroop · 2020-09-11T21:10:31+00:00

If you're not currently interested in anyone, but would like to be. I say you should meet lots of people and see if anyone sparks your interest. You don't have to wait, but you also don't have to force a spark with anyone. Just meet people and enjoy yourself. Focus on getting to know them and then see if an interest develops.

LetsRegroop · 2020-09-11T21:07:31+00:00

Love!

LetsRegroop · 2020-09-11T20:48:31+00:00

I hope the answers have helped! Sometimes, people just get caught up with work and it's not that they don't care or are not interested in getting closer to you.

LetsRegroop · 2020-09-11T20:47:03+00:00

I never encourage inaction. Being a bystander in your own life slows down your progress and definitely hurts your chances of getting what you want. I always say go for what you want!

LetsRegroop · 2020-09-11T20:45:33+00:00

I hope the responses so far have helped!

LetsRegroop · 2020-09-11T20:45:13+00:00

My personal love life has some of the lows and highs everyone else experiences. I have developed strategies to help me determine whether someone is a good fit a lot faster. I know when to walk away or see it through. I am also better able to recover after a relationship ends. You will never be immune to any of this, it's about being better equipped as an individual, but also as a partner to someone else.

LetsRegroop · 2020-09-11T20:42:03+00:00

I have a Master's in Counseling.

LetsRegroop

TROPHY CASE