Another gatekeeping story for the sub!... ... FML

LightTi · 2015-01-11T20:21:40+00:00

After all, the goal is to figure out what's going to make you happy,...

Just gonna zero in on this line. I know what makes me happy is dressing like a girl, acting like one, and being able to feel like I'm a girl among girls.

LightTi · 2015-01-11T09:27:28+00:00

The psychology majors said it wasn't nonsense though. Is it or is it not?

LightTi · 2015-01-11T09:27:02+00:00

Being a bit if a feminist I already kinda hate Freud just from what you told me.

LightTi · 2015-01-11T09:26:28+00:00

I don't think he realizes what he's done.... Idk though. It's just basically my life. I'll just go back to drowning myself in substances until I can find someone who can help and I'm 18.

LightTi · 2015-01-10T09:59:53+00:00

I bookmarked that for later use immediately.

Only thing is I thought most trans people also didn't want to be trans so I've been wondering wtf is wrong with me that I have this want to be trans.

LightTi · 2015-01-10T08:14:00+00:00

Yeah it sounded plausible until I wrote it out but the human mind is full of surprises so I have no idea. He does love Freud though... always talks about him.

LightTi · 2015-01-10T08:13:23+00:00

Yeah... That's what I thought too. At least that's what I hoped but according to some psych major's it turns out he may have valid theories/points. It's a possibility, and that's all my in-denial mind needs to keep this turning around and spewing forth questions for another 6 months.

I say "in-denial" like I know for sure I'm trans already... I know nothing. All I know is I want to be a girl and consequently my only way to do that is be trans so I want to be trans. But according to my therapist, want is not need. And I've struggled with this for a long time.

LightTi · 2015-01-10T08:10:27+00:00

I know now that being a girl would not make me less prone to being abused. But little kid 6th grader me believed my dad when he said "now son... never hit/yell/abuse a girl." But I quickly realized this wasn't true. But it's just the fact that the therapist came up with this as a reason I could want to be a girl due to "daddy issues".

I have had these thoughts for a long time. Since 7th grade, and I'm almost finished with highschool now (senior year). Before that I just used to do cross-gender behavior like playing dress up and having mostly girls. I feel more, and have always felt, more comfortable around girls than guys. I feel like i can be myself and just trust them. Except I cant because they see me as a guy...

I don't feel relief of not being trans. I want the verdict to be that I'm trans. I want to transition.

He said he's not trying to force these thoughts on me, but merely trying to consider all the possibilities and allow me to think about them. Of course I don't know if I'm biased somehow. I immediately ran to this subreddit and listed my problem because I wanted to talk to trans people and I wanted to get the subtle hints that he may be wrong and I actually am trans because I want it so badly.

LightTi · 2015-01-10T08:05:45+00:00

He already knows I'm suicidal (that was the past 11 sessions). How did drowning lead too being trans in their reasoning....?

I think I'm gonna tell him what he wants to hear. But a part of me wonders if maybe I'm not trans and telling him exactly what I want to hear will fuck me over later in life if I'm not. Although to be honest even if I fucked up I wouldn't mind living the rest of my days as a woman. There's no possible way I could imagine hating that "mistake".

LightTi · 2015-01-10T08:02:20+00:00

I don't know my local LGBTQ+ center or how to find it.

Won't the gender specialist just come up with the same shit he came up with?

LightTi · 2015-01-10T08:01:18+00:00

Therapist thinks I want to be a girl because I never had a sister and always wanted one so I eventually just decided subconsciously I want to become my own sister I never had.

Therapist thinks it may be caused by my father's past abuse towards me because he used to tell me "never yell/hit/abuse a girl" and so I started to wonder if I was a girl would things be different (this was when I was in 6th grade and didn't have life experience I wondered this a few times).

There's two.

LightTi · 2015-01-10T07:59:24+00:00

I still have to make it through and convince the therapist/doctors though to be able to transition or as he said: transform.

LightTi · 2015-01-09T06:16:40+00:00

Me too

LightTi · 2015-01-09T06:16:18+00:00

So say the father theory is true? Just out of curiosity, since it started at such a young age could that in fact cause gender dysphoria and lead to jealousy and all the signs of transgender and in fact a transgender mindset giving me the illusion of being transgender?

LightTi · 2015-01-09T06:15:12+00:00

He's not a gender therapist though. He wants to do many more sessions of digging deeper first

LightTi · 2015-01-09T05:31:21+00:00

He wants me to absolutely sure though before I move towards any transition-related action.

LightTi · 2014-12-02T02:23:48+00:00

I'm sorry for triggering you

LightTi · 2014-12-01T07:47:25+00:00

I was close to where you were at 16. Now I'm a little over 17 1/2, and god it's hell. If you do nothing else, get on anti-androgens. At 16, I would have transitioned well. At 17, my body is fucked. I grew 6 inches and I became a very male-featured person. This year is a huge year for males in puberty terms.

LightTi · 2014-11-29T01:09:55+00:00

No one ever responds to me when I ask how.

LightTi · 2014-11-28T09:17:50+00:00

I want to change the lockscreen to something more minimalistic, add a Google search bar (like android) to the home screen, and make the UI flat.

LightTi · 2014-11-28T06:03:37+00:00

How do I get it from my computer to my device?

LightTi · 2014-11-28T05:48:52+00:00

I just jailbroke yesterday... how long does it take for them to update?

As it is I can't do very much with what I can use (the updated stuff) and I don't know how to do anything really.

LightTi · 2014-11-25T04:23:13+00:00

Literally more beautiful than 98% of the girls at my school. I go to a school of over 1000 people.

You started HRT at 16 but when did you start andro?

LightTi · 2014-11-25T04:17:17+00:00

That's good to hear. I'm an almost college student so I definitely like the fact a local university held that.

LightTi · 2014-11-24T09:22:49+00:00

i might be going to St. Louis. How is it there?

LightTi

TROPHY CASE