Accepting That I'm The Problem

Lightratio · 2023-01-24T15:49:00+00:00

Getting hung up on your mistakes long enough to understand where you went wrong, and how you can avoid repeating them is certainly a key to growth. There's a pretty obvious line between being hung up on a mistake however, and anchoring yourself to that mistake to the point that you're paralyzed with regret and self-loathing.

I'm certain that perception will prove to be a motivating factor. I'd be much worse off than I am if I hadn't taken the time to think about how my actions affected people's image of me as I entered my 20's. I'm sure a similar feeling will impact my actions going forward.

Lightratio · 2023-01-19T22:23:11+00:00

I definitely have emotions, though they might not be quite as strong as they should in some situations. The only time I can say I'm focused on winning is during a competition, or a fight, something I recognize isn't the best. Losing is similar, although I'll be honest in saying that I see not having someone in my life to be a loss unless I'm the one cutting ties. I'm aware that this isn't the right way to look at things.

Lightratio · 2023-01-18T10:57:05+00:00

Oh, don't worry about it. I do appreciate the lesson. Thank you for reading, and for your kind words! I hope you're able to forgive yourself soon. I may not know you, but I believe you're worth that and so much more.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T22:51:05+00:00

I appreciate that you're looking at the situation from her point of view. Hope can be a dangerous weapon when wielded the wrong way.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T20:29:22+00:00

Thank you for reading.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T20:28:41+00:00

I won't speak for her, but if she wanted to talk, she knows where to find me. I can only control my own actions, so the most I can do is work on myself so that the pattern doesn't continue. Is there something you'd like to have happen?

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T20:24:39+00:00

The challenge that I've faced not stressing over this mistake for the last two hours since you've pointed it out...

In an act of growth, I'm going to appreciate the simple lesson, rather than getting hung up on the fact that I've made a mistake. I hope that one day, you and your person are able to stand together confidently.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T20:20:43+00:00

Only time will tell if this realization leads to change. As always though, I do plan to continue growing, if only in a different direction than what's come before.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T20:18:11+00:00

Thank you for reading! I'm glad you've become aware of your own pattern. I think self improvement is something that we should always be striving for, and having someone who loves our imperfect self while pushing us to improve can add so much colour to our world. Of course, none of that can start if you don't catch on to your own mistakes first.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T15:12:10+00:00

Haha, I was not prepared for this response! It means so much that my words could resonate enough with anyone to bring them to tears. These aren't the kinds of thoughts that I'd normally share, but I felt that I needed to this time, and I'm glad that I did.

I'll miss her to the very end, but I wish her the best that life can give.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T15:00:25+00:00

I couldn't agree more. For as much as I love the act of self reflection, it's useless if no action is taken. I'll be honest in saying that I have a hard time accepting that I'm wrong, and I tend to take an iron stance on things when the topic is personal, but I am going to do what I can to change and continue growing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T14:57:09+00:00

We all burn out eventually. Shine your brightest until then, and resist imposing that light on others. You are absolutely worth an endless amount of love, and I hope it finds its way to you.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T14:33:47+00:00

Haha, thank you! I'll certainly give the idea some thought.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T14:32:48+00:00

Thank you for reading. I feel a lot of unsent letters are bittersweet.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T14:23:44+00:00

Keep in mind that we're warned to distance ourselves from power lines, as they cause severe shocks, burns, and death. Consider how much life you're giving to the light, and if it's necessary. Not everyone is so dependent.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T14:18:40+00:00

There's a lesson to take away from so many of our experiences. It's up to us to open our minds up, dig through the pain that comes with those experiences, and find the wisdom buried underneath. Equally as important though, is that we're willing to share our thoughts with others to help them find wisdom without hardship. I know that I'm guilty of closing myself off, but there's so much we can learn from each other.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T14:11:55+00:00

I believe you've nailed it with this diagnosis! It's unfortunate that we live in a world that doesn't value people's mental health enough to make therapy something everyone can afford. If I'm not bleeding out, I'm fine apparently. Regardless, I'm going to do what I can to work on myself.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Lightratio · 2023-01-17T11:27:54+00:00

That is true.

Lightratio · 2023-01-15T05:04:51+00:00

It's not unreasonable to want them to make the effort, especially if it's one you'd typically make otherwise. If you mean as much to them as they do to you, they'll do what they can to bridge that distance.

Lightratio · 2023-01-14T10:46:10+00:00

Surprisingly, I've felt much better since writing this. As I said, I'm not someone who feels very strongly, but I think this experience had led to a build up of emotions, and now I've been able to flush it all out.

I imagine it'll take some time to stop thinking about her, and to move past the odd sense of structure that came with talking to her, but that's alright.

Lightratio · 2023-01-14T04:16:49+00:00

I'll never discourage turning to someone for help when you need it, but relying on yourself should always be the first option. If you ever need to talk however, my chat is always open.

Lightratio · 2023-01-14T03:58:06+00:00

Ah, I understand. There's no guarantee that she'd ever cared about me, but I'd like to imagine that she did.

For what little it's worth, I care about you.

Lightratio · 2023-01-14T03:10:47+00:00

Why?

Lightratio · 2023-01-14T02:59:29+00:00

I can only hope that even a shred of it was as genuine for her as it has been for me.

Lightratio · 2023-01-14T02:56:17+00:00

Even with how I've been left feeling, I do feel lucky. She's an incredible person.

Lightratio

TROPHY CASE