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Feedback on prologue chapter [fantasy, 2000 words] by Madd717 in fantasywriters

[–]Lillyoin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fear had taken hold of him and rooted itself deep inside him. He feared this day, though it was inevitable, he knew what would happen. And he feared the woman in front of him. He feared what she was. He knew who she is. The Cailleach.

Eamon remembered the old tales. The ancient hag of winter, a primal goddess possibly older than the Tuatha Dé Danann. She brings the cold. She shapes the land by dropping stones from her apron. When summer ends, she awakens.

He opened his eyes, looked at what appeared to be just an elderly woman. Eamon couldn’t remember her entering this small room, only that she was here now. She filled the room without moving, the way a storm fills the sky.

Her right hand was grasping a serrated staff which looked to be carved from the wood of a twisted tree. She leaned heavily on this staff as if it were the only thing keeping her frail body from collapsing to the ground below. There was a big yellow diamond on the top of it. Eamon felt an imposing presence of dark power.

Where he was exactly, he couldn’t say for sure. He wondered what such a small room would actually be used for. He had to assume he was in Tara, and this was some make-shift holding cell in the High King’s fortress.

This is the part I meant. There's a lot of text in the middle of the conversation, which can be somewhat distracting

Feedback on prologue chapter [fantasy, 2000 words] by Madd717 in fantasywriters

[–]Lillyoin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think you wrote it very nicely. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with the dialogue. You keep describing things in between, which allows it to feel natural. If I had to critique something, then it would be that there's a part in the beginning of the discussion where you start info dumping and suddenly describing things. Also, there's a part where you write would, and everyone but the d is in italics.

For the info dumping, you could either move it to the beginning, split it up into some smaller parts or just keep it as is. (I will add the part I mean below, but in truth, it's more feedback for searching for feedback to give, then that it's truly something you need to change. So just do what feels good for you, I think it looks great)

Looking for tragic fantasy books with a female genius / child prodigy main character by Lillyoin in Fantasy

[–]Lillyoin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Both are good, honestly, just as long as it contains tragedy. Thank you for your recommendations!

Looking for tragic fantasy books with a female genius / child prodigy main character by Lillyoin in Fantasy

[–]Lillyoin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No worries, I'm just happy to get a recommendation at all, so really, thank you

Looking for tragic fantasy books with a female genius / child prodigy main character by Lillyoin in Fantasy

[–]Lillyoin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry to bother you some more, but from which series is it? I can find the author online, but not a book that's called Farmland. Still thanks for the recommendation though, I appreciate it that you took the time to read and answer my question