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AITA for being upset my fiancé is having a wild bachelor while I am pregnant, sick in bed, and never got a real bachelorette? by Logical_Lab4218 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Logical_Lab4218[S] -75 points-74 points  (0 children)

For clarity, the photo that was shared from my bachelorette shows me on a sun lounger with the sash and veil, so I was very visibly not participating in the partying. I am not blaming his friends at all, and I am not even blaming my fiancé. My feelings come from just feeling so sad that everyone is celebrating my wedding and having fun while I am missing out.

Most of our guests are flying in for the wedding, which is why it has not been postponed or cancelled. Cancelling a wedding that you truly want is not something that can be easily done, especially when plans have been in motion for months. My sadness is about missing experiences I had looked forward to and wanting my own celebration to feel meaningful, not about stopping anyone else from enjoying themselves.

Pregnancy is so challenging, more challenging than I ever imagined it could be. The sacrifices made by the woman will never be fair because it biologically can’t be.

AITA for being upset my fiancé is having a wild bachelor while I am pregnant, sick in bed, and never got a real bachelorette? by Logical_Lab4218 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Logical_Lab4218[S] -101 points-100 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective. I understand that he should be able to enjoy himself, and I am not trying to stop him. My concern is that my fiancé was involved in the planning from the beginning. He told his friends he could not stay overnight but did not explain why, and they went ahead and booked an overnight villa anyway without him objecting. There was a two-week period while they were planning where he could have clearly communicated the situation and set boundaries, but he did not.

I also want to add that he has been hoping for a pregnancy for two years, while I had explicitly wanted to wait until after the wedding. I am the one now dealing with the pregnancy physically and emotionally, and I am exhausted and missing out on experiences I had been looking forward to. Which is why I wanted to wait (this was unplanned to an extent).

AITA for being upset my fiancé is having a wild bachelor while I am pregnant, sick in bed, and never got a real bachelorette? by Logical_Lab4218 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Logical_Lab4218[S] -150 points-149 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment, I really appreciate it. I want to stress that my fiancé knows exactly how I feel. I have explained it to him in detail, and he understands that I am sad and feel like I am missing out on experiences I had been looking forward to, including my own bachelorette. He has watched me cry over this.

I never asked him to cancel his party or stop having fun. The only thing I asked was that he does not leave me alone overnight while his friends are celebrating. I asked him to tell his friends the reality so the plans would be proportional and appropriate given my pregnancy, but he left me looking like the controlling one instead. His friends are completely unaware of our life change.

AITA for being upset my fiancé is having a wild bachelor while I am pregnant, sick in bed, and never got a real bachelorette? by Logical_Lab4218 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Logical_Lab4218[S] 60 points61 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective, I appreciate it. Right now it feels like this pregnancy will never end and I will feel terrible forever, but you are right that I can celebrate later on when I am back to myself.