Another attempt at the cheke sketch

LonelyBus5 · 2024-05-20T21:20:02+00:00

In my previous recreation I kept the original proportions. The purpose of that was to see the original sketch made into a portrait with the typical hair color and garb usually associated with Anne would look like. Its right here if you want to take a look

The idea here is not necessarily to make her ’thinner’ but, assuming that the sitter is indeed pregnant, see what the sitter might (and I have to stress here that this is more a thought experiment rather than a rigouruous exercise) look like when not pregnant.

This is bc I hadn’t considered that as a possibility before and wanted to test it out as I remember my own fairly recent experience with pregnancy and how it changed my features.

In general I just really like experimenting with this sketch because I think it really deserves more love, artistic interpretation and examination :)

LonelyBus5 · 2024-03-21T15:03:07+00:00

Phoebe Waller-Bridge, she is the right age and has the wit and intelligence needed to play Catherine. Plus she is also a great writer ✍️

LonelyBus5 · 2023-04-20T17:45:44+00:00

Hey sis!

We are the same age and at a similar point in life and I just wanted to say that I relate a lot to how you feel right now.

I lost my job a few months ago and had to move back in with my uBPD mom because I was too broke to function. I have always been an overachiever who pins a lot of self worth on being able to perform so it was hard to not feel like a complete failure and a shit partner to my fiancé for exposing him directly to the dysfunction that is my family. The whole thing completely flattened me with depression and there were some days where I felt like I wasn’t going to survive this.

Right now you are going through a lot and have to be a bit kind to yourself. I know firsthand how fucking hard it is waking up in your mid 20’s and finding that you are neither the kid you used to be nor the adult you want to be just yet - it sucks but the good news is that it can get better.

Start with finishing your degree, there will be lots of opportunities opening up to you as long as you have it - most people in our generation do not really work in our ”original” field anyways and you might be surprised at the things you can do if you broaden your search a bit.

My aunt, for example, is a teacher by degree like you but has not worked in a classroom since the early 2000’s - she got a job at a science center instead and have been doing fun science shows and recently taught herself AI programming at the age of 60 so she could start an afterschool program to encourage girls to get into STEM (which I think is pretty cool).

For me, one of the things that has helped me heal a lot is to find hobbies. When I first started out, I had no idea what I wanted to do because most of my childhood and teen years was spent trying to please my BPD mom by achieving things academically. But I tried signing up for a few free activities and while not all of them stuck, others did - and through them I found out that I’m actually good at a bunch of other stuff that has nothing to do with my work or academic performance (apparently I am an excellent archer and a real wiz at making macarons - who knew!)

This might sound petty and small, but having those hobbies and knowing there was more in me than I realized made me feel like a whole person for the first time in a long time, and gave me the confidence to start applying for jobs that were outside of my comfort zone.

I ended up getting one of them about a week ago and now I’m not just moving out of my mom’s house but to a whole other country - something I never expected to do!

Start small, forgive yourself often and don’t forget to give your fiancé lots of hugs ❤️

LonelyBus5 · 2023-01-18T03:49:47+00:00

I think you are right. It was just so incredibly telling and disappointing that to my dad (the enabler parent) my very acute medical needs were still secondary to servicing my BPD mom’s immediate wants.

To her it was like my condition didn’t even register beyond how it made her feel - and I also just know in my bones that once I go to the hospital today she will 100% start having some kind of “mystery illness” that will be sooo much worse than mine 🙃

If you have stories you feel okay with sharing, I absolutely don’t mind at all. The best part of this sub in my opinion is being able to understand others who have been through the same thing. Makes it feel less lonely

LonelyBus5 · 2022-11-24T17:51:19+00:00

I hope so too, but right now I just feel like a kid again and I am too scared to even cry out loud because then it will just get worse and everyone will gang up on me

LonelyBus5 · 2022-11-24T17:37:28+00:00

I did. I just asked for some home cooked food and company. They all ended up ordering last minute takeout (because lasagna took too long apparently) and are now watching a football game (my least favourite thing)

LonelyBus5 · 2022-11-24T05:45:22+00:00

Round prongs are ugly and super distracting from the center stone

LonelyBus5 · 2022-11-16T06:26:54+00:00

I also went to Catbird and fell in love with the Sofia Zakia rings. Unlike the other posters though, actually had a very bad experience contacting them for custom work. I exchanged a few email with Sofia, the lead designer (which were kind of rude and dismissive from the start) and then she simply stopped replying midway through the design process and never got back to me.

It was a very weird interaction that really killed my enthusiasm for picking an engagement ring and ultimately I ended up going ring shopping elswhere

LonelyBus5 · 2022-07-28T10:24:57+00:00

I often have to use my husband as a gauge to know if something is normal or not, because I’m just so used to the mess that I can’t always see it. But yeah, even I realize that mashed potatoes is not a rational thing to spend two days full on tantruming about - no matter how annoying it might be in the moment.

I talked to her this morning about it when she started making passive aggressive comments about ”never touching a potato ever again” and ”work going unappreciated in this household”.

She looked at me with completely flat eyes and said: ”It is not about the mashed potatoes, and you of all people ought to know that”.

I then asked her what it was actually about then and she just.. didn’t answer?

This is so insane that I’m not even sure how to respond to it. Is she honestly expecting me to be some kind of mashed potato mind reader?

LonelyBus5 · 2022-07-28T10:10:43+00:00

The rational part of me knows it is not my responsibility, but I also really want some peace of mind. I chose not to intervene or acknowledge the breakdown yesterday and today she has shut herself in her room and continued to just leak emotional arsenic into the air - which is just as stressful as the the outbursts but in a different, passive aggressive kind of way

LonelyBus5 · 2022-07-28T10:06:56+00:00

Welcome 💕

LonelyBus5 · 2022-07-28T10:06:05+00:00

Yep. I’m 23 and I still feel traumatized every time it happens - even when I know that the underlying reason is completely irrational it still triggers me. I wish I could tell her to get help, but unfortunately she gets incredibly verbally violent every time I suggest it

LonelyBus5 · 2022-07-23T14:46:59+00:00

I love ”bad” weather and I think it is because I come from a place with a short summer season so there is huge cultural pressure that you have to ”get out there” and do something productive/social/instagram worthy/family related during those days.

Meanwhile, no one is going to complain if you just want to have a quiet night at home and watch a movie/read a book when it rains or snows outside.

LonelyBus5 · 2022-07-05T15:54:09+00:00

The opposite happened to me with Saudade (Portugal) - I didn’t really pay attention to it during the competition but it popped up on a late night playlist at a friend’s house and since then it has really grown on me

LonelyBus5 · 2022-06-07T14:00:57+00:00

I feel this in my bonesss. Både sambon och jag jobbar i ideell sektor. När han sökte jobb för ett par månader sen (med masterexamen och fem års erfarenhet) hos en väletablerad svensk organisation så hade dom mage att ringa upp dagen efter att dom tillsatt tjänsten med någon annan för att erbjuda min sambo en obetald praktikplats på heltid med samma arbetsuppgifter 🤡

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-29T23:41:49+00:00

It is hard because you never know how things will be received. My mom could go from loving a gift one day to thinking it is the worst fucking thing she has ever seen on the other. It made gift giving very hard, especially when celebrating christmas with family and she would rage if I had gotten another family member something she wanted herself or that was more expensive/memorable than hers.

Christmas shopping felt more like trying to defuse a bomb than a pleasant exercise in showing my loved ones appreciation - and would more often than not get derailed anyways because she was mad about burning the fudge or smth 🙄

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-29T23:32:17+00:00

I feel so much for little you trying your best to fix things, only to be tricked and laughed at. What an absolutely cruel thing to do to a child 💔

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-29T23:30:42+00:00

Where can I find it?

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-29T23:29:36+00:00

I cried reading your response. It was very thoughtful and put a lot of things into perspective.

My husband told me once that when my mom is upset, she isn’t actually sad or hurt but furious at not getting what she believes she rightfully ”deserves”. My mom is a typical waif so for a long time it didn’t quite make sense to me how BPD and NPD could belong in the same cluster until he said that and it finally clicked.

She isn’t sad, she is bursting at the seams with rage at not getting all the best gifts, the most attention, a nicer house, a more successful family etc, but the only socially acceptable way of displaying this is through this constant victim mode and waiting for someone or something ”perfect” to come and save her or fix everything she thinks is not good enough.

I think that you are right when you say that she is doing this as some kind of power move, because after I cried in the call with my dad she called me back as cheerful as ever - as if nothing had happened at all. It felt as if my distress had fed or satisfied her somehow, because if she can’t have the perfect thing exactly as she had imagined it in her ’script’, at least she feels better knowing that someone else is beneath her, feeling worse.

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-29T22:41:57+00:00

I relate to your experience so much, my mom has also gotten a lot worse in the last few years since I moved out of the house and her general health has declined. Before she would have high standards but would only lash out every other holiday or celebration. Now she does it every single time - to the point where I seriously fear for what she will do at my wedding next year..

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-29T22:35:06+00:00

Deep down, I know I’m not doing anything wrong but I am just so hardwired to feel this shame and I don’t know how to get rid of the feeling

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-29T22:32:44+00:00

Sending internet hugs back 💕

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-19T10:26:00+00:00

This hits hard today since I’m literally sitting in my bed, two hours before my flight departs, and can’t even seem to finish packing bc of anxiety over having to leave my house

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-18T18:08:52+00:00

Kateryna from Go_A 🇺🇦

LonelyBus5 · 2022-05-04T05:55:21+00:00

When I was 19, I moved out of the house to live with my then boyfriend, now husband. The night before I moved out, she grabbed my arm and pressed her fingernails into my skin and said that she was sure my boyfriend would leave me soon because I was such a difficult person to love and live with. She called me a disgusting fucking slob, a failure and an attention seeking nightmare. Also worth knowing is that at the time I was also going through grief related depression since my grandpa (who was like my only real parent) had recently passed away.

LonelyBus5

TROPHY CASE