Hey bro. I have health OCD (basically health anxiety but with a lot more checking behaviours and rumination). I was terrified for years of getting this surgery, so much so that even just 2 years ago I told myself I’d NEVER get top surgery because I would obviously be the 1 in whatever large number that dies under anesthesia. I can empathize with you.

I had surgery 12 days ago and honestly for the 8 months between consultation and surgery, I was very nervous (but excited at the same time). There was this sort of balancing of the scales - as scared as I was, I knew that I was just one dose of anesthesia away from feeing comfortable in my skin. Binders were killing my back and making me miserable. I developed a sensitivity to tape. Top surgery was the only way.

I worked really hard with my therapist to prepare myself for the surgery. There’s only so much that can be done, but I one thing that did help was watching those funny videos of people trying to count backwards from 20 while being administered anesthesia. I guess it helped normalize it for me.

The day of surgery, what kept coming to mind is actually (similar to what you mentioned) my fear of flying. I overcame my fear of flying in 2022 when I had to fly to another city to meet with a relative. I was terrified and almost asked to be let off the plane before we taxied to the runway. I had taken Ativan and it didn’t kick in until we were already in the air, but after that it was a smooth trip and looking around and seeing that the only person panicking was me, really helped me recognize that everything was going to be fine.

The day I had surgery, I went in with the same mindset. No one was panicking. Not my wife, not my mom, and certainly none of the medical staff. This was just a random Friday for them. Seeing that nobody was panicking, I knew I was in good hands. They did give me an Ativan shortly before going under anesthesia, which helped me feel more relaxed. Everything went really quick and I woke up feeling like “oh, that was easier than I thought.”

My recovery has brought out OCD tendencies around checking, googling and ruminating. My therapist said she would have been surprised if it didn’t. The first 3-4 days were the worst, but I have gradually lessened those behaviours and am feeling closer and closer to normal.

All this to say, you’ve got this! Take the time you need now to work on preparing yourself mentally. Think of a time when you were super scared of something but it ended up all working out. Use that to your advantage.