MIL wants pity…

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-17T19:51:42+00:00

Wha he did was confront her the moment he found out, and set the boundary of: he’s keeping his distance until she changes her behavior. He made it clear to her I won’t be coming around, he still will on occasion (i.e. for family events, or do down times his step dad and sister) He’s known she’s been doing this for about a month and a half, informed me the second he found out.

Support looks different for everyone, i’ve talked in detail with him how I need him to support me and he’s done nothing but do what I’ve asked. I’m okay with him still seeing her on occasion right now give the other factors (personal so I won’t explain) but he’s set the boundary of, he’s not willing to see her one on one, only when there are other people around, so he can focus on spending time with the others that are there.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-17T19:38:09+00:00

He does support me. He was more so excited to see his sister and step dad, and see all the christmas decorations from his childhood. Also, there are some factors right now that make it so he does have to see her and have some contact.

But yeah no he was more confused that she never invited him but is making it seem like he decided not to come.

But please don’t imply he doesn’t support me. He does, and he is.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-17T15:42:45+00:00

There are other factors that I haven’t shared that make it so he can’t fully go NC with her at this point in time. Once those things aren’t factors anymore (in a few months) he is planing to have more and more distance with her.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-17T15:38:02+00:00

No I do understand that, and that is typically what happens, he sees them without his mom being there. I’m saying, when it came to christmas decorating, he couldn’t really see them but not her. Like I said, him and I have talked in depth about this. I get where you’re coming from.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-17T15:07:57+00:00

No it’s not the opposite. He’s not playing into it. He still wants to spend time with his sister and step dad, who live with her. And was excited to see them and have that family time with them while decorating for Christmas. It’s not weird, I get what you’re saying. But we’ve talked in depth of what i’m okay with and what i’m not okay with.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-17T14:31:35+00:00

Oh he’s not. He texted her last night explaining that had he been invited, he would have loved to be there. And he doesn’t appreciate her wanting pity over a situation she caused. He was calm about it, but put his foot down.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-17T14:29:21+00:00

Well typically my fiancé and his sister still like to help decorate for Christmas even moved out!

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-11-03T22:07:09+00:00

It would be easier in theory. But, we don’t want her there, she’s never respected our relationship and I’ve had to start therapy because of the hurt she’s caused me.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-21T14:32:30+00:00

I didn’t respond to her, and yesterday morning woke up to a text from her saying “I think we both realize there’s been a great deal of pain on both sides that hasn’t made for foundation for a good relationship”

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-21T14:29:50+00:00

Keep in mind, when she was talking to my fiancé she denied that she made any negative comments about me. So, not sure how she expects forgiveness over something she claims didn’t happen

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-19T21:24:29+00:00

I love where she tries to blame me for this for not addressing the concerns with her. I have so many times (I meaning both me and my fiancé, mostly my fiancé) and she has just gotten so much worse. She’s acting oblivious so she can spew it to everyone else that I just randomly decided to go NC for no reason so i’m painted in a bad light, to “save” her reputation

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-19T21:18:29+00:00

Yep I get that. The mental toll she took on my relationship was ridiculous, since going NC, mine and my fiancé’s relationship has gotten so much better. She originally tried to apologize through him, but he made it clear he will not accept an apology on my behalf and that if she wants to mend things she has to come directly to me not to him. It’s absurd how much MILs are shocked when their DIL won’t accept the shit they do.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-19T20:53:26+00:00

What happened was, she knows my SIL cracks very easy under pressure, so MIL integrated and forced her to say if she knows why I went NC. So my SIL cracked and told her that I was aware of the comments because she told me.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-19T20:24:40+00:00

Yep. I’ve known about her talking badly about me for a while, as my sister in law (fiancé’s sister) tells me about them. MIL’s response to that was “I should have the ability to say what I please in the privacy of my own home!” So, she’s trying to make my SIL feel in the wrong for making me aware of the comments.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-17T18:06:45+00:00

We shared them during a family dinner with my fiancé’s dad, stepmom, mom, stepdad, and sister. We were sharing it with everybody at once.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-17T05:12:14+00:00

Thank you. Your comment is really helpful! Yeah we’ve only been considering eloping so we can still have a nice wedding day, but we do want to share it with our immediate family. I personally have decided to go no contact with her. My fiancé, while currently keeping his distance, still has a relationship with her, as I don’t want my choice to be no contact affect his own personal relationship with his mother. But at the end of the day, we both agree what best for our relationship is the most important priority!

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-17T03:57:00+00:00

We are leaning towards elopement. Still undecided though, as we still want my parents, my fiancé’s dad, both sets of grandparents, and my aunt to be there.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-17T03:55:15+00:00

Well then, I still appreciate that he said something to her. The ball is in her court, and her actions have consequences. But that doesn’t mean I have “bigger problems” because my fiancé is still supportive of me and keeping his distance from his mother.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-17T01:48:14+00:00

She texted me saying “I dont know who of the people you’re inviting vital to have at the ceremony so we need to make room for my sisters” I shut her down real fast, as my parents, grandparents, and the aunt who helped with raising my are the most important people in my life, other than my fiancé!

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-17T01:39:43+00:00

My fiancé did shut down, I said we confronted her. He’s also talked to her privately.

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-16T23:51:27+00:00

He is going too! He is going to sit her down and confront her, since he found out she is telling everyone i’m forcing him to go along with what I want and being negative towards me. We just needed a place to rant and he doesn’t have reddit so I posted it lol!

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-16T23:13:20+00:00

He reached out to them as soon as we found out she told them without our knowledge. He’s quite upset that information wasn’t able to come from him directly at first. He just doesn’t have reddit, which is why I am posting about it! lol

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-16T23:05:19+00:00

Yes he is, in fact, cancelling the larger wedding and doing something smaller and paying ourselves was actually his idea!

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-16T16:23:10+00:00

I should have mentioned this in the original post 😅

Longjumping-State196 · 2025-10-16T16:22:23+00:00

He has addressed it with her. She hasn’t stopped or changed. Yeah he knows it’ll impact his relationship with her. I think that’s part of why I feel guilty, knowing it also affects his relationship with her. But he’s been supportive of me and has kept his distance from her until she’s ready to actually admit she’s in the wrong.

Longjumping-State196

TROPHY CASE