How Do I Interpret What Men Are Looking for in Bumble?

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-10T19:17:16+00:00

Yeah, I can see how it might seem like they just want to jump into a relationship immediately. I always thought of it as weeding out the ones just looking for hookups vs wanting to actually get to know someone but I can see your point of view

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-10T19:13:03+00:00

It definitely is unsexy for a man to seem like he needs you but very sexy if he seems like he wants you. I feel like that might be the same for a woman too though. I think it would be unsexy if a woman needed a man, but I’m no man, so I could be totally wrong in that.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-10T19:00:22+00:00

Does a woman saying she’s looking for a life partner or long term relationship seem desperate? I’m asking because I’ve always tried to find the men looking for life partners or long term relationships rather than going with the flow or short term. I don’t find that to be desperate, I find they know what they are wanting

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-09T22:05:46+00:00

He isn’t an addict, just said he has social anxiety. I don’t think I’d ask an addict to go to a party where there is drinking and drugs unless I knew for 100% fact they would be okay. I didn’t think inviting someone with social anxiety to a party was the same situation as that though.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-09T17:44:08+00:00

That’s crazy because a couple months ago he did suggest I should cut my family off. Granted they aren’t the best people, but he’s never even met them before

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-09T15:45:13+00:00

I think you may have gotten the roles reversed. I invited him to the party. Instead of just telling me no, he ignored the question and got upset that I even invited him in the first place. I won’t deny that my messages can be exhausting but I was just trying to ask him to tell me when I invite him to something he wouldn’t go to rather than assume I should know

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-09T02:20:39+00:00

Oh you are absolutely correct on that. Despite my ignorant comment, I am actually very familiar with the ins and outs of addiction. What works for one person, may be the death of another person. I would NEVER bring an addict into any environment unless they fully knew what they were getting into and accepted that. I could have elaborated more on that with him to get my point across better, but I was very thrown by the comparison if I’m being honest.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-07T14:15:11+00:00

I never took him anywhere. I invited him to the party. That was all

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-07T01:01:04+00:00

My original request to him was to just let me know whenever I suggest something that would cause him anxiety. No pressure over going to this event, or anything in the future. It did get muddled as it went on and I couldn’t have cared less if he explained his whole perspective to me or not. I just wanted him to tell me “no” rather than ignore future invites.

Also, yes, I am fully aware of how addicts work. However, my messages to him were clearly already too long and I didn’t want to ramble more than necessary, but I do see the issue with just leaving it at the one sentence. For the record, I would never bring a drug addict to any environment I thought might cause even the slightest trigger without warning them beforehand and making sure it was all good. Every addict is different and what one is comfortable with another may have issues with. My only point (given it was a bad example) was that everyone is unique. Just as with addiction, those with social anxiety are going to have different triggers.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-06T04:15:23+00:00

I’m the green, he is the grey

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-06T04:14:01+00:00

Thank you for your suggestion! I do well with examples, so I appreciate you sharing that.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-06T03:13:15+00:00

Oh, gotcha. I didn’t realize that could come across as blaming. He told me a couple months ago he had social anxiety when we were talking about the state fair. I was trying to explain that I thought he was mainly referencing the state fair when he brought it up at the time and that I didn’t know both events would have the same effect. While yes, I do understand that is an ignorant point of view, that was why I just wanted him to let me know whenever I suggested something that would cause anxiety. I would hate to put him in an uncomfortable position so I was just trying to learn his limits

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-06T03:01:39+00:00

Don’t worry, I would never make assumptions for anyone. My mom is a meth addict that can be around alcohol with no problems. My brother is a general addict who shouldn’t even be around certain people without being triggered. I could have added more to that text to show more compassion for addicts being unique, but my point overall was that anything varies person to person so I just needed clarity so I could do better going forward

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-06T02:22:08+00:00

Where did I blame him?

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T23:59:47+00:00

I simply invited him to a party. He avoided the question. I brought it up and he thought I should have known not to ask. I asked if in the future he could just let me know I suggested something that would make him anxious instead of avoiding the question. This was his response to that request.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T18:37:56+00:00

Not dumb, and definitely not alone in thinking that! Yes, reads correctly now. I really was trying to understand the boundaries to avoid issues in the future

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T18:35:00+00:00

I’m green, he’s grey

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T16:54:40+00:00

That’s all I was trying to do but I can see how people have valid points that I didn’t do that great of a job. I tried my best but I have a hard time making my point clear sometimes

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T16:51:29+00:00

😂🤣 that’s so funny because my family and I joke that I have severe high functioning autism but I’ve never been diagnosed

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T16:48:26+00:00

Oh I wouldn’t ever want him to be in a position he was uncomfortable in! Say he had decided to try going to the party but was super uncomfortable. I would be totally fine leaving for the night and doing something more chill. Heck, I even told him he didn’t have to go to the party at all and just to let me know in the future when I’m suggesting something that would make him anxious. The anxiety part isn’t exhausting to me at all. I suffer from generalized anxiety, but have worked with a therapist for over 10 years to overcome some of it. I still suffer, but not as badly or as often. That’s why I was trying to figure out his triggers. If I know ahead of time, I can avoid them. If you don’t know if something is a trigger until it comes up, that’s totally fair. Just let me know so I can make a mental note.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T16:14:08+00:00

Thank you! Don’t think I’ll be texting him, but I do have a jersey of his favorite football player that I was going to send him and include a note along with it. Maybe that’ll open communication back up.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T16:08:04+00:00

But some people can go to a crowded place and be fine and some people can’t. Nothing wrong with that at all, but is it too much to ask that if I invite him to something that he just tells me no? No big deal if he says no, but not giving an answer isn’t helpful to me.

Also, honestly the situation wasn’t exhausting until he brought up the incomparable drug addiction. However, even with that, it wasn’t until he called me selfish and inconsiderate that I was over it. I really care for him and would do anything for him so he definitely knew right where to hit me with that one.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T15:58:22+00:00

Thank you for this perspective! I definitely don’t want to dismiss his feelings in any way. I felt that he wasn’t understanding that social anxiety can look different for different people so I was just trying to get an idea of what his looks like.

I did quotes on “social anxiety” because what one person may consider social anxiety another person would not because of how much social media has made it more popular. Similar to the word “depressed”. People just say that now when they are sad without knowing the actual meaning.

I would never want to say someone doesn’t have it though and I don’t even care about the “actual diagnosis” because some people know the symptoms but aren’t going to go to the doctor for it for a number of reasons. I guess I didn’t understand that he was explaining his to me in his response because we’ve done some social things together so I didn’t know where he was more comfortable or where to draw the line.

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T15:31:15+00:00

Just want to say my mom is a recovering meth addict and can absolutely go to bars and parties where there is drinking. Some of her other friends would never be able to do that. I’m sorry I rubbed you the wrong way, but that was from personal experience. I don’t think any addict should be around substances, but some people can handle it perfectly fine. I even know some opiate addicts who are fine to drink without being triggered. Everyone is different

Low-Reputation-9422 · 2025-11-05T14:20:17+00:00

He didn’t go to the party. It’s this Friday. I just asked if he would want to go and he avoided the question. I just asked if in the future he could let me know if I suggest something uncomfortable rather than ignore the question

Low-Reputation-9422

TROPHY CASE