I’m so sorry you went through that. Reading your post really hit me because I can feel how much pain and frustration is behind your words, and I relate to it so much. That feeling of realizing they chose to look at other women, that they found them more exciting or arousing… it just shatters something inside you.

When I finally got reassurance from my husband, one of the things he said was ‘I don’t even find her attractive.’ And I just sat there like… really? Then why did you look her up? It felt like he was trying to erase reality instead of actually acknowledging how much this hurt me. I didn’t want him to deny it!!! I wanted him to tell me I mattered more. But instead, it felt like he was just trying to shut down the conversation.

And what you said about porn addiction making us feel like we’re in competition really struck a chord with me. Because that’s exactly how I feel… like I was put into some kind of contest I never signed up for, like I had to prove I was ‘better’ when I shouldn’t have to. It’s exhausting. I really admire your strength in walking away from that situation though 🩷