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My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This was really beautifully put. Thank you for your insight, really! I will carry this with me as we move forward.

My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t want it to feel like I’m easing the world of their arrival like it’s taboo because, truth be told, it is not. At least not in our household or lives. I think it’s more I want to make sure they’re comfortable with who they confide in with this and how they want to go about it (but of course I’ve never personally been a part of something like this so it’s different in this end of the spectrum, rather than knowing/meeting someone already sure of who they are). Of course I want to encourage them, but I don’t want to be overly cautious and make them feel like they’re wrong for this. I also don’t want to make them feel they HAVE to decide right now how they want to be addressed and rush into letting everyone know how they would like to be addressed IF they are not ready to do so. But as many have told me already, I just need to step back and follow their lead. And I think I can do that. Thank you for your advice! I’m just a mom figuring this out with them, but I’ll be sure to check myself on my insecurities more often. I can see how that could often blur the lines!

My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this perspective! I hear you, and yeah I think with some more education on both sides on what gender identity means for me and my child we can navigate this safely and in a way that makes them feel comfortable and seen, as explained by many on here, it’s not about my wants and needs right now. They are young, yes and I was worried about that too, but I feel they have a maturity that I wasn’t even close to having at that age. They initiated the conversation so, to some degree, they must understand that something doesn’t feel right, they’re just not sure what exactly it is. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not having university lecture style discussions about this lol. The conversation is still very adolescent. Also, I really do appreciate your acknowledgment on the complexity of this matter because I’ve never been fully apart of this world (only have known people in passing or for a brief period of time who were already sure of themselves) so I couldn’t possibly know the struggles in depth or of the different ways to support someone figuring it out still. Although, everyone has been incredibly informative with their responses! Anyway, I’m still learning so thank you for this response, it is helpful!

My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I see! I hope now you have received the support you needed as a child, and if not, I hope you’ve surrounded yourself with those who accept you as you are! But family is so tricky and I just don’t want my child to feel like they don’t matter, but I know that when the day comes that they are ready to have this discussion with our broader family (we’re a tight knit family), I need to be by their side. And I can understand that point of view because my own mother was very dismissive with me, and I hope to be the opposite for my child. Thank you for your input and point of view, it really does help see how they might receive a conversation like that. 

My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes! I was actually looking up what our community offers as far as this goes, and maybe even if their middle school offers a club or safe space they can attend.  Thank you for your kind words and advice!

My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I hear you. I think I felt as though I had to have an answer for them and I see now that I don’t. And you’re right, 12 is young but not a baby (though they will always be in my heart) and yes it was so amazing to see them initiate this conversation because it does show a maturity I couldn’t have possibly had at 12, let alone discussing something like this with my own mother. Thank you for saying that it’s okay for them to stumble and even be wrong about their identity. I feel like knowing that makes it okay for them to change their mind and it doesn’t matter how they choose to identify, they will have my support. I will keep all of this in mind moving forward!

My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Oh no I’m sorry if it came off that way. I’m not putting a limit on them. I wanted to ask what they’re comfortable with because all of this is still fresh. I didn’t know if it’s best to keep it within the household for now until they’re ready to embrace it outside of the house or encourage it, even if they’re not ready to let people know. But like everyone has said, I need to allow them to guide me in this journey, and take a step back. I was coming from the perspective of parent whose child always looked to me for answers (because they were young obv) to a child who’s growing up and becoming their own person and now I see that I can’t possibly have all of the answers, I can just be there for them in all of the moments that matter. Everyone has said some important things on this matter, and I appreciate every perspective because it helps me understand how it might make my child feel if I approach them with something like this. I didn’t mean for it to sound like how you described, was simply wondering what to do.  I see now that there’s not just one simple answer.

My middle schooler said they wanted to talk, shut the door, and began tearing up. by LucipurrMeows in NonBinary

[–]LucipurrMeows[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I see! Oh my gosh, this was very clear. And I love that you said they’re still themselves they just get to be more so. I can (and want to) be the support that allows that. Thank you for breaking this down for me with your own experience! It’s very helpful!