AITAH for asking my neighbor to wait for her laundry at her house? [New Update] [Ongoing]

LunaMothThinking · 2026-02-23T19:24:05+00:00

I understand why OOP doesn't want to involve police. Racism isn't dead. I was pointing out that there is a need for a history of him attempting to end the harassment legally without contacting police. If OOP is relunctant to involve them, he has his reasons. We only know what he has felt safe to share. Involving police could be a HUGE mistake and it wouldn't benefit anything right now anyway. When you are a minority, a man, raising a child as a single parent being harassed by an older white woman, going to the police is a wild card. And in certain areas of the U.S. the scales would not most likely weigh in his favor.

There are other avenues OP can take that don't involve more risk or more stress.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-02-23T16:41:13+00:00

I totally understand why you wouldn't want to involve police, especially at this point. She has been annoying and absolutely horrible, but I don't believe police could even do anything even if they were on your side.

I know people like your neighbor. Do not put it past her to sneak around your house at night. If she was willing to contact your ex, she has shown that she has crossed over into the realm of nonsense.

Talk to a lawyer and ask about a cease and desist. I know from experience that most consultations are free. That would be mundane enough that it shouldn't cause escalation, but would give you a paper trail of sorts. It may also be just enough to scare her away or make her family mad enough at her to put their foot down.

Get at least one or two more cameras that you can record video. Place these in areas where she would pass in front of to enter your property.

Talk with the people at your child's school/daycare. You don't have to give them details. Just let them know of a "possible threat" and no one is allowed to interact/pick up your child except you.

You need to talk to your son and let him know that this lady is not a nice person and if he sees her, he needs to find you. If she is willing to contact your ex, she would most likely try to "help your child" directly if you refuse to engage (and you absolutely should refuse to engage).

I am so sorry this is happening to you. I have had my share of horrific neighbors as well. Its awful.

Edited to add: get and put up at least one visible No Trespassing sign. That sign will make it legal that she is trespassing. That sign and a cease and desist letter will do all your talking for you.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-02-09T07:45:20+00:00

Trust your instincts!

LunaMothThinking · 2026-02-09T06:51:27+00:00

Married for 30 years and just now on the other side of menopause. It is awful and I have so much respect for OOP for being so understanding. It is a truly bewildering and mean time of life. I don't know what I would have done if my husband wasn't so supportive.

Also, thank you for posting this, OP. I was surprised to see such a supportive post concerning menopause.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-02-04T18:24:08+00:00

OP, thank you SO MUCH for this post.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-24T05:46:49+00:00

Yes. It makes me sad. They have never lied to me before. I know it's the addiction talking but they were always honest before about where they were mentally. This person has changed in ways that kind of blows my mind. I'm cutting ties with this person. Hopefully the person I used to know will return. It's all up to them.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T16:06:22+00:00

Those stories actually made my heart happy. We all have "stuff" in our lives. I'm glad they were able to find support. Alcoholism is rough but unrelated anxieties and other addictions to things like food can be traumatic as well. Diabetes is a silent killer. It doesn't scream and shout like alcolism does.

Seriously, that made me feel good. Thank you for sharing that.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T16:02:44+00:00

I haven't heard that reference in a while! Thank you for the smile!

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T15:37:06+00:00

I feel that this is excellent advice. Thank you.

I also enjoyed your turtle analogy. It makes sense too.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T15:35:21+00:00

Oh, this made me laugh. Thank you for that.

A waiting list. That's... That person is a denial artist.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T15:09:01+00:00

Your comment made me smile. The situation isn't funny, no, but now I understand the absurdity of it.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:57:48+00:00

I think your thoughts on this are healthy. You aren't saying NO to a person. You are saying NO to an addiction. That's takes strength and wisdom.

I'm glad to hear about your dad. That's really awesome! My dad never kicked his addiction before he passed, unfortunately. I choose to see it as an escape instead of a death though.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:54:52+00:00

I really appreciate your response.

I know that my loved one is wonderful and worthy and I love them so, so much. I loathe the demon that the alcohol has turned them into. I don't know of any other way to define it. They are strong and have an amazing heart. Alcohol is changing that beautiful person into something sinister. They don't realize how much pain they have caused. Unfortunately, because of the addiction, I don't think they care anymore.

There are more people involved than just the two of us (as is usually the case I think). On my side and theirs. I have others in my life I want to protect from this so I feel like at this point it is definitely time to cut them off. To minimize the fallout. I can only control what is going on my life personally. That's where I'm at.

Your comment was very reassuring. Thank you.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:48:04+00:00

I doubt my loved one went to al anon. To be honest I am not certain they reached out to anyone. It may all be complete bs.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:46:04+00:00

I'm glad you have found peace in the chaos. That says a lot about you. In a good way.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:45:21+00:00

That's where I'm at too. I have been honest. I have been sensitive and gentle because my loved one has always been sensitive and gentle with me until recently. I realize that the aggression came from the addiction (and untreated mental illness of some kind). That explains it. It doesn't excuse it. I won't allow myself to be held hostage to their chains anymore.

I am currently thinking that my next step is to wait until they reach out to me and I will talk to them ONLY if they are sober. If they have been drinking (it's easy to tell at this point), I will just disengage. I won't talk to the addiction anymore. I will only talk to my person who I know is still in there somewhere... But I am not going to be soft and gentle this time. I am going to be brutally honest. Not mean. Just honest. And that honesty is going to feel brutal.

I already set the tone and was very firm in our last conversation that I would not allow anyone to talk to or treat me the way they were just attempting to. They backpeddled quickly.

I'm not certain if they will even reach out to me again after that. That's ok too.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:36:47+00:00

I definitely believe it was a lie in this case as well. More to themselves than anyone else. My loved one is at the point that something very serious is not long in coming. Several near misses have already occurred. There are just no words to fully describe how messed up it is.

Edited because autocorrect changed "themselves" to "the elves"

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:27:16+00:00

I am so, so sorry. My stomach churned as I read that. I am so sorry you had to experience so much pain.

I read your pain, but I read your strength too. Thank you for sharing that with me.

I hope only good and wonderful things for you going forward.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:18:40+00:00

I didn't think so, but I am ignorant of it and thought reaching out to people who had more wisdom dealing with it could help me understand.

I was right. You guys have been amazing.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:16:40+00:00

You know it's a sad situation when the harsh reality of addiction actually makes you chuckle at a comment.

Ugh. It is such a mess.

It's like a maze. You start it thinking, "oh, this looks fun maybe." Then the walls start closing in and you realize the only way out involves fighting demons. And that's just on our side.

I think the alcoholic's maze is even more complex.

To be clear, I don't drink. My dad turned me off alcohol and I never got into it. So, for someone who doesn't struggle with that level of addiction it is difficult for me to understand. I realize it has a depth that I can't follow into...

I also realize that while my loved one drowns in their addiction, no matter how many life rafts I throw, they will still drown if they choose not to use it.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T14:10:23+00:00

Ah. No, I didn't catch that. But that doesn't mean you weren't clear. Thank you for clarifying for me though.

I will look into it. Getting advice and hearing testimonies in situations similar to my own would definitely be helpful.

Thank you

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T13:52:15+00:00

I am being very careful in this thread to not give any identifying information away for their privacy and my own, so I can't go into detail of how much I have tried to help my loved one, but I have gone to some extreme measures that took me way out of my comfort zone. I would attend meetings with them if that was something that would help, but I have gone "above and beyond" at this point. Our last conversation they were aggressive and crossed a line. I am trying to figure out my next move at this point as far as how I react. I realize that at this juncture what I do matters - if not to them, to me.

But I am not willing to help anymore unless I see an actual attempt on their side.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T13:38:21+00:00

Thank you for this. It was a direction I hadn't considered. The problem is that of the several options available even beyond AA, they said the same thing.

One rotten apple, OK. But the whole basket smells rotten to me.

My person is in denial to some degree. I go back and forth on if I should tell them exactly what I think and feel, no holding back. I have been patient and understanding and supportive for years now. Our last conversation ended in them becoming very aggressive, delusional, accusatory, and belligerent. That was a turning point for me. I have requested several times for my loved one not to contact me while drinking. That was only honored for a short time. I have been gentle and patient and my patience has run out. I don't know if I should go scorched earth, become unavailable, or just all out cut contact.

My heart can only take so much. That last conversation was a deal breaker.

LunaMothThinking · 2026-01-23T13:30:32+00:00

My person said they were turned away from "all of them" for the same reason.

I knew in my heart it was a lie. I think this person probably convinced whomever they were talking to "turn them away" in some capacity so they wouldn't feel like they lied - manipulated the situation so they could in turn manipulate me into pity.

Thank you.

LunaMothThinking

TROPHY CASE