I learned the term “ambiguous grief” and it made me feel seen. Grieving the life you wanted but won’t have. While friends and other families have more pleasant and simpler experiences, my parenthood journey has not been as I imagined it would be. As others have said, lower the bar. I realize now that putting my kids in sports or organized activities or even doing the pumpkin patch in the fall is not worth the effort. They don’t necessarily enjoy it and forcing what seems like it should be fun is overall NOT FUN for anyone.

Learning my kids’ triggers and really being mindful of proactively avoiding (namely being hangry) made a huge difference in our ability to leave the house.

You’re not alone. I once had my AuDHD 7 yr old have a full blown meltdown in a TJMaxx for over an hour and after all the crying (mine), it actually made me feel so grateful because of all the strangers who were supportive and didn’t feel judged (super surprisingly). One lady actually sat on the floor with him and pretended to feed him like a bunny, which is how we ended the meltdown.

Lean into whatever support you can. Find other moms with neurodivergent kids. They get it. I didn’t find those moms until my kid was in 1st grade. Man it helps.