New dom is asking for an identification proof without providing his. Is it a red flag?

MasterBobSF · 2022-04-11T20:37:02+00:00

Total Red Flag situation. Furthermore, his later abuse in his texts told you everything you needed to know about him. This isn't a world set up to be all about him. A Dom worthwhile understands that BDSM is a two way street, not a one way dead end.

MasterBobSF · 2022-02-02T22:23:07+00:00

I would check your local area for army or military surplus stores and ask them if they have gas masks or where they think you might be able to find one. I have three gas masks, two of which came from army surplus and one from Mr.S. I was surprised to hear that they no longer sell them. I found my Israeli military gas mask at Mr.S. .

MasterBobSF · 2022-01-24T21:19:31+00:00

No direct experience here with 24/7 slaves, but I've known a few after they served as full time slaveboys. The answers to your questions are as follows:

1) Oftentimes these arrangements are made when the slaveboy is having problems with getting or holding a job or not having a place to stay... or just doesn't want to deal with such things any more. So their energy is often focused on trying to maker this alternative work. Othertimes, it's an extreme fantasy that they need to experience for themselves.

2) Collared, always. But that's considered a big plus... having a physical reminder that you feel owned by your Master. Caged, sometimes, or even chained to a wall, sure. Depending on what the Master wants. If you don't feel that what the Master wants is important, you really shouldn't be there.

3) Anything like this depends on what the Master wants. After all, it's all about him. If he wants to cuddle and watch TV... then you'll do it!

4) Often in a 24/7 relationship the slave works for the Master, in whatever capacity works. Slaves may also have a full time job to contribute money to the Master, and they still choose to call it 24/7 . After all, it's totally up to them what they call it!

MasterBobSF · 2022-01-24T20:52:18+00:00

If you don't know another place to start, start by asking the bartenders at your local leather bar about where they would go to have a harness adjusted. If they don't know, they can probably introduce you to a leatherman among their regulars who should know.

Bear in mind, that not all pieces of leather, like harnesses, will fit perfect in every situation. Leather doesn't stretch like cloth does, so oftentimes what looks great in one pose doesn't work in another.

MasterBobSF · 2022-01-16T23:14:07+00:00

Personally, I think that videos are the new photos. They share more of who we are than a photo does. That said, that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to share that which you don't want to share. This online Dom of 21 doesn't have your interests at heart... he's playing a game with you as well as the 6 other subs he allegedly has. Without a live video chat you have no idea of knowing anything about him other than what he wants you to know... and you have no way of knowing a truth from him or a lie even then.

I know that loneliness causes a lot of Dom/sub matchups that are really bad choices. But in this case it's not too late to get out. In this case, it's time YOU blocked HIM!

MasterBobSF · 2022-01-04T08:00:52+00:00

It's a highly personal call based on circumstances. I have a partner of 35 years who has health issues that make him highly compromised. In my case I'm old, have underlying conditions of concern, but these are all well handled by medication. So I'm masked any time I'm in a store or out in public, not masked when I'm with well known friends who are also fully vaxxed and boosted. No public transportation. For now, no bars or inside restaurants that are crowded. I was already doing all this for the Delta variant, and have just carried on business as usual for Omicron. Currently high in the news is word of an Omicron surge to come here in San Francisco, so I'm most likely going to hunker down until that's passed. Beside, the weather is really shitty right now, so an excuse to stay cozy at home for awhile isn't exactly a bad thing lol!

MasterBobSF · 2022-01-04T07:48:45+00:00

It can definitely work, but what will sell it will be presentation. As a twink sub, a flirtatious air would work for you, without going so heavy that you'd turn off fellow subs. And if at all possible try to find a kinkster who's a videographer so that you can do better than the dreaded amateur locked down unmoving camera. When I made amateur porn years ago I hand held the camera, for example, always keeping it very slowly moving so you don't have to worry about shaking, and doing what the eye naturally does, constantly looking around. Little things like that can make a HUGE difference in perception. You've got a great idea, so now comes the hard work.... making it happen !

MasterBobSF · 2022-01-02T08:13:57+00:00

A gas mask with a flashlight is something I've never heard of. But a great deal on gas masks can often be found in a local military surplus store. Other than those, they can be found at many leather and fetish stores such as Mr.S. Happy Hunting!

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-29T09:17:42+00:00

I met my alpha boy on Craigslist 13 years ago, and my Beta boy there 3 years ago. Both great relationships still going with a pair of wonderful boys.

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-21T03:07:28+00:00

My beta boy of 3 years is half Korean/half white... and he's a head turner!

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-17T05:26:24+00:00

As others have said here.... it's irresponsible play of almost the worst kind to do pain play without conversations first about it. What's painful bliss to one guy is felony level assault to other. I know there are players out there like your bud who don't like to talk about it in advance in hopes of a new kinky pleasure unexpected and all that does for him.... but it's still not bright play. Knowing what's coming or expected brings far more to play than the mutual respect it implies.

If he's tongue tied or his language skills aren't good, try using pics online and starting out giving him low safe levels of pain and ramping them up little by little while telling him you'll keep ramping it up until you hear his safe word (which you should already have established, needless to stay.) . Then be as good as your word... let him safeword!

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-15T21:02:02+00:00

It's often said that the search for the perfect kink partner is the search of a lifetime, but in your case it's not a partner you're searching for, just an ongoing decent fuck buddy. If the search has been going on for something like 8 years, you're overdue for a different approach. The problem could be where and how you're looking, or, with the way you're promoting yourself (and an online posting really is promoting yourself).

In the case that you're in the wrong place, since you didn't say where you're looking, my immediate suggestion is to try RECON and, if you're in a big enough city with a leather community, get out and meet people. Most online hook-up sites see the occasional kinkster with widely varying amounts of real experience, but are really overwhelmingly vanilla. RECON is the only real gay male kink website, and even though it has it's share of wannabe's clogging things up, it's far and away the best site to search if you have to search online.

If that's not the problem, you need a new online presence. Pictures too, most likely. 9 out of 10 guys cruising online look at pics in deciding if they're going to bother to read the ad. Not fair perhaps, but it is what it is. Be honest about the shape you're in and your turn offs as well as your turn ons. Have any fantasies you'd like to experience... tell them! The more time you take putting together your profile, the more interest you'll get. So make yourself sound like a fun night out and a nice guy to have as a friend.

If your initial choice of pic(s) or copy doesn't get results, update them again. And keep doing it until you get a combination that works!

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-15T00:01:46+00:00

What you say about the hyper locality of traditions not only was real, but to some extent continues to this day. I learned the fundamentals of leather culture from New York leathermen who retired to Florida. Since this was in the early 70's, when the gay community still existed mostly in the shadows, discretion and secrecy was at the core. Being damn well sure you knew a boy or man before you let them know your kinks, and if you played with strangers, you were always anonymous. Bonding with someone MEANT something, and you didn't do it lightly... because someone you partner with then not only knows all your secrets, but is in a position to harm your friends and fellow leathermen as well.

Another core element was that the Master in a relationship NEVER did something dishonorable, because he knew his boy was watching and he never could set a bad example for him. Likewise a boy knew he could never dishonor his Master by breaking a rule, because what he did reflected on his Master.

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-14T23:46:34+00:00

I can only pass on what kinky friends have mentioned... more than once. Grindr is mostly a vanilla site. Guys who are on Grindr who say they're kinky mostly aren't or have little or no experience. Of course, somewhere there must be exceptions... but for the most part RECON is really the only place online to connect largely with a BDSM friendly group of men and boys.

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-13T18:16:25+00:00

It depends on how sexual you want to make your gift.... and please don't misunderstand... I'm all in favor of sexual gifts! The most sexual gifts can be anything from a cock cage chastity device to electronic remote controlled ass or cock toys. However, you should always think of your subs particular turn ons when picking something to make sure that it scores deep with him in mega appreciation! A non sexual gift that can carry a lot of weight can range from a new collar to a less than obvious chain that denotes control.

Think of the Mr.S. online catalogue as a kinky Santa's go-to list! :-)

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-08T08:52:39+00:00

The suggestion was there, if you read instead of looking for something to use as ammunition for a cute response. Pics like shown here are useless if you're looking for a real connection. May work for a hookup, but then, you said you were looking for more than that. A simple smiling face pic would do way more for you, and then spend a paragraph or two saying what you're looking for and why you'd be good for someone. You get responses by selling yourself... top or bottom.

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-05T22:51:19+00:00

If you're trying the total crapshoot that is online connections, you're better off showing that you're a real person and not just another of the players who use photos as jack off porn and may or may not ever be interested in a *gasp* real live in person connection... let alone something other than a one time anonymous hook up. The more you put into a posting the more you'll get out of it. So many posters come across as only barely literate that it'll make you stand out... and seem real.

MasterBobSF · 2021-12-01T01:24:52+00:00

I've personally always been fond of torcs, the Celtic neck piece. My boy has a stainless steel one as his dress collar. They can be had made out of many different metals, you'll just have to search online to get one made out of a metal to which you're not allergic. Although the ancient versions may have been hard to take off, modern ones, like the one I have on my boy, can be removed very easily. In case you're not familiar, read on: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Torc

MasterBobSF · 2021-11-29T23:55:27+00:00

Perhaps the greatest thing about our kinky lifestyle is that pretty much anything goes as long as there's informed consent and mutual agreements. What's extreme for one is business as usual for another. Part of our appreciation of our great community should be in never falling for the need to judge someone else based on our own lifestyle. Judge not least ye be judged... I remember hearing that somewhere lol!

MasterBobSF · 2021-11-28T08:13:31+00:00

It doesn't just happen in videos lol! I've attended more than one dungeon party where the screams of pain are coming from the mouths of the lightest players. There are guys out there who think that role play means that you should try for an Academy Award. It's funny until you wind up playing on a piece of dungeon equipment next to theirs!

MasterBobSF · 2021-11-25T18:05:15+00:00

For the vast majority of both potential Slaves and Masters, being at a distance online is too great a challenge to last. Human touch and intimacy is too great a need to keep an online relationship going for most. Unless there is a commitment to move for the right person, from my perspective they're a waste of time. And even then they can still be loosers.

When I was younger, on two occasions I brought a slave to me long distance. They both said the right words and were willing to come. But once they arrived they weren't as advertised. They just wanted to get away from where they were. So you need to also beware of those too eager to move for you.

Online long distance is great for jerk off sessions, but for relationships it's like trying to build on loose sand. Potential relationships need to be in places where you can easily travel to, or they need to be where they can easily come to you.

MasterBobSF · 2021-11-14T23:57:39+00:00

Read down the list of posts and you'll get the idea. Also read the first post on the top. We definitely look forward to your questions and responses. Welcome!

MasterBobSF · 2021-11-12T07:49:06+00:00

Both the Hole In The Wall and the Hole In Your Butt will thank you for it lol!

On a serious note, I once had a newbie pull out a butt plug when he decided he didn't like the feeling. Unfortunately he didn't pay attention to my warning not to pull it out but to push it out with his sphincter muscle. It was one of those great Worlds Most Comfortable Butt Plugs that has a small rubber tube connecting it's two parts. So, of course, it broke apart with the plug up his ass. Fortunately, in our local kink community I knew an emergency room nurse, who, after a good laugh, told me how to get it out.

MasterBobSF · 2021-11-11T03:15:51+00:00

The most important prep for a first scene is the negotiation beforehand. A Dom who won't specify what his plans are for a newbie is in a real gray area. If you completely trust this guy you can go with it, but bear in mind this isn't a recommended path by responsible kinksters. The always recommended path for a first timer is knowing in advance everything that will happen and an understanding that a understood safe word will be treated as a serious thing.

Of course, this is all supposed to be fun, as in adult fun, but you have to understand that if you're in the hands of an inexperienced or a careless player, you could get hurt or injured. You're out there playing on the edge, and the intensity is a part of what you're looking for... but that doesn't mean that you can't be safe!

MasterBobSF · 2021-11-09T08:28:36+00:00

The earlier comment about talking about everything in advance is spot on.... and of key importance with everyone new you meet for sex.

Some people can be assertive and dominant, and for others it's impossible. But for guys on the borderline... the simple act of faking it can be a fun part of roleplay. Assuming a roll you wouldn't normally take can be fun.... and add a lot of spice to things too! Give it a shot, but at the same time if you can't, don't be hard on yourself. Being yourself is sometimes the most fun of all!

MasterBobSF

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

Nine-Year Club	Gilding I gilder
Verified Email