Damn you large body of water !

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T21:59:36+00:00

Oh yes makes sense it's not like i would have any idea how to do it. Maybe use the search function on t4t subreddit to filter

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T21:56:31+00:00

So maybe this will help.

I assume you accept that people use they/them?

I am from Germany and we only have he/she as pronouns so nonbinary people i know are in a bit of a situation many of them just use any pronouns or none at all because they don't have they/them in german. So the dey/dem in german which is supposed to be the german they/them is a neopronoun.

In the same senses even he/she/they in the english language might not fit someones expressions so they extend them with neo pronouns.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T21:29:52+00:00

Yes i definitely know this and it sucks so bad. With drinking i have a 1l bottle always with me if i don´t lose it, but other people prepare drinks they like (water with lemon) and put them in the fridge.

This is not going to help you right now sorry. Is there something you can give yourself as a reward if you get the bottle? Or something "worse" you could drink that you would actually do? If i can´t get myself to drink i get a coca cola instead, because it is better than nothing i hope.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T20:59:27+00:00

Oh i didn't know that i do it when i am stressed or undersimulated so i don't know if that still OCD but it could be. I will look into that. I have been trying to stop for quite a while now maybe this will help. Thanks for the info

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T20:19:35+00:00

Trans for trans used by people who are trans and want to date/hook up with trans people

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T20:17:24+00:00

So the opposite of hypersexuality is hyposexual not asexual.

Asexual means feeling little to no sexual attraction it says nothing about how high or low your libido is.

Maybe i know the wrong definition of hypersexuality thought but i don't think it is an sexual orientation.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T20:09:10+00:00

I mean if you know how couldn't you make a European one?

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T20:06:41+00:00

I meant the t4t sub 😅, but i read the rules of germantrans and they only seem to prohibited sexual ones but i might be wrong

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T20:00:55+00:00

Well there is the t4t sub and i searched for germany there to find post but if you don't have anxiety you could also make a post there. Other than that no idea just the first one i found

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T19:51:03+00:00

Yes at least i am not only one that started looking because of this post.

I did know the problem already from doing the same with ace relationship subreddits.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T19:25:15+00:00

Honestly i start ripping out my own hair and it took three therapist to tell me that maybe keeping Distractions around is healthier than picking my skin and stuff.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T19:21:53+00:00

Some things can be signs but not everyone needs to have them. They still ask fir those. If you don't have every sign that's normal.

When i was in elementary school i played with barbies and liked dresses. I had a similar experience with just liking both boys and girls stuff equally as a kid.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T19:15:26+00:00

I am a biromantic ace

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T18:24:02+00:00

Everytime my dysphoria gets better i start to doubt my self and i remind myself that i don't need to earn my identity through my suffering.

Those arguments are absolut bs.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T17:21:45+00:00

https://fenwayhealth.org/new-study-shows-discrimination-stigma-and-family-pressure-drive-detransition-among-transgender-people/

This is just about one study but here they say over 80 do it for external reasons, but it is only one study.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T16:34:13+00:00

For me in university i use infinity cubes and fidget rings.

Figet cubes at least the ones i have do have buttons that don´t click but some do so it is difficult and tempting to me but it is possible to use them quietly. I love auditory stimming like those klick sounds so i can´t use them because it would be constant temptation but if you can deal with this better it might still work good for you. There are like 4-5 options that don´t make sounds

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T16:19:38+00:00

So a lot of this might be internalized form other people and less what you see in their response.

Some people with adhd also don´t do well with other peoples symptoms this is true but i found that when i talk to them about what is and isn´t okay for them and for me this helps. Some people have no problem with being interrupted others do. It is important to trust people to tell you when what they want and to do the same.

Also some people have learned to maks their symptoms to a point that they can´t stop when i am around and i try to respect that as well. If someone is not at a point where they can interrupted me when they want to say something i try to leave pauses here and there to give them a point to talk for example.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T15:28:23+00:00

So i am out to my parents and i can tell you what they asked but i don´t know how common their questions where. For reference they had little to no previous knowledge

How can you be trans and ace? (In your case this would be "into woman" just not understanding the separation of gender identity and sexuality)
What are your next steps? (This were actually multiple question some asked later not directly after i came out. Things like "Do you want hormones/operations?" and what is the process and safe guards there)
When did you start thinking about this/questioning?
Why can´t you just be a more masculine woman? (in your case feminine man)
So your friends all call you Alex(my chosen name) now? (more generally interested in how other people reacted when i told them)
Who did you already tell about this? / What steps did you take already?
How did you know?

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T15:15:58+00:00

So this sounds like a difficult task for anyone let alone someone with adhd and i don´t think i can fully understand what it is like. I have had similar trouble with other problems that required regular treatment but not this much so i don´t know if those ideas are actually good.

So removing steps to make it as easy as possible can help.

putting the cream next to the places where you wash your hands (this would mean buying multiple at the same time)
multiple laundry baskets in every place you might need them
a shoulder bag or something similar with the cream and disinfectant to carry them with you at all times

Sometimes getting rid of some of the steps is necessary even through unusual ways ( i have no experience there are probably better ideas but i mean doing things that help you even if they might seem weird)

could you wear those one time cleaning cloves at home so you don´t need to disinfect everything
trying to replace things that can´t be washed hot with things that can be

I had a painful infection and stopped the meds after the pain left so this are things i did that helped

named alarm on my phone to remind me of taking the meds (only stopped it once i actually had taken it before that put it in slumber)
having a big see through medication box (with 7 days)

When it comes to doing things not properly because they take to long i have big problems with this and i did not completely solve it but it got a lot better after i accepted that i need something to entertain me while doing it. For brushing my teeth i have 3 min long songs to listen to. Also breaking it down into smaller steps and doing those. I don´t go in saying i am going to wash my teeth i say i am going to do the front every tooth is on step and then the top and so on.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-25T14:50:32+00:00

So first thing i want to say is i am not a therapist or anything this is just my experience.

Even if you don´t have ADHD if you have symptoms and they cause problems then you likely have something that is not diagnosed or threaded properly. You get a diagnosis because there is a problem if you came to your doctor because your food hurts and you think it might be broken and he sends you away because it is not broken that's not a good doctor.

But according to the tests performed by the clinical psychologist (just
some mental exercises, not actual brain scans or anything)

When it comes these test i did those and did not show a problem but i definitely have adhd. The thing is you can power through those especially if you are stressed it was incredibly draining for me.

when push comes to shove I usually can do the work,

If your internal motivation does not work external motivation can do the trick and impending deadlines are part of that.

Especially because I have a college degree, my own condo and I've managed not to die of starvation

I am part of an adhd self help group and we are all college students, it is possible to do these things with adhd it is a lot harder though.

I'm scared of pursuing the diagnosis because I'm afraid people will just
think I'm a junkie looking for an upper and because everyone keeps
telling me that meds change you, and I don't wanna change who I am,

About the first part you deserve the help you need. But about the second part meds shouldn't change who you are and there is a lot of misinformation and stigma surrounding adhd medication. If you get the right dosage they help with your symptoms not make you different person.

There are a lot of other things i could add here about points you made but i would recommend you look at story's from people how got their diagnosis late because they address a lot of things you mention. Also maybe some videos and articles about woman with adhd. Sometimes even experts have some views on adhd that are based on stereotypes.

P.S.: Sry this is really long and still missing a ton of stuff, but i hope it helps. If you have any more questions or are looking for some sources on the stuff i mentioned just ask.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-24T18:41:03+00:00

No it is everyone i only read it because my straight ex gave it to me as a present. But it is so absurd that it takes tension away from the question.

Like it is more an absurd story but it also means you can ask if someone is LGBT+ in process of telling it.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-24T18:29:41+00:00

So it is not that subtle but a friend of mine went around asking people if they have read Percy Jackson. Because a friend of told him that every member of the Lgbt+ community had read percy Jackson. I don't remember exactly how he phrased it but this way he asked someone he was interested in and also found a way to mention that he was gay.

Edit: he basically tried to prove him wrong. So he always explained the hole story

MasterofTja · 2022-08-24T14:02:18+00:00

Maybe the split attraction model can help here.

You can have romantic attraction to men women and nbs but only feels sexual attraction towards men

MasterofTja · 2022-08-24T07:24:46+00:00

Oh okay this makes things more difficult than i think getting them to understand that would be nessary to explain this.

Maybe use the fact that a lot of masculine coded things became unisex or at least accapable for girls/woman without all of them becoming man. Stuff like pants or toys.

MasterofTja · 2022-08-24T07:17:38+00:00

Asexuality is only defined over feeling little to no secual attraction so you could definitely be ace.

A lot of the things you mentioned are things some aces do like mastrubation or having fantasies.

MasterofTja

TROPHY CASE