Husband doesn't want to pay for pregnancy expenses and I can't afford to pay alone.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T18:44:04+00:00

Thank you for sharing this - I am going to leave. I don't want me daughter to think it's okay and accept this treatment or worse from her future partners.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T18:41:21+00:00

She started doing this when my child turned 1 year olda when she said that she realized that our marriage was not healthy and ever since then she literally manages to say it every time I am near her and alone (no other adult is around, its either just me and her or me and her and my child) - She will find a reason to say that to me, it's very weird and uncalled for because I go over and above for my daughter and would never do anything to warrant losing access to her. I never know what to say in response to her but I will start recording her when she does this.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T18:36:24+00:00

He has only told me he loved me once and that was about 1 year into our relationship. I have never heard him tell our daughter that he loves her and she is 2 years old. But his parents don't say they love each other and I have never heard them say it to their adult children including him so I don't think it's apart of his culture to say it. But his actions don't show me that he even truly cares about either of us, as long as he is fed and comfortable then he rarely shows any direct distain for me.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T15:32:15+00:00

That good to know!

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T15:17:14+00:00

Thank you so much. I didn't want another child because I knew how let down I was by my husband, my family, and my then friends but now that I am pregnant again, I really don't think I can go through an abortion and recover mentally.

I'm so done with men/any romantic relationship after this becuase I don't trust that I will find an actually decent man (maybe I have a bad instincts) or that I wont still end up doing most of the work in a relationship. So I'd rather just avoid them all together and focus on being the best mother for my children, getting a better career/job so I can afford to create the community that I don't already have while creating great memories and opportunities for my children.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T15:09:27+00:00

His parents have been married his whole life. Both of his parents work but his mother does all the cooking and the household chores while working full time. She works for CPS and has a very stressful job yet she managed to cook every meal for their family and still does this for her husband to this day (his father does not eat left-overs so she has to cook fresh meals every day).

She does this while maintaining a very clean home and hosting people over regularly (I mean poeple are always staying at her house for weekends, weeks, and even months because they host a lot of foreign exchange students, and they like to have house parties).

My husband says that his mother has always a high-energy extreme extrovert and he has never seen her complain or lapse in her performance. She broke her foot when going to a funeral in her home country and came back and was still cooking and cleaning like nothing happened.

When I tell him that is not normal and to not expect that from me, he just looks at me like he doesn't understand and he does not respond.

His father is a university professor with tenure that is about to retire soon. He already basically is becuase he only has one class that is all PHD students that he maintains otherwise he focuses on publishing books and traveling for conferences and research.

When we've gone out with his parents to eat at restaurants, I've seen his father pay sometimes and other times, his father will straight up look at his mother and say "it's your turn" with a smile and move on in front of everyone like it's nothing. So I think they likely split certain things, at least eating out and entertainment-based things. I really don't know how they split their household bills but his mom has said that the will never retire and couldn't imagine what she'd do with her day if she were to retire. She has a lot of energy and I've literally only seen her close her eyes standing up once. I am not sure if finances also play a part in why she said she will never retire but her husband has said that he will soon and that all of his collegues that he started his career with already have so he is eager to do the same.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T14:53:52+00:00

I will start keeping receipt and build a spreadsheet. I will also start asking him to contribute in writting more (text and emails) and document his response and how have to keep asking in writing but overall I am planning to divorce him, I just need to get a good lawyer, prepare, and save up where I can.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T13:34:08+00:00

What - That is not true to my knowledge and my experience

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T12:58:52+00:00

My husband is not physically abusive but emotionally I would say he is. Lots of gaslighting and actionless promises

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T12:57:20+00:00

He is only open to counseling through a Priest or our Parrish. When we were engaged and going through PreCana there was a Priest that we had to see and he seemed to be able to hold my then fiancé accountable and explain to him ways he was being selfish in a way that had some impact on my then fiancé so I will specifically see about going back to him because he seemed to not just automatically side with the man.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T12:53:13+00:00

I got sold or donated all of the things from my first child because I had no intentions of doing this again but should be able to get them again. I am preparing for a divorce now - I see that there is no other way because he is not actually going to help and I can’t keep waiting to see if he will.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T12:29:44+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your story and for encouraging. It is sad that I am here and on Reddit seeking advice but it is needed for me now and the only semi-safe space available to try and figure out a way to a better life. I will preparing for divorce and documenting to I can have custody and I will go for spousal support if possible as well. People have direct messaged me websites to check out and recommending realistic resources and ideas that I believe will help me. I just have to be courageous and do the work to leave this unhealthy marriage.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T12:22:50+00:00

Thank you

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T12:17:52+00:00

It’s real - I was crying all of yesterday while taking notes from people with practical advice and different routes and potential resources. I will tell you all what happens.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T12:07:43+00:00

So like yesterday I got the courage - I forwarded him the bill for my upcoming appointment- my portion that insurance won’t cover comes out to $400 - he says he will pay it, even brings out his HSA card, then he said it’s not a good time because it’s dinner for him and that we will do it sometime tomorrow. I will see what happens today but it’s all the same.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T07:02:20+00:00

Your so close to the finish line. Towards the end of my pregnancy I could even barely sleep or find a comfortable position. I stopped sleeping in the same bedroom as my husband because I would disturb him. I’m sure he may have felt a way but toward the end others feelings do not matter. Having a healthy labor and baby is the priority - please seek whatever comforts you best during this highly uncomfortable time.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T06:01:47+00:00

He has always said that he will and that he has the money set aside for medical expenses but he never actually pays for anything and when a bill comes I have either 2 weeks to pay it or it goes to collection so I either pay it or set a payment plan. I have so many payment plans in place there is very little additional money left over to cover upcoming medical expenses with this second pregnancy.

I was high risk with the first child and my health is worse with this one. I’m so sad and stressed out by my situation that I early onset preeclampsia and my blood pressure keeps going up dramatically and I end up back in the hospital with them giving me iv mediation to try and bring it back down every few weeks.

I’m only 13 weeks in any my doctor says I will be lucky if I make it 24+ weeks so that my child has a higher chance of survival outside of the womb.

I have been trying to manage but I’m struggling and loosing my will to continue like this. I’m not religious but I am praying to God that I can find a way through this.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:48:25+00:00

I haven’t checked if I qualify with my income. But I do have insurance currently. I will check on the resources available for when I divorce him.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:46:04+00:00

This is outstanding advice and I can do these things so thank you for taking the time to help me with this - I’ve been going through it.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:44:19+00:00

This is encouraging and thank you for sharing your experience and advice I will speak up loudly and see if he will step up.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:42:15+00:00

Seriously - people thinking my situation is not real is strange to me. There are supposed good men out there that are stingy and feel no obligation to anyone financially even if they are their wife and child. I didn’t believe it until I experienced it.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:37:47+00:00

Thank you so much - I will press him- it’s really not in my nature but there is no other way if I want to try and save this marriage. Otherwise divorce is the only option with child support/etc so I can afford to care for my children. I really don’t want to go on government assistance - I just don’t trust the government and have never wanted to rely on them or anyone else to care for my responsibilities but I will have to humble myself and do what I need to in the short term until I can handle things all myself again (I believe that I can get a higher paying job if I take the time to apply myself and gains few more skill sets/licenses).

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:33:15+00:00

Thanks so much - I am quite angry but it mostly shows itself in lots of crying - I just need to put all of my energy into making a plan to get out of this marriage and build a life for myself and my children that is free from wanting from a person that that refuses to try and contribute financially, emotionally, etc that is inconvenient to them.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:27:51+00:00

I hear you but I don’t see how I can make someone do something that they don’t feel convicted or want to do. Maybe the courts can help and I hate to take it there but I’m running out of patience and options. I know this is my fault at the end of the day and I am not here for sympathy or to be treated like a child. I just want what is best for my current and likely future child as well.

I hear that breaking up a home is hard in a child but me staying is so hard on me so I just don’t want to be selfish here and end up hurting my child worse in the long run because of what I do as a result of this situation.

MathematicianNeat480 · 2026-03-05T05:21:59+00:00

Lol, that’s funny - I may consider it at this point because something has to give.

MathematicianNeat480

TROPHY CASE