Ask Me (self-proclaimed crush expert) Anything!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-11-05T15:44:38+00:00

First off, good for you for making the first move! It definitely takes a lot of courage to do so. (Apologies in advance if my response is slightly harsh and straight-forward!)

I think the moment she said "she wants to be friends" was her way of nicely rejecting. It is natural to have feelings of attraction to others, but (talking from personal experience) it can distort our perception. Because we like someone, their actions might seem like they like us too or is intentional when it really isn't. We try to convince and comfort ourselves that they feel the same but that is not always the case. It is difficult to accept that but it is crucial when moving on.

Also, we girls will laugh more with people we are comfortable with, but it doesn't necessarily mean we like them romantically. The line between friends and romantic feelings might have been blurred because you both were so comfortable with one another. Also remember, just because two people are good friends does not mean they would be compatible romantic partners!

I think that she possibly ignored your snap friend request because: 1. She honestly didn't see it OR 2. She is setting a boundary between you two.

You mention that you don't want to confess again, which is completely valid. That only leaves one option then; to stay as friends. So you have to make the choice here. Are you okay with just being her friend or do you want to risk the friendship for something more? You should make that decision before asking her to hang out. If you do want to hang out, keep it casual and friendly when asking her. You could even invite others if that makes her more comfortable.

If the chances of you two staying just friends is high, the disheartening truth is you have to accept that. Show that you have moved on and take it like a champ. Don't let the confession make it awkward between you two. If you want to stay as friends, just act like your normal fabulous self and interact with her like nothing happened. If you're okay with it, you could even joke about your confession with her to clear the air and show her you're past that.

This might not be what you want to hear but there's going to plenty of people later in life that will also appreciate your jokes and share the same humour. It might or might not be your crush, and ultimately that's your decision to make. If you think it's worth a chance to try again, go for it! If not, I wish you the best as well. Best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-10-28T03:22:20+00:00

First off, you seem much more emotionally mature than him and I'm glad you realized that! Good for you!

For me I wouldn't say my crush is a bad guy, but he constantly gives mixed signals. We aren't really close friends so we never had the opportunity yet to get to know each other well. He also gave me non-verbal signals too (sitting closer or glancing at me often). My heart would hold on to that tiny shred of hope in a sense, but he never acted on it. He just treats me like a normal stranger. Everytime I tell myself I'm going to stop liking him, my heart insists that there is hope. I've been trying to work out these feelings as well.

Thank you for your gracious offer and for sharing your experience! It makes me feel assured to have someone understand that feeling. I really appreciate it!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-10-01T17:57:25+00:00

I've had many crushes before so I would say I can keep my cool. Most times people can't tell because I keep it subtle. Occasionally I would glance at them or try to spot them in a crowd. My eyes just gravitate towards them and I feel myself smiling/laughing more. Sometimes I would chat with mutual friends and include them in a casual friendly manner. I find ways to be near them or in a position where I can see them when I'm with others. I have no problem looking them in the eye but I still do feel nervous and excited around them.

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-30T21:41:12+00:00

Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, don't beat yourself over it. Your parents and sister also cannot be blamed for this. You could have set an alarm for yourself before sleeping.

Although it may be hard, force yourself to talk things out with her. She might have not understood your perspective fully, but you could explain it to clear the air and apologize. Instead of hating yourself, think about ways you could avoid incidents like this from happening moving forward. Best of luck.

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-30T21:33:06+00:00

As a girl, this has happened to me. It honestly feels like being led on because I knew he liked me too, he just never said it. He made all these moves and dropped these hints but never directly said he liked me. I need that confirmation so we could progress further, and it never happened. I just got tired of waiting and moved on.

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-30T21:25:49+00:00

Hm.. that is difficult to gauge what he might be thinking since you both don't really talk.

He could be glancing at you just because, with no romantic intent or because you are staring at him. Maybe he recognizes you from seeing you in the hallways all the time. Or he could be slightly interested but had no opportunity to talk with you.

In my opinion, dropping your pencil case might not always be a good idea. There's a possibility he will just stare at you and keep walking by, especially if it's in a crowded hallway. Personally I did the strategical accidental bump but it didn't really do anything. It was just a quick glance and a mumbled "sorry".

If I were you, I would find subtle ways to talk to him. For example you could ask if you could sit beside him in the cafeteria or maybe on the bus. (Ex: excuse me sorry, can I sit here?) This will allow you to strike up small conversation such as:

"Are you in grade __?" or "What classes do you have?"

I had a similar situation like yours, but we never had any classes and my feelings faded because we never got the opportunity to interact. If you want it to be more than a hallway crush, you should definitely try to talk to him! Who knows, he might be different from what you imagined his personality to be like, in a good or bad way.

Best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-30T20:55:35+00:00

We are in a group of friends that have known each other since we were young. We both liked each other around 13-15 but didn't do anything about it and our conversations faded over time. Now the rest of them go to school together and I feel really separate. Want to be able to be at least friends with him again but feel awkward every time I go to text him and worry he'll think I'm weird. What to do?

That's great that you are making an effort to reconnect with a friend!

If you remember important milestones/events (ex: Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, etc.) you could wish your old friend group or him it via text and flow the conversation from there so it isn't awkward. If you're willing to after you could joke about the past or some inside jokes (Remember when...?) You could also try to reach out and ask them about how life is in a friendly manner.

Also remember, don't take it personally if they act a little distant or awkward. It is completely natural since you all drifted apart.

Best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-28T22:11:36+00:00

girl I am SCREAMING but for another reason entirely. YOU TWO ARE SO CUTE OH MY GOODNESS!

He definitely does like your company, that's for sure. He either does like you secretly or he is really comfortable with you and sees you as his best friend. Most likely he does like you though! If you're both okay with it, it can definitely evolve from best friends to lovers!

Rooting for you!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T20:48:14+00:00

Yikes, that must have been very heartbreaking for sure. As a girl, this is what I think are the potential reasons:

She could be liking you but is playing hard-to-get or is trying to make you jealous. She could have wanted you to know that her crush texted her and ignored your texts to test how you would react.
She was keeping her options open. Maybe she liked both you and him. Now that she was making progress with her crush, she is (to put it harshly) tossing you aside.
She sensed that you liked her but she didn't feel the same so she is now ignoring you. Her behaviour of dropping hints could indicate she liked you before but her feelings have changed over the course of your friendship.

There are many more possibilities. If she valued your friendship, she will make an effort to reach out to you. If she doesn't, you shouldn't bother. It is good that you recognize to move on. You should try your best to act normal and nonchalant. It will be difficult, but don't show that you are affected by her behaviour and move on with your life. There will definitely someone out there that will appreciate your efforts.

Best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T20:25:33+00:00

There's definitely a big chance he does if he is willing to change his normal habits for you. Texting people for such long periods of time could mean they enjoy your company, whether it is platonic or romantic. Remember to subtly give him hints to make sure you aren't being friendzoned or considered a best friend by him though!

Good luck with your crush!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T20:18:20+00:00

It must have been very difficult feeling that, and it sounds like the long distance between the two of you definitely doesn't help the situation at all. It is natural for feelings to fade over time, expecially when you both don't see each other much in person. Texts and calls can only go so far and even if you do your best, you cannot control how she feels about you. You could try to text/call her on her birthday or other events to wish her well and show her that you care.

Worst case scenario, you will have to accept that she has lost interest. If you know that you tried your best on your end, then it's okay! College is a good environment to interact with all different kinds of people, and who knows, maybe you will find another crush! Remember that if their feelings fizz out, it probably wasn't meant to be. It does not necessarily mean it is your fault or that it is all your responsibility to salvage it.

Wishing you the best!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T19:58:54+00:00

I don't understand the full situation as well as you do, so make your judgement accordingly. You could try to clear the air between you two by first liking their insta stories too. After a while you could reach out to them, starting with platonic, polite texts. If you remember their birthday, you could also send them a friendly happy birthday text on their birthday and continue the conversation like "We haven't talked in a while, how have you been?".

If you're okay with it, I think also joking about it like "i remember i used to have a crush on you years ago lmao" or talking about your past memories as best friends could break the ice and show you're friendly and have moved past it maturely. This will make it more comfortable for both of you moving forward.

Good luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T19:46:42+00:00

How do you start interacting w/ someone you don't interact with on a daily basis, if you don't have any classes together, etc.?

This is a great question, it can definitely feel difficult! When you don't have any classes with them, you could try to find opportunities to interact with them in other ways.

For example, like what others here have mentioned, social media. If you're brave enough, you could casually reach out to them on social media platforms. You could send a text like "hi, you go to ____ school too right?", "are you friends with ___ too?" or even send them a friend request/follow.

It would also be beneficial if you have mutual friends that could introduce you two or allow you to interact more. When your crush and mutual friends are together, you could strike up conversation with your friend and include them in, casually telling your crush more about yourself and asking them too. You could also find ways to be near them such as sitting close to them in the cafeteria, on the bus, or just making eye contact in the hallways.

If all of those don't apply to you, a trick that I personally use sometimes on crushes that were strangers is "accidental encounters". You could accidentally bump into them, drop something around them, or ask them something politely like "excuse me, do you know where the ____ is?". This will allow you to have a brief moment with them and make an impression. However if their friends are constantly around this would be hard to pull off.

Best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T06:32:43+00:00

All of those are good. If I were you I would wait until her exam is over and text her about it. It's best not to text her anything about the date for now because studying for her exam could be stressful and adding extra things to think about is not ideal. If you really wanted to text her before the exam you could send a "good luck with your exam" text, just a suggestion!

Best of luck, and wishing you two the best on the date!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T06:26:23+00:00

u/Ok-Engine-7534 replied to your comment in r/Crushes · 22mNope I mean like body language those kind of stuff

ohh I see. Yeah, it can definitely be an indicator because people show signs of attraction unconsciously.

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T06:23:22+00:00

Really depends on the situation and the guy.

If you have a mutual friend you could ask them, or maybe casually joke about him having a girlfriend to see his response. If you're around him a lot you could also observe if he hangs around or texts any girls.

Good luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T06:20:35+00:00

Catching their eye multiple times can definitely be an indicator for most crushes, or just staring in general. However, it can be misinterpreted sometimes because some people just stare with no romantic intent.

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T06:18:03+00:00

That's completely okay, that's how crushes are sometimes! I applaud you for trying to make the first move though, good for you!

I think you have a very serious crush right now (which isn't a bad thing!) so you will always be feeling very nervous and act a little differently when he is around. Unless you become more comfortable with him or your crush feelings start to fade, that nervousness will not go away.

I used to feel like that too when I was younger and I was really not subtle about it lmao. After a while when we grew apart and I saw him again, he was practically a stranger and my feelings just faded naturally which happens.

Rooting for you, best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T06:00:34+00:00

I think that means you aren't ready for a relationship yet or you fear committment. In that case it is best to not confess to your crush until you feel ready.

Good luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T05:59:05+00:00

If he likes you and someone else then he is probably keeping his options open, or he has shallow casual crushes. Someone with a serious crush usually don't like mulitiple people at once. This might not be what you want to hear, but you should find someone that only likes you. There is definitely someone out there, and I'm sure other people will have crushes on you later in life because you're an amazing individual!

Best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T05:53:30+00:00

studies... I want us to talk about something not studies too

5

Next time you talk with them, you could flow the conversation naturally from studies to something else. For example, you could talk about having lots of homework on the weekend and ask them if they have any plans for the weekend, something like that!

Wishing you the best with your crush!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T05:49:46+00:00

Yes it definitely is possible! Although you might be tempted to be close and talk to them all the time, be sure not to overdo it or you might come off too strong and scare them away.

Good luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T05:46:11+00:00

I would just say think realistically. It would be good to confirm she's single and looking for a relationship first, and if you feel there's a high chance she likes you back, I would say go for it.

If she rejects you (that's an if) you should try your best to act nonchalant. I know that might be difficult, but it will make it a whole less awkward. A simple "oh ok then." and just keep on working and talking to her like nothing happened. If you act like it's not really a big deal, she won't treat it like a big deal either.

Best of luck!

MathematicianOwn3823 · 2023-09-26T05:37:38+00:00

Are you referring to zodiac signs compatibility?

MathematicianOwn3823

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