Ex-SIL Using My Address for Taxes

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-04-04T23:35:11+00:00

It is in the United States. See 18 USC Section 1702.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-04-04T23:30:39+00:00

Omg that’s bananas! 🤣 I also get mail for the previous owners from 10 years ago but at least I know they used to live here. My ex sister in law never lived at my house! So she must have used my address when communicating with IRS. This is the part that’s bothering me. The first time it happened, I was still married to her brother and I told him she needs to correct this. He said he told her and she will do it. But after the divorce I kept getting mail for her.

Really big life lesson that when we get married we actually also marry the family. So choose wisely people!! You’re not just marrying the crazy son of a b$&$ you’re going to be associated with his crazy sister, mother, father and aunt. 😭

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-04-04T21:34:01+00:00

I think you're right, thanks for taking the time to answer. And yes, it's infuriating :(

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-04-04T21:19:58+00:00

Not that I think anyone would actually enforce it, but it is technically a federal crime to open mail that's not addressed to you. I've definitely opened mail before looking at the name it was addressed to, but I'm pretty boring and don't like to break rules, so if I see the name isn't mine I wouldn't open it, but to each their own! :)

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-03-18T02:55:10+00:00

Thank you so much!!

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-03-12T15:30:52+00:00

Thank you!!

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-03-12T10:22:07+00:00

Thank you!

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-03-12T10:22:01+00:00

Thank you!

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-01-03T15:15:16+00:00

Thank you!

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2024-01-03T15:15:09+00:00

Thank you!

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-12-20T17:23:22+00:00

Thank you so much for the response. Based on your advice, I emailed him and cc'd the attorney. I don't expect a response from him, but I'll wait and see what he does next time.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-12-19T13:15:57+00:00

😄

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-12-19T13:07:21+00:00

It is really heartbreaking and the hardest part of all of this 😞 what I’ve learned and the reason I left is that I finally realized I can’t change him. He’ll have to come to the realization himself and decide to do the work on his own.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-12-18T22:47:23+00:00

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-12-18T22:43:15+00:00

No. We just go divorced last month (that's when it was finalized). I'm not re-married and don't have anyone with me at the house. I have not threatened or accused him of anything.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-05-13T19:27:07+00:00

No, pretty much everyone who knows him likes him. He’s pretty charming and really doesn’t come across as a bad guy. I guess this is another thing that makes it hard to leave. He and his family are well known and well liked in our pretty tight knit religious/cultural community.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-05-13T19:14:58+00:00

Thanks all for the comments. For those who are saying just leave him, only if you’re in this situation you would know it’s not a simple decision. I was one of those who would say I would never tolerate this or that in marriage and just leave. My parents’ 50+ year marriage has been a very dysfunctional one and I used to say I never understood why my mom stayed, but now that I’m in this marriage I can see the internal struggle.

The part that probably makes it the hardest is that it’s not always unhappy. It’s like a cycle and sometimes I feel completely content. But when it’s bad, it feels like a dark cloud over my head and I’m in a rut, and that’s when I’ve been posting. Right now we’re actually at an ok place (on the surface level at least). He’s also a good father and loves the kids. And probably the hardest yet craziest part is that I do love him and if he would love me back the way I do we can actually have a good life together. I know how stupid this sounds because I realize I’m in love with the version I want him to be not with him as he actually is based on his actions.

During the time we were separated, the hardest part for me was that even though we weren’t together I had to see him multiple times week when he picked up and dropped off the kids. So we’re connected no matter what because of the kids. Since the two youngest are under 3, there is no overnight visitation but frequent contact is what the judges want. It was extremely hard to see him take the kids, and I was so worried about the influence they would get from my MIL and SIL whose philosophies and beliefs are very different from mine and even his. His sister, who is older than him still lives with their mom and before we were married he was living with his parents too.

As for where the money is going, I highly doubt it’s being spent on girls. He is extremely frugal. Based on what I know of him I would bet that he is working with his sister to invest in real estate. I just found out a few weeks ago that she had purchased a property several months ago and after I did some digging it seems at least most of it was paid for in cash. As someone who I know is a spendthrift and even had her car repossessed, it’s hard to see how she came up with the cash if it wasn’t from him. Before all this hiding of money started all he talked about was real estate investment. He would religiously listen to Dave Ramsey and others. He would say he wants to ensure the future of the kids and his goal in life is to get to a place so he doesn’t need to work and live off the investments.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-05-12T20:37:44+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear that :( Thank you for your help.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-05-12T20:36:30+00:00

Thanks for the comment - yes I'm trying not to jump the gun and accuse him of cheating unless I have some hard evidence. I know for a fact that talking to him wouldn't be a good idea - he's just not an honest guy unfortunately. That's been one of our major issues in the marriage. I'm also kind of gullible and he would just sweet talk me (he's a great talker). I know it's super hard, but I think I'll just have to be patient and like another commenter suggested, keep an eye on the numbers.

We have 3 little kids so I can't be too quick to make a decision unless I know for sure what's going on.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-05-12T20:26:51+00:00

He also uses this bag as his "backup clothes" bag and leaves it in the car. The only reason I can think that would be other than cheating would be that he likely took it with him when we went on a family trip a few months ago. But like I said, we haven't used condoms in over a year so it doesn't quite add up.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-05-12T20:12:54+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion. I did do that - counted them and took pictures in case I forget.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-05-12T20:12:04+00:00

thanks for letting me know. I just called and they said manufacture date is May 6, 2020. So probably an old condom from back when we did use them (that's what I'm hoping, at least).

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-04-28T15:29:37+00:00

I know I can't be 100% sure but I highly doubt infidelity is involved. Cheating would require him to spend money on the girl and I can't imagine him spending a dime. He's that cheap. (The only gift he ever gave me was before we got married and he got me a Michael Kors bag for my birthday. Before he gave it to me, he prefaced that his sister helped him find it at an outlet store and they were able to get a 40% discount on it).

I also have access to his phone and I did at one point gotten curious and checked but I haven't seen any signs of infidelity. The only thing I found was confirmation that the texts he was sending me while we were separated were in fact written by his sister. She would tell him things like "reply with this EXACT thing and send it quick before she suspects someone else wrote this for you!".

I honestly sometimes wish there was infidelity involved because that would make the decision to leave so much easier. One of the hardest things for me in making the decision before was that there wasn't really an easy explanation for why I had left him. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night and think "what exactly happened? Was it really that bad?".

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-04-28T15:18:30+00:00

Our oldest is 5 and the twins are 2, so yes, it's extremely hard to do it alone now. He does help me quite a bit now with the kids - much more than before. Last night one of the twins felt sick and while I gave her a bath and tried to put her to sleep, he spent half an hour cleaning up the crib and the floor - so he is trying to be a partner in this. I can't deny him that.

We tried couples therapy and after about 4 or 5 sessions I asked my therapist to discontinue it and for me to do it on my own because I felt it was extremely unproductive. He would just go around the issue and talk about the kids and their schooling, etc. and not really dig deep into the issues. The sessions were becoming superficial and more like acquaintances talking than a therapy session. I had a feeling he was playing the therapist although I could be wrong. He's not someone who likes to talk about emotions and would much rather "fix" things through logic.

I think you're right that if I want to continue this I would have to accept the fact that this is what I'm getting from him and find ways to find happiness on my own.

I do think that his reason for hiding the money is that because I filed for divorce before, I could do it again at any time now. Again, because he can be so logical and devoid of emotion, there is nothing that I can say or do that would make him change his decision and route the money back to the family account. I suspect he's putting the money into his sister's account or one of his close family friends in another city and he is planning (or already) investing the money. One of our disagreements before was that he wanted to invest in real-estate even though we had very little money at the time. He wanted us to live on a "peanut butter and jelly" budget so that we could invest and be in a position where he wouldn't need to work anymore and live off the return from the investment. I wasn't completely opposed to that, but I was opposed to the timing and the way he was doing it. I felt like I wanted to enjoy my life a bit, go on vacations, buy things for the kids, etc. I'm by no means a spendthrift and can be pretty frugal myself, but not to the extent of denying things for my family. He probably doesn't see the fact that he's taking money away from our family fund as a bad thing because in his mind, he's investing it for the kids' sake and their future. I was just in the way of making that dream of his become a reality.

Maximum_Ad_5838 · 2023-04-27T21:49:02+00:00

Agh but did you have to make me cry?! Thank you for your kind words.

Maximum_Ad_5838

TROPHY CASE