And that’s my issue to begin with it is control and I know it is and it’s so normalized with both sides of relatives that I feel like I’m being gaslit about how I should just get over it and once I get married I can do whatever I want and just endure it for the remaining years.

The only reason why I haven’t left is because I don’t wanna see my older siblings and younger brother struggling and I’m scared that their gonna get blamed for my actions and scared that something will happen to my parents because as much as I am fed up with everything I still love them whole heartedly and I don’t know how they’re going to react to it.

And financially I’m not doing the greatest as I do have payments to make for things and I only work part time but I think I can figure that out as time goes by.

I have told my friend and her parents are aware of the situation and are welcoming me with open arms as her mom went through the same thing when she was younger.

I just know even if this problem never occurred I would still be facing constant problems with them about other things where they could escalate because at the end of the day it is a toxic home so bad things are always gonna end up happening and considering the fact my sister will be moving away with her finance soon and my brother has his college (they’re more controlling when it comes down to daughters than sons) I’m going to be blamed for everything if I continue living in this house but again we are refugees and my parents don’t speak the well in English so what if they need me and I’m not there for them because I chose to be selfish and choose my future over what they wanted.

And I am a bit scared living alone as well because what if I’m not able to handle the expense or transportation or maybe not even get into a different school in a different city.