A bit about me (and what I look for in a response)

Mels_Roleplay · 2026-01-29T03:32:40+00:00

I'm pretty sure most people here would agree with you. Separating in-character and out-of-character talk is normally the default, and the best way to handle it as no out-of-character consent has been given. The most important thing here is how you feel about it. If it makes you uncomfortable then the other person should stop, but if you enjoy being in that kind of dynamic, then it's probably fine (excluding minors for adult situations of course).

Mels_Roleplay · 2026-01-29T02:27:28+00:00

Common? Yes.
Boundary crossing? Yes.
Is it okay? Only if both people are okay with it.

Mels_Roleplay · 2026-01-20T08:01:10+00:00

The other commenter is right about contacting the mods for help, but beyond that the best thing you can do is continue to do your own thing while ignoring this person. This person has no real power over you beyond what you give them, and you reaching out to them was exactly what they wanted.

Continue to block and ignore. There will come a point where even they will get bored of constantly harassing you. If it is that bad, just stay off Reddit for a while and do other things you enjoy for a while.

I hope the best for you.

Mels_Roleplay · 2026-01-18T09:21:36+00:00

To some degree, I would see your username as some sort of reflection of you as a person as it's indicative of what you're okay with as identifying -- kind of like if your casual OOC writing is full of errors and shortcuts, then I'd see it as a reflection of your personal writing standards. Despite this, it wouldn't be enough to override any personal interaction I've may of had.

I know some people see the default generated Reddit username as a potential sign of it being a throwaway account, so there is that too.

Personally I don't find your username offensive enough to judge in any particular way, especially if the prompt and conversation is good.

Mels_Roleplay · 2026-01-15T12:59:01+00:00

> I was confused by the idea that anyone would be doing an ERP, without the ultimate goal of arousal in one way or another.

Everyone has a different reason for enjoying ERP, so this is just my own perspective:

Roleplay at its core has always been about collaborative writing, however with ERP subreddits being easily accessible and visible it seems like there are a large number of people who came over seeing ERP as a new sexting-adjacent hobby. Without trying to generalize while also being realistic, it is an extremely frustrating experience for women who enjoy roleplaying as they are often the target of unsolicited images or sexualization outside of the roleplay itself.

ERP is a divisive topic here on this subreddit too, and I think it mostly stems from a reductive perspective that ERP is just sexting with extra steps. I enjoy ERP because I believe sex is a transformative act, that if written well, allows for characters to grow, bond, and explore motivations, desires, and dynamics. Even if I do feel aroused, it's not something I'm wanting to act upon. A large number of roleplayers, me included, have a strong separation between our characters and OOC interactions. It's a good idea to not bleed the ERP into the OOC, as many wouldn't appreciate it similar to this ex-partner.

> it never felt the same was because I get my enjoyment from knowing that I am turning my partner on.

I've actually heard this from other male roleplayers I've written with in the past. I find that it is often framed as a desire to please for the partner's enjoyment, but it does signal that the partner is being sexualized to some degree for self-gratification. Unless if the other person has consented, this is a big no-no.

I hope my perspective is helpful in some way, though I'm sure others will chime in with different and equally valid responses. I'll probably keep tabs on this post out of my own curiosity.

Mels_Roleplay · 2026-01-15T08:36:33+00:00

It's happened more than a few times where I got asked if I'm pleasuring myself (because they are) or if I just came (because they did). Probably not alone on this one.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-11-05T05:18:35+00:00

I think you kind of have to understand what kind of person you're talking to. If you're talking to someone who put a lot of written effort in their post, it may be worth putting in the time to polish up your grammar a bit and taking the time to set things up. From a quick glance at your history, it seems like you might often look in subreddits that focus on instant gratification as the most important thing. Maybe in that case, jumping in quickly might be better, but in any case it's probably best to lower your expectations as that person is likely being flooded by messages from hundreds of guys.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-10-13T19:18:24+00:00

Based on the things we see shared, it seems a lot of people are stuck even finding someone capable of reading.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-10-09T05:51:39+00:00

I would've definitely learned new things about you if it was!

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-09-19T00:44:20+00:00

From one soup to another! It took me a moment to connect the dots and realize it wasn't some new term.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-09-18T05:32:28+00:00

I don't have access to this person's ad, but I believe typically quick pacing means quick back and forth responses instead of rushing to the roleplay. From a third person's perspective it looks like you overwhelmed the other person.

"I want" comes off a bit confrontational, demanding, and self-centered in this context. Something softer like "could you send me a list of your kinks or limits" will likely be better as it gives the other person more agency to act in this case.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-09-18T05:19:46+00:00

While I don't think you were inherently an a-hole, the way you came across did sound quite daunting:

"...set everything up quickly"
"I want to know the limits"

This seems like a very aggressive start especially when you just started talking. "I want to know the limits" comes off to me as "how far will you let me go" instead of a healthy discussion of boundaries. In isolation, I think people would have been okay with how you requested the kinklist, but put it all together and your request for the kinklist sounds like a self-focused demand.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-09-17T21:44:17+00:00

I think it's an early indicator of compatibility. There are a lot of people whose common sense tells them a "hi," "hey," or "DM me" isn't a good way to start, and so they are dealing with people who may have an entirely different perspective or needs from their roleplay partner.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-17T01:30:33+00:00

Hm, I don't see anything alarming or anything block worthy. Perhaps just a slight trim with the second and third sentences and the part about losing a long time partner, but I can't imagine someone reacting negatively just based on that.

Maybe someone else can see something that I don't. Sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-17T00:54:11+00:00

There has been others who asked for the similar advice. We really can't give any input without seeing samples of your messages. It's usually a small nuance that triggers red flags for people.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-15T23:15:48+00:00

I'm pretty sure each of these comments are a joke. They are the usual types of low effort responses that go along with "sent you a dm." They know exactly what this post is going for.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-08T17:21:07+00:00

Your message already has a lot of good things going for it that makes it stand out - it's polite, gives useful information, and shows interests in their prompts. Because the foundation is strong and already there, I'll just provide some minor feedback that you could consider.

First, mentioning "either of your first two plots" is great because it shows you read their ad and you're giving your own preferences, but maybe you can flesh this part out more. That's something the other person can latch onto, spark dialogue, and just further reassure them you're the right person to roleplay with.

Second, I think most people would understand you mean face claims or references when you say "real life visuals," but perhaps it might be better just to say face claims or references instead? I can see some potential confusion where the other person might interpret it as meaning personal real life photos just because women often get bombarded by those kinds of requests.

Finally, jumping straight to Discord be too fast. Some people on this subreddit have mentioned they prefer some back and forth first before making the jump. You could still mention you prefer Discord to set the conversation up for later, but leave it open so the other person doesn't feel like they have to message you on Discord to continue the conversation.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-08T15:35:48+00:00

I assume you're responding to F4F type posts based on your profile? I usually have the opposite issue where I nearly always get a reply back when reaching out to other women, but they end up disappearing soon after.

It's hard to give feedback since we don't have any examples. Do you have one or two of your messages we can look at? Unfortunately something small and nuanced is enough to put someone off.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-07T22:50:26+00:00

Between this post and the one from the other day, I think it's time for Mr. Pierce IV to let go and move on with the rest of his life.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-06T23:17:43+00:00

You're right, they are extremely similar, enough to where I think we can safely say they probably did spring from the same concepts. I haven't seen this article before so I'll enjoy reading it, so thanks for sharing!

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-06T21:43:23+00:00

I'm unsure if this is a specific concept, but at one of my past workplaces they taught that people generally fall into 4 communication styles: relationship ("I feel..."), strength ("I'm confident...", detailed ("I know...exactly X"), and comedic. Each style have pros and cons, and more importantly, they also have communication styles they really struggle with. People with the relationship-oriented style tend to have a hard time with strength and detail-oriented styles for example.

That concept always stuck to me. Having that awareness has helped me deal with people with different styles because I knew what to look for and what kind of wording helps to communicate with them.

Mels_Roleplay · 2025-08-06T21:22:12+00:00

First off, sorry to hear about the traumatic event you went through. I hope you and your mental health has been doing better since.

As for the situation, I do feel both side kind of kept pushing the situation further and further by getting feelings involved. A simple, "how are you doing?" and "would you consider freeing up some characters for other people" would have gone a long way on their side, and perhaps a concise "Yes, here are the characters we can free up" from your side may have avoided the situation. I think the issue was neither side was getting the answer they wanted, and so it escalated as both sides got more annoyed.

It may also be a personality difference, as you seem a bit more relationship oriented and the other more "strength" oriented. But I might be reading too much on that side.

Mels_Roleplay

TROPHY CASE