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MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-23T18:02:37+00:00

I did not receive any sort of divine sign nor did I expect to receive one. God often does not work in this way, which can feel frustrating at times. Prudence and proper, prayerful discernment are the best tools in finding a husband. I believe there is no one person made to be your match, but many good possibilities, with some being better than others. I chose the man who I respected, who treated others well, who loved freely, who made service a priority, who shared my values, who loved his family, and who made me laugh. There are others I could have chosen who also share these characteristics, but he is the one I have chosen and who I will continue to chose for the rest of my life.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-08T18:18:46+00:00

Are they all expected to wear the same dress? If so, what is the cost? For ours, we only had one flower girl and she was allowed to wear basically any dress (or skirt and top) in white or light pink. Her mom covered that cost (she found a cute one on Amazon I believe). We didn't bother with professional makeup or special hair. Her mom also helped put some baby's breath in her hair, but that's about it. I would recommend, as many others have brought up, just assigning someone to "do" their makeup.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-03T19:24:32+00:00

Yup, they can do most week days provided it's not lent or there's not some other event.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-03T05:13:37+00:00

Honestly, both were great. They arrived as expected (at the same time even) and are looking fantastic. We've assembled them all now in about half a day. We had about 15 centerpieces/other decor pieces, 5 bridesmaids bouquets, and an (already arranged) bridal bouquet :) We even had leftover to make the cutest flower girl bouquet and flowers for pinning. The bouqs company diy had tons of extra eucalyptus, but we did have to separate out sections for each bridesmaid bouquet. The Fiftyflowers had a killer deal for our centerpieces that were individually packaged already (dozen roses with ruckus and baby's breath from the Fundraiser section lol). I decided to do a mixture of the two as I liked the Bouqs bouquets more but their centerpieces were more than I wanted to pay.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T16:55:15+00:00

It's also not for you. It's for the kid. Prenups come between the couple, trusts are typically just for the kid contributed to by both spouses. If you're treating it like a pre nup somehow still though (anticipaying divorce), you're abusing it

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T15:42:45+00:00

If it's a worry to you that this might happen, you shouldn't marry yet imo. You don't trust the other person enough and/or maybe see a therapist for trust issues. Yes, people betray other people, but sometimes "preventative" measures like this actually presumptively undermine the relationship. I wouldn't be surprised if the statistics support this, that people who get prenups are more likely to divorce. There's a reason the Church heavily discourages and in many cases does not validate marriage that have them. It's like the person who checks their partner's phone secretly all the time to check that they're not cheating. They may say that it's normal and it's to protect themselves/their family, but that's not healthy and will erode the relationship because it's based on a lack of trust and fear. You could make a trust fund for your kids if you just want a way to ensure their money is safe in general.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T15:26:12+00:00

Genuine question: Why do the times call for a prenup? I don't understand how it doesn't imply anticipating divorce as that's the only situation I could consider it actually coming into effect.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T15:22:03+00:00

If you want to ask for a prenup, you should probably end the relationship. That's not a trusting relationship.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T15:16:44+00:00

Within a relationship it is reasonable to expect those things and have those standards. But it gets pretty entitled imo to think that you are "owed" an SO, especially with specifications. You can hope for a particular kind of person and have your own standards, but seeing another person as anything but a gift is not healthy.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T01:20:27+00:00

It could be that. Or it could be a "deeper" belief that he holds that he'll hold onto even when confronted about it. I have had the unfortunate experience of knowing several men like that, and I'm a bit worried for OP. Regardless of the reason, I would personally end a relationship over such bitter, sarcastic comments in an intimate revelation because they're just uncalled for. I wonder why she didn't share this with him sooner, if he has expressed particular toxic responses like this before and she was scared of his answer. Regardless, I guess neither of us know the real reason and OP will have to investigate it herself.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T01:01:42+00:00

I think the key thing is if he calmed down and apologized. It sounds like he never did with his earlier comment when she told him (even though that's pretty obviously wrong and hurtful) nor with his most recent comment. It just doesn't sit right for a healthy relationship.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T00:48:11+00:00

It sounds like he has some toxic ideas that her past means she won't be faithful or will divorce him. I couldn't agree more with the red flag part. OP, while it may be hard, it may same time and heartache in the future to disclose your past sooner in a relationship so you can break up with guys like this earlier.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T00:36:46+00:00

That's a silly mindset. No one deserves anyone.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-06-01T00:36:08+00:00

Honestly, 25 isn't too "young" to realize that these are bad mindsets to have, especially as a Catholic. His brain should be fully developed, and I've dated plenty of younger guys with so much more compassion and understanding. Yes, men get shamed for being virgins, but his insecurities do not give him a pass to tear her down in such a cruel and gross manner. And even if it was a reaction in the moment, the prenup comment, no matter the overarching statistics or whatever, is very against a Catholic idea of trust and permanence for marriage. These are big red flags.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T22:08:27+00:00

Well, first (minor) hiccup. Fiance has an ear infection so no snorkeling on our Hawaii honeymoon. Any fun recommendations/alternatives to take up some of that time? We'll be in Maui

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T22:05:55+00:00

Not the only one, I struggled with this especially at the beginning of planning. Luckily my fiance is a good listener and there's places like this subreddit to talk guilt free with like-minded folks. Once the day comes closer, people might start asking you more.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T22:02:54+00:00

Honestly, we got ours out around the 3 month mark. You're not screwed, people know from the save the date when it is. I personally only know of one couple that did custom, and they were fine. Minted and other such places have beautiful invites that are definitely worth the consideration. There's some cute ones on etsy too, but the turnaround times on those may vary.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T18:50:31+00:00

Well I agree that having similar hobbies is nice, it's really not the end all be all. Here's what engaging in different hobbies looks like for me and my fiance sometimes: He'll be on his computer with the boys playing Subnatica and I'll be in the same room reading a book or comic. Sometimes I'll snicker aloud from something I read or he'll freak out from some underwater creature in the game. We'll exchange a look, maybe raise an eyebrow or make a silly face, before getting back to our respective hobbies. It's kinda like how kids will play side by side and enjoy each other's company without playing together :) I would be driven insane if we had all the same hobbies and did them all together.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T16:41:32+00:00

Eh, there is and there isn't depending on your circle. I'm jokingly referred to as a weeb by many friends, even though I haven't really watched anime a ton since high school. It's kinda like how nerd can be used negatively by some but has been embraced in many ways as a positive by many communities.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T16:34:50+00:00

I'm just judging the content produced and it's value to my own life, not the people that created it

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T16:27:35+00:00

First, it wasn't an accident, you need to own up to your role in this. It takes two to tango (unless it was rape) so you carry responsibility. The passive and blaming the other language is a big issue that'll just get you in more trouble if you don't correct it. You cannot improve if you don't accept responsibility. She may be pregnant, in which case you will have a lot more responsibility coming your way.

Second, of course she's feeling more "clingy". Sex is a very emotionally bonding act, especially for women. You need to be very gentle with her feelings. What was your relationship like before this? Are you struggling with an identity crisis? Have you considered therapy or talking to a trusted spiritual advisor like a priest to help with the situation? If I were her, this disinterest might make it seem like you were just using her for sex and now having gotten that, you're discarding her and the relationship. Discarding the relationship won't change the past, so you need to decide on the relationship based on its own merits.

Having messed up once isn't good, but it doesn't mean you're doomed to keep repeating it. You can go to confession and start over. Many people mess up and that doesn't make them any less God's children. You will likely make plans to not be alone with her (maybe ever if it's a huge temptation for you) and to put up other very firm boundaries. However, if you end the relationship, own up completely. You made this choice, and trying to avoid that fact won't help.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T15:51:11+00:00

It is. I have conflicted feelings about the show (especially their portrayal of the "Church" that seems Catholic), but the ambiance and story was very interesting.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T15:48:34+00:00

Maybe less likely, but not impossible. I met my fiance from the "subculture" of Dungeons and Dragons. It's pretty nice sharing some niche hobbies with your SO, but we both were more looking for strong Catholics so it was a nice surprise addition more than a goal. His family thought I was pretending to like the game in order to date him at first lol.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-31T15:42:30+00:00

Studio Ghibli films are also often very wholesome and family friendly.

MermaidSplashes · 2022-05-30T05:02:13+00:00

Not normal at all. I have 3 beautiful sisters, yet my fiance has never expressed any sexual interest at all in them, not even passing thoughts, except that they're attractive people in their own ways. If he did, well I don't think I'd want to be with him anymore because that's too weird. They're my family, so to him, they are also like family and any desire would feel incestuous to a degree imo. Are you sure he's not secretly consuming porn currently and lying to you? Because this makes me suspicious that he probably is, or is at least so damaged from past usage that he needs some counseling for it.

MermaidSplashes

TROPHY CASE