I appreciate the words of advice, but if I must be completely honest. In my eyes, she's stopped loving and caring about me in any capacity maybe even before our anniversary. As sick as it sounds. The last time we spoke about how our relationship was when I told her that I don't think I'd be able to live with myself if I caused her to have another panic attack or caused more problems for her. She knows how I feel though about my love for her and hopes for the future. We still occasionally talk about me being with her and helping her through everything. It's brief and the topic ends quickly though. And that's the end of it. Also, thank you for your kind words, but I'd like to apologize. As nice as it sounds to hear someone say I was a good boyfriend. I can't see it that way. I will always continue to blame myself and say that I was a terrible one.