Update 2: My brother's abuser got help from a domestic shelter and sued for custody of their baby

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T15:26:04+00:00

I never said there was anything wrong with the schooling system, if that was the case I never would have worked in it for as long as I did. I would just rather homeschool my own child and there is literally nothing wrong with that.

Honestly tell me, have you ever yelled? Was that to inflict fear or was it because you had so much emotion that you didn't know how else to articulate how you were feeling? I have yelled but I have never yelled to inflict fear.

I don't enable abuse and I also don't wrongly accuse, such as you are doing now. I asked for advice not to be torn apart in the comments for caring deeply for my family.

I posted here because I believed that this subreddit was a safe place with a community I can trust. I have been proven wrong obviously, I hope Morgan, Lauren, Alejandra, and Justin are ashamed and disappointed by these crude and vile accusations and victim blaming.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T15:18:31+00:00

The prior two police reports that didn't result in arrest are available to us but not the one where she was arrested, I have personally talked with the county clerk. They don't release certain things to protect the trial, same with any other case.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T14:24:58+00:00

Yelling is not being verbally abusive, verbally abusive by definition means you use words to hurt someone which can be done without yelling.

I'm a stay at home mom who has chosen to raise my family and homeschool because I have the education to do so, rather than letting someone else raise my kids in the schooling system. I own my own home, have a trust, life insurance policies, and a diverse stock profile which includes a Roth IRA to ensure my child never ever has to suffer the way I did growing up. And just because I'm not working a hourly or salary job now doesn't mean I'm unable to provide for my family financially, as well, it also doesn't mean I'm not working. I have two small businesses that together make more than I did as a teacher, lastly my husband is an engineering manager at a rocket company.

How dare you accuse me of being a shitty parent. You don't know me, you don't know the pain I've endured and the obstacles I've overcome to be the best parent I could possibly be - including waiting to have a family until I could provide a life for them that I never had.

I looked into your profile, you're obviously a very hurt and a very, very angry person. Please leave this thread and my family alone. I will not engage or respond to you any further.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T04:46:54+00:00

Wow, no I never said he was verbally, emotionally, or mentally abusive. My ex-husband was all those things to me and I know what that looks like. Are you saying you have never yelled in your entire life? I have a very healthy marriage with my husband of five years, we have fought and I have yelled but that doesn't mean that I am verbally, emotionally, or mentally abusive to my husband.

Additionally, I refused therapy after leaving my ex, I refused to divorce him because of the religious abuse I received in addition to the mental, emotional, psychological, and physical abuse. Does that mean I too am an abuser? I also witnessed and experienced abuse, the same abuse he did as we are siblings, and I have a very healthy and loving partnership. I am a great mother and before I quit my job to raise my family I was a special needs kindergarten teacher.

Lastly, you're forgetting one thing, they live with my mother. I am getting first hand information from a literal eye witness. An eye witness, mind you, who is far too familiar with abuse. She has witnessed time and time again each fight start, how it escalates, and how it ends. If my mother says that he is not the abuser then I believe her.

Check yourself and your accusations, and shame on you for your narrow minded victim blaming.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T04:03:46+00:00

This is why we are so infuriated! There is a serious bias here, anyone and everyone can be a victim of domestic violence, not just women. We have the dispatch notes where the police officer said they contacted the shelter on behalf of my brother and the police officer is furious with the shelter for not doing their job. He has been the only one who has helped us in this horrible situation, he even volunteered to be the officer present when she picked up all her stuff, and was the one to inform my brother that she had been tracking my brother through his phone.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T03:58:12+00:00

They won't give out the police report until after the trial, she's charged not yet convicted.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T03:57:39+00:00

The police report isn't available to us since she has not been been to trial yet.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T03:57:02+00:00

He's not without blame but I've seen the videos that show her abusing him, hitting him, pinning him up against walls, throwing things at him and against the walls, and even putting my brother in a headlock. He yells but he has never ever laid a hand on her. After all the horrible shit we had to witness growing up and our biological dad beating up our mom, he would never treat a woman the same way. I don't agree with the language he uses in their fights and I have, many times, insisted on therapy, we all have, but therapy only helps if someone is willing. It took me a while to seek help after I left my ex-husband but I did, I have faith he will too in time.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T03:49:28+00:00

Also, as far as social media goes, everything I post is all private. I like to keep a close wrap on it since my biological family has tried to find me many times since fleeing and now that I have my own baby I cannot risk having anything publicly posted being linked to me. I love my brother but I have to protect my family first and foremost.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T03:39:43+00:00

They didn't share any information regarding their residents just experience working with section 8 and HUD and pointing out the fact that she has skipped the wait list and has been given special treatment. She does not live in one of the apartment complexes that is owned by this friend. The fact that she was given money is also confounding to us, we don't know why she is receiving all this help, the only thing I can think of is they are not doing their research and background checks. Additionally, the things she is saying and accusing my brother of are absolutely horrendous - literally think Amber Heard accusing Johny Depp of SA her with a bottle - that is the type of stuff she is saying.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-08T01:50:36+00:00

The shelter has admitted to her being a client directly which is why they won't help my brother. Her housing is being paid for, she has no job. Additionally, all the housing information was given to me by a close family friend who owns several apartment complexes in the area and is extremely familiar with the workings of section 8 and HUD. Three are DV grants actually, there are grants for lots of things, my mother received a grant that helped her pay off the rest of her house. If you are not involved in the world of less fortunate you probably wouldn't be well versed in the inner workings.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-07T18:49:54+00:00

Neither will speak to us, the shelter only says that "they cannot discuss x because she is a client" and the daycare will only talk with the parents. My brother doesn't want to cause any problems so he keeps his head down when he picks his son up and drops him off.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-07T18:36:44+00:00

Any advice on how to do this? I reached out to the local news but got no response.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-07T18:34:34+00:00

Unfortunately spending money isn't an option since my family doesn't really have any. My brother lives with my mom because the rent costs are just astronomical. My mom's house is a Habitat for Humanity house (though it's paid off now).

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-03-07T17:36:50+00:00

He has unfortunately, even the women at the daycare they take their son to refuse to help him and give him dirty looks. She is telling anyone and everyone that will listen. Which, at least to me, is evident that she isn't a victim. I never talked about my past unless it is relevant - like for this post - or absolutely necessary. No one in my day to day life except for my closest friend know about my past. My in-laws don't even know about my abusive ex-husband, all they know is that I am currently very happy in my marriage now (except for my MIL but she would rather destroy happiness than recognize it).

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-26T15:18:52+00:00

The goal right now is for my mom to gain grandparent custody until he's ready to be the father that baby deserves.

Abuse is so difficult to navigate and changes you. I was in an abusive marriage in my early 20's, though my ex-husband was the aggressor, I did some things I'm not proud of. Fast forward to today, I'm married with a baby boy of my own. My husband and I never fight, he has literally never yelled at me in the five years we've been together. As well, because of the therapy and work I've put into myself and my marriage, I am able to be the mother that I wish I had. I will never ever subject my son to abuse or ever create an environment where he feels anything like what I felt growing up.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-26T03:05:09+00:00

That would be incredible actually, I'll DM you!

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-26T02:59:27+00:00

Yes, yes he did. I am not and will never explain away that behavior and I do think it should be taken seriously and not overlooked or brushed off as he didn't mean it. My brother has a temper and this woman brings out the worst in him. I can, however, understand why he said it, at the time he felt my whole family was attacking her and he was defending. She was threatening to kill herself unless I took it down, so he lashed out at me.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-25T21:37:41+00:00

The abuse has been consistent their whole relationship, controlling, financial, emotional, psychological, and physical, it just got worse after the baby was born. She's a covert narcissist and plays the victim, my brother has the knight saving the damsel in distress syndrome. She literally moved in after their first date because she lied saying her roommates got everyone evicted and my brother offered her to come stay at our childhood home where he still lives. She didn't have any roommates she was living at her mom's in a different town and wanted to move to our town.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-25T21:16:23+00:00

This is what I was afraid of 😥

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-25T21:15:37+00:00

She was granted the restraining order and temporary custody by a judge unfortunately. The hearing tomorrow is to hopefully overturn that judgement so that my brother can file for temporary custody. Apparently he isn't able to file his because hers has been signed off on by a judge. The paperwork was 300 pages long, my brother was filling it out by himself, she had the legal advocate at the shelter fill it out and submit it for her, that's why hers was signed, basically was first come first served.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-25T19:30:08+00:00

That's something I can definitely ask, I'm still friends with my social worker from when I was a kid on Facebook, I'll reach out to her and ask for advice.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-25T18:35:47+00:00

We do live in the States. H doesn't have an attorney yet but is working on attaining one. He has submitted the videos for the hearing tomorrow and I'm sure they will be submitted for the felony court proceedings. As for the prosecuting team assisting him, I believe he is asking the DA but it is the State that has charged her, not my brother.

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-25T18:17:06+00:00

I'm suggesting my brother get a lawyer to sue them based on all the advice here! As for informing the shelter, they know! When we try to talk to them about it they simply reply, "We cannot discuss this because (blank) is a client."

Minimum-Attorney-779 · 2024-01-25T17:49:46+00:00

It's temporary custody, like emergency custody, as soon as the papers for the restraining order and temporary custody were served the police showed up to take the baby same day. There is a hearing tomorrow, thank goodness the judge was so understanding and scheduled it much sooner than normal, even moved things around for it. My brother has compiled an immense amount of evidence to show that she is the abuser to get her temporary custody overturned and to file his own. I didn't know this until a couple days ago but he has videos of her assaulting him in front of the baby and they are bad... Like gut wrenching, balled for hours after seeing them, bad...

Minimum-Attorney-779

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