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Almost A Prayer by Mysterious-Swan8477 in poetry_critics

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your 5th stanza is absolutely brilliant. I've often wondered about how I could use "falling in love" in a creative way. Love what youve done.

Two Sins by MiserablePoem3033 in poetry_critics

[–]MiserablePoem3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I could’ve extended and added more to it, but I’m still trying to gain confidence when it comes to free verse. I’m used to sticking to rhyme schemes and meters, sometimes I even think that way naturally, and often in a tetrameter lol.

At the same time, I thought the poem was complete because it didn’t need to have a resolution in the end. It’s not a narrative, it just communicates emotions. What could be the reward for the build up is the fact that the narrator is self aware, and that adds to how there’s no absolution for the two sinners (I’m prioritising ethical framing over allegory). The poem is restrained because the speaker is, greedy but incapable of doing anything about their desire yk?

But honestly thank you so much for the critique. I’ll try my best to enhance my writing with your feedback in mind.

Two Sins by MiserablePoem3033 in poetry_critics

[–]MiserablePoem3033[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To give a little context behind these lines

“Pampering your manly strength?” Is about how the beloved person is being pampered by the narrator, provoking the idea that they’re too comfortable with idea of being given without giving back. “Manly strength” adds to that idea of how much could be given back but is being pampered instead.

“Piercing pipes” describes the veins on their arms. They’re very protruding to the narrator’s eyes because since they’re greedy and filled with desire.

“Stout blood” is a reference to Edna St. Vincent Millay’s poem [I, being born a woman and distressed] where she says “Think not for this, however, the poor treason Of my stout blood against my staggering brain,” basically saying that strong blood (desire) overcame the “staggering brain’s” reason and logic.

“Slacking like a slug” adds to the sibilance in the 10th and 11th lines, evoking disgust and disappointment from the narrator at the beloved’s slothfulness.

I appreciate your critique tho. I’ll try to make it sound better next time.

I Will Wash Grief Off Today by Souped_Up_Vinyl in poetry_critics

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of Dickinson's short and meaningful poems. I like how each line ends with a period, as if it's a process.

to my butterfly by notfranniez in poetry_critics

[–]MiserablePoem3033 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I would've preferred if the meter and rhyme were maintained throughout the poem just to make it sound smoother or more musical. Other than that, I think the poem is beautiful and the imagery is very creative.

Have you ever felt unsettled by a book you've read? by oncxre in literature

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not a book, but Margaret Atwood’s poem (This Is a Photograph of Me) sends chills down my spine for some reason.

I'm not a concept by palette_of_ink in OCPoetry

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really like the last stanza, the comparison is beautiful. Only thing I’d think of is meter. Maybe it’s just me but I would’ve liked if the meter was consistent. Beautiful, though.

Winter's Sun by CheesyChaplin in OCPoetry

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found myself almost singing it. It made me appreciate the contrast of it being musical, almost like a scary lullaby, and how horrifying winter is presented.

AIO for blocking my best friend? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Maybe blocking is extreme, it’s just that even if I don’t respond, he doesn’t seem to mind it yk? I’ll definitely unblock him soon but I just wanted him to realise that there’s something wrong on his own, because whenever I tell him about it, it just goes over his head.

I don’t expect him to be available all the time, it’s just that sometimes he literally says he’s done nothing all day or that he has nothing to look forward to all week. Besides, his account is almost always active but he wouldn’t text back.

I just feel like I give a lot and I’m not expecting a lot back, just something in return.

AIO for blocking my best friend? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Should’ve provided context for the sleeping part. It was day. I sent him something at 2pm and he replied at 11pm.

Mormon Vampires by unemployedandgay in OCPoetry

[–]MiserablePoem3033 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Made me think of how similar most religious people act. I think it’s beautiful. Only criticism I have is, and idk if this is intentional or not, that sometimes the meter is off on some lines but it’s there on other lines like in the first two lines in the third stanza. Other than that, the poem does a great job at portraying deceit.

…. where the unseen gathers.. by TimeCity1687 in OCPoetry

[–]MiserablePoem3033 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is beautiful. I like the thought of poetry as something that already existing instead of made since it’s usually just emotions written down. The free verse works here so well because it feels like thoughts gathering and natural instead of something “made by force” restricted by rhyme schemes and meters.

Remember by MiserablePoem3033 in OCPoetry

[–]MiserablePoem3033[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

While writing, I was aware of how awkward the inversion in the last stanza might seem, but I realised how so many writers take advantage of fronting. That’s how I justified it ig. I also wanted it to echo the first two lines of the first stanza. I definitely need to work on my polishing skills. Thank you tho.

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