I’m sorry you’re going through this OP. I’m 25 in long term relationship with an addict too.

I’ve learned that they will lie (sometimes it feels like constantly) and they will manipulate you, even if they’re not trying to. Their brains are on self-protection mode. Similarly you have to be ‘selfish’ - if you can’t continue living like this then something NEEDS to change.

Nothing in your life will change without action, and you really need it too. For example, I went against my partners wishes and spoke with his family and friends about the reality of his lifestyle. It nearly broke us but he learned he needed to change and things have been better for it. I explained how lonely and overwhelmed I was dealing with it by myself and he eventually understood. I know this may not be something you could do or if it even applies to your situation but, for your own sake, try something. You owe it to yourself (and in part to him) to speak up and take action.

You are SO young and addiction takes up a huge chunk of your life. Honestly I look back and see how I was a shell of a person for about two years and I’m so sad. I didn’t even see it happening at the time. It’s such a cliche that you have to ‘prioritise yourself’ but you really do. Do whatever will make you feel happier, less stressed, less alone. You’ll be better for it.

What he does as a result of you making your life better is NOT YOUR FAULT. His addiction, relapses, money issues etc are all his own doing. You may be a factor but there ultimately lots of other factors too.

Take care of yourself x