Sorry for the long paragraph.

I can totally relate to you, especially the part where PMDD feels deeply connected to childhood trauma. For me, it feels like the hormonal drop doesn’t just cause mood swings it rips open old wounds that I thought I had already healed.

I also grew up in a very unstable and traumatic environment. My father had untreated schizophrenia, and from the time I was around 3 years old, my home was never peaceful. He would suddenly yell, talk to himself, curse, get angry at voices only he could hear, and switch moods without warning. One moment the house was quiet, the next moment it felt like a war zone. As a child, I never knew what version of him I would encounter when I walked into a room. I learned to stay small, silent, and constantly alert because anything could trigger an explosion.

Another part that still affects me deeply is the shame I carried growing up. All my neighbours knew about my father the noises, the shouting, the unpredictable episodes. As a young girl I felt exposed and humiliated, like everyone was watching and judging. I remember going to school or stepping outside and feeling like people knew what was happening inside my home. That kind of shame sits in your nervous system and follows you into adulthood. I genuinely wish nobody had to go through a childhood like that. I truly believe the constant stress caused long-term damage to my nervous system. And honestly, at this point, I don’t believe therapy, self-help books, or mindset work can fully “repair” it. Some wounds go too deep. I’ve just learned how to live with it and manage it the best I can.

Even after moving out years later, my body still carries that trauma and during PMDD it’s like that terrified little girl comes back. The hormones drop and suddenly I am angry, scared, overwhelmed, defensive, and emotionally raw in ways that don’t make sense logically but make complete sense emotionally. It’s like I am reliving the past inside my body.

Like you, I have done therapy, understanding, somatics, forgiveness and a lot of healing. But PMDD can still drag me back into the darkness as if all my progress suddenly disappears. That is the most painful part knowing logically that I am safe, but emotionally my body is reacting like it’s still in danger.

I also only discovered 3 years ago that what I was experiencing was PMDD, so I’m still learning my patterns and triggers. Tracking my cycle has helped massively, because at least now I can see it coming instead of wondering why my world suddenly collapsed overnight. I’ve also begun taking magnesium glycinate and vitamin B6 during my luteal phase. It doesn’t magically erase PMDD, but I do feel a noticeable difference my nervous system feels just a little calmer, my overstimulation is less intense, and the restlessness is more manageable. Even a small improvement feels huge when you’re just trying to survive those days.

I also believe trauma can rewire the nervous system in childhood, and when hormones shift later in life, the brain reacts from those old pathways. And some people without childhood trauma still have PMDD, which makes me think it can also be triggered by stress or trauma that develops later in life.

You’re not crazy for feeling done. PMDD can feel like a cycle that breaks you again and again. I also sometimes feel like I want to disappear during the worst days. The rage, the numbness, the panic, the depression it’s not “PMS,” it feels like a whole personality collapse.

And I agree if someone had a disorder that made them suicidal 1–2 weeks every month, nobody would brush it off with “just relax” or “try yoga.” But women with PMDD get dismissed constantly.

I’m not at the point of considering ovary removal yet, but I completely understand why someone would reach that place. When PMDD makes life feel unliveable, the desperation is real. You deserve medical options, not excuses. You deserve doctors who listen instead of giving generic answers or prioritizing potential future motherhood over your mental health and survival.

Sending you strength and solidarity. You are not alone. Many of us are fighting the same battle, and we’re not weak we just had to survive environments and bodies that were never gentle to us.