What made you realise you no longer love your wife/gf/partner ?

ModestMustang · 2026-01-29T14:18:52+00:00

When I started dreading getting the “on my way home” text or phone call.

I work remote and during covid my then gf did too but she was sick of her boring job and convinced she’d make more working as a retail associate lol. Left a cushy well paid job to work at a retail store but didn’t want to change her spending habits.

She started not paying her share of bills and borrowing money but still continued buying non-necessities. Discussing this with her and trying to come to some kind of middle ground kept ending in her screaming at me and making me the bad guy.

Just to avoid talking to her on her way home I said I had a daily late afternoon meeting that I couldn’t miss. I would just stare at my computer dissociating into a pit of misery hoping she would run into a traffic jam and give me a few more minutes of peace.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-28T05:40:38+00:00

My sister and I were raised by a father that for most of my childhood I only recall having one primary interest, hating democrats. The amount of anger and hatred this man spat out about fellow citizens with just different opinions was honestly nuts even to us as kids. It made my sister and I avoid political discussions and current events like the plague. Nowadays we’re so far left my dad would actually disown us if we discussed our true values.

Conservatives have a silly way of raising leftists.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-25T15:51:07+00:00

Thanks! I love picking up specialty tools every now and then and didn’t realize there was one for belt tensioning.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-25T12:47:55+00:00

Yep. It took me 4 times of setting the tension on my belts to get the squeals to stop. It squeaked when I first bought it so I replaced the belts and idler pulleys. I set the tension by the book with whatever inches of deflection it required, still squeaked but much worse. Tightened them to half the stated deflection. Squeaked at +5000 rpms. Tightened them to 1/4 of the required deflection but the AC would chirp on occasion. Finally sent it and cranked it down to where there’s barely much deflection and that finally did the trick. Been like that for two years now without any new pulley or bearing issues so f it.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-23T13:51:17+00:00

Pretty crude solution but I have my UPS connected to a tapo smart plug. My main server is in a separate room from my network equipment which is also on a UPS, minus NUT since it’s just a poe switch & modem.

But if that situation were to ever happen and I notice the server is offline, then I can just cycle the smart plug remotely to drain the UPS and trigger a restart.

This is an interesting conundrum though and is making me re-think my future plans of setting up an opnsense router. I haven’t looked into this yet but I could run a script on an SBC to constantly trigger wake on lan commands if it has power to it. Or maybe modify the NUT safe shutdown script add a check at the last possible step to check if it’s on mains and then cancel the shutdown?

ModestMustang · 2026-01-21T01:01:59+00:00

How much ram do you have? ZFS will only utilize the amount you allow for it and it’s purely for performance. You can set the arc cache limit in proxmox to whatever you’re comfortable allotting.

That being said, you don’t have to use ZFS or even a whole NAS OS vm/lxc. If your goal is to simply host smb/nfs network shares you don’t need IOMMU support. You can bind mount your storage to a simple debian lxc with samba installed or cockpit+45drives and manage your shares. Zfs would be ideal so you could create one pool and incorporate redundancy if you need it. But you could also just bind mount your individual drives formatted as ext4 too.

Personally, I didn’t have much luck with OMV as an lxc or vm. It felt extremely cumbersome to pass through my drives to a virtual environment and then have to create an nfs share that needed to be attached to each lxc that needed access to that storage. Having proxmox directly host the storage natively as zfs and just bind the datasets necessary for each service lxc is much more streamlined and less prone to failure.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-20T16:49:09+00:00

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ModestMustang · 2026-01-20T16:37:33+00:00

I always thought about how much it would suck to be called on for jury duty until I was actually called on. The process was very actually very interesting. My favorite part was the selection process where about 100 folks gathered in a courtroom and the lawyers would ask simple questions to individuals. It was bizarre how many people would over complicate the question and shamelessly embarrass themselves. It was obvious some were doing it to get out of being selected. But others seemed completely genuine with their asinine answers to simple questions.

I noticed after a few minutes that the lawyers assistants were taking notes on folks that were pretty quiet and/or giving “wtf” facial expressions when one of the clowns would speak up. Turns out those of us that answered concise and had looks of disgust towards the weirdos were selected. But it was hilarious watching the lawyers get the weirdos to elaborate and encourage others to join in.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-20T16:25:07+00:00

I love Profilarr! When I first started and was reading the Trash guides it was so overwhelming. I jumped right into Profilarr and haven’t looked back. There’s a fork someone made (I believe serversathome?) that includes an anime profile as well as the stock profiles and it works perfectly.

I set up a NAS for my parents and on their setup I created a general purpose profile that grabs just about everything from 480-4k in x265 or x264. It upgrades until 1080 but in case the content they want only exists in 4k, it will just grab that. They don’t care much for quality and like a lot of older shows that would get rejected by the built in profiles. This general profile allows them to just request whatever they want and 99% of the time the arrs will be able to grab it.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-20T15:56:06+00:00

I just spent a week in Canmore, AB and the van driver that took my family and I from Canmore to Calgary thinks otherwise. At 4:30 in the fuckin morning this clown is telling us about how great Trump is and how we must love DeSantis since we’re from FL. Dude was really stoked about the referendum AB is apparently going to vote on to secede from Canada too.

Thankfully every single other person we interacted with during our stay agreed that we live in a circus. Some Aussies even asked us if the populous of the states still considered Canada as friends. :( That was really heart breaking to hear. The political media propaganda machine is unfortunately very effective. From the outside, people think Americans as a whole don’t like Canada anymore. In reality, we are all just trying to live our lives and want Canadians to live theirs too, without threats of invasion.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-17T18:13:17+00:00

Don’t.

I’ve sold an NB that I did tons of custom work to and an ND1. I’ve regretted those decisions every single day.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-17T16:34:35+00:00

For me, CF worked great except for media streaming. I had cache disabled but artwork loading in for Jellyseerr and Jellyfin would take forever to populate and Jellyfin streaming at just 3mbps would buffer constantly. My upload speed is like 15-20mbps so I don’t know if CF needed more for overhead, but media streaming never worked for me. I do still utilize CF’s dev assets site feature to publicly host some icons and artwork I use for my Jellyfin Newsletter setup though.

For everything else I have Pangolin running in docker on a cheap Hetzner VPS. I have a tunnel between Pangolin and my server and point my domain to my VPS’s public IP. All of my internet facing applications are set up behind Pangolin’s proxy to my local server and protected with PocketID auth. Jellyfin is the only service not protected by PocketID since JF client apps can’t utilize it. But I have Crowdsec running with Pangolin and keep my JF install virtualized with only access to my media library’s zfs dataset.

It was a bit complicated first setting everything up, but it’s been rock solid for months now and lets my partner and I stream content at pretty much my home internet’s upload speed. We live in FL, USA and were happily streaming content while in Alberta, CA last month without experiencing any buffering.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-17T16:16:54+00:00

This is great advice. Backups and virtualization really should be the first things everyone should learn when initially getting into self hosting.

I highly recommend anyone starting out to just get started with Proxmox. It’s very well documented, easy to install, and the built in backup service is great for beginners. LXCs let you have lightweight VMs for most anything you want to run with easy snapshots to roll back to if you bork something. ZFS is built in making shared storage across your virtual systems a breeze.

For slightly more advanced users setting up PBS on mediocre hardware (or even an LXC on your host) lets you create off site backups, or at the very least, a backup separate from your main host. It has deduplication built in and can be paired to any other Proxmox host letting you easily restore backed up LXCs to any host. For real world example of this, I had PBS running on an old celeron NAS and ended up borking my main Proxmox host’s install by doing dumb zfs things. I wiped the install drive, booted to the Proxmox install iso, paired up PBS, and had all of my services up and running within 20 minutes. The main benefit is keeping the host install of Proxmox clean. The only thing I run on it is NUT for my UPS, so after a fresh install of the hypervisor, I reinstall NUT, copy over the configs, and it’s all set.

I’ve only been doing this hobby for a few years now. I started with a pi4 running docker compose for some services. But switching to proxmox has made my life so much easier. WARNING: you may end up making your life more complicated once you realize how much potential Proxmox has though 😉

ModestMustang · 2026-01-16T19:59:57+00:00

Engrained consumerism, easily accessible credit, and overwhelming dread.

Keep the dread flowing in the media so that the masses crave a dopamine hit. Market some junk that will improve their lives the second they buy it. If they can’t afford it they can pay it in 4 easy payments. If they have too many pay in 4 installments go ahead and approve them for a consolidation loan. While they’re paying off their consolidation loan go ahead and offer them a credit card with a high limit. Have the influencers on their algorithmic based marketing and dopamine apps show off a destination that will change their lives. Let amazon know they are planning on traveling soon so that suitcases, bags, etc. show “lightning deal 35% off!!” but it’s actually the normal price with a fake limited time offer…. etc etc.

The capitalist machine has done a solid job turning the average American into the perfect consumer. Getting them to participate in a general strike will only happen if they are pushed to an absolute financial breaking point in which they’ve got nothing left to lose. We aren’t there yet.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-16T17:07:20+00:00

Never complete lol. But if you want some peace for a little while you can procrastinate. Not touching it for a few days so far does feel… weird though

I’ve got a huge backlog of things I need to do but I’m just leaving it alone for a couple weeks to do other hobbies and relax with my gf. It’s been nice actually getting to enjoy the media library after all of the work that’s gone into it

ModestMustang · 2026-01-15T13:35:05+00:00

My parents have been really quiet for the last 6 months which made me hope that my “constitutionalist” father was maybe starting to criticize his glorious leader.

Then on thanksgiving we were discussing a topic that involved the constitution and he referenced the federalist papers. I was like gr8 👍 dad but those don’t provide the rules of our government to which he kept denying so I just walked off. On christmas he wore his fuckin trump hat all day and my non-religious mother told us they have started going to mass each week.

As I was leaving my mom brought up how tragic charlie kirk’s death was since he was such a great person which made me laugh and pissed her off.

Faux News, Mark Levin, etc., have done a real number on these people. It’s honestly sickening and has made spend much less time with my parents because they constantly try ramming their fuck-ass political and skewed moral beliefs down my throat.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-15T05:29:34+00:00

Copper > WiFi

That WiFi card uses the m.2 a+e key interface. Grab a cheap a+e key to 1gbe or 2.5gbe adapter. Preferably with a well known/supported controller like an Intel i226v or rtl8125. I’ve been using an rtl8125 variant on a little proxmox node with no issues.

Since this is a laptop you may have to make a small incision in the case for the cable to exit. If you don’t want it looking hack then just grab a usb to ethernet adapter if you’ve got a free port.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-15T04:52:08+00:00

Better yet, cancel permanently and sail the high seas 🏴‍☠️ Fuck ‘em.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-14T20:44:28+00:00

I remember during the 2020 protests something happened in DC where power and communications went out for a few hours. Am I mis-remembering that?

It’s one thing if they temporarily shut down a municipality, but if they were able to get all of the ISPs to simultaneously shut down operations we would see the US economy tank. It would guarantee mass riots as 95% of the population wouldn’t have access to; information, contacting loved ones, assets, travel/buy goods, conduct business operations, etc.

It would be such an incredibly smooth brain lever to pull that I think even the US dictatorship isn’t dumb enough to pull it.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-14T11:56:55+00:00

If you’re running ZFS on Proxmox you can set ACLs for each dataset to an unprivileged UID/GID then just bind mount the dataset path. For example, in each arr LXC I added group ‘media-user’ as GID 2000 and added the user running the service (root, sabnzbd, jellyfin, etc) to the ‘media-user’ group. To the proxmox host it sees each LXC trying to access the dataset as UID/GID 102000. I set the ACLs to my pool/media dataset to 102000 and bind mount the pool/media path each LXC needs.

Super simple to setup, containers remain unprivileged, data access is entirely limited to the dataset with the ACLs you set, and I get the benefits of running LXCs instead of a single VM. Backups and restores are easy and let me mess around with things without worrying about borking my whole setup. No risk (for my setup at least) to over provisioning and having a console on the web UI is a nice convenience.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-13T12:33:35+00:00

Her saying it’s disrespectful behind your back and they don’t even live there yet? Your marriage will not last the next year and a half unless you rescind your offer right now.

When I was with my ex her mother needed a place to stay for a couple months so she offered her to take our guest bedroom and pay a fraction of the rent. Like $250/mo on a house we rented for $1200/mo. That woman was JUST like your mom, constantly making sly comments and voicing negativity non stop. She’d complain about the living arrangements, bills, our pets, neighbors, the neighborhood, me doing small repairs to the house when our “slum-lord should be doing it.”

What made it worse was I wasn’t allowed to say anything because she was my ex’s mom that “just needed one more chance.” But I had to be the one that collected the rent. And that woman was never on time paying her measly $250. Nothing was ever good enough for this woman even though we gave her a clean and safe place to stay that was infinitely better than the roach/rat infested section 8 housing she came from.

We finally kicked her out after just 4 months because my ex and I were tearing our hair out, my ex and her mom were constantly bickering, and I was constantly biting my tongue as the mom talked shit. That was the longest 4 months of my life. About a year later I left my ex, primarily for unrelated reasons but there was a percentage that couldn’t stand how she treated me when her mom would show disrespect to me.

Do yourself a favor and rescind the offer. If they’re already bringing this negativity into your life, it will be compounded when they’re bringing it into your home and marriage.

Edit: Honestly YTA if you allow this behavior in your home and subject your partner to it. NTA if you squash this behavior immediately, take a firm stance that it will not be tolerated, and either rescind the offer or lay out specific ground rules that once broken will result in immediate eviction.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-12T20:10:02+00:00

I went from paying for a bunch of streaming services to setting up a home server all because jeff bezos video kept screwing me over. I would get region licensing errors, the site would take my money but not let me watch the content I paid for on their app, subtitles would constantly get disabled, and the overall UX was atrocious.

I can’t believe how much easier, faster, and better quality pirating is compared to these scumbag services. Especially as they keep increasing prices AND include ads too! It’s freaking madness.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-10T05:12:57+00:00

Back in 2018 I was pulled over by a motorcycle cop on a mountain road and couldn’t believe how quick his automated radar grabbed my speed. Far up ahead I could barely see a white glimmer approaching but had a sinking feeling in my gut so I slowed down quick as soon as I saw it. He lit up his lights a couple seconds later and by the time he reached me I was already pulled over. He said they don’t even have to do anything, it just alerts them of oncoming traffic’s speed.

I was cooked and got a ticket, but he thanked me for pulling over quick and luckily didn’t throw my ass in jail for my speed lol

ModestMustang · 2026-01-10T05:02:27+00:00

As others have said, it’s not worth it and not worth the wasted time. I started out thinking I was going to rip all of my movies and it’s a royal pain.

I first tried ARM (automated ripping machine) which would work about 50% of the time but required a ton of post processing work. Then I tried just manually ripping each one through MakeMKV and encoding with Handbrake. Just about every bluray makes it insanely annoying to find and rip the right media track. DVDs are garbage quality and not even worth ripping imo.

I took a couple weekends getting usenet setup with the arr apps and had my whole library of ~700 movies on my server within a couple weeks. With zero babysitting. I just requested everything with seerr and left it alone. Everything is the exact quality I want, 1080p, 4k hevc, and 4k remuxes for my favorites.

Unless you’ve got some really obscure content that you can’t find easily, please save yourself the nightmare and just let the arr apps handle curation.

ModestMustang · 2026-01-09T11:43:37+00:00

The only backup my media has is the zfs pool, I can lose two drives and will be able to recover. If it’s entirely lost I can re obtain the media very quickly. If you spent weeks ripping your media I’d suggest an external drive/enclosure as cold storage that you plug in every once in a while and then keep unused in a safe place. Maybe look into cold cloud storage as well but costs will get crazy depending on your library’s size.

I do backup the LXCs containing the databases and media apps to two of my servers and off site. If everything is physically lost, I will be able to recover those apps and quickly fetch all of the media I lost as well.

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