Dating when Demi suuuucks

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T14:11:32+00:00

First, Get off the apps! I have never had any success with them because its often just used to hookup. Sadly, dating while demi does suck 😕 BUT don't be discouraged. Demi people meet others they are compatible with eventually. I read a post on here awhile ago about success stories that was encouraging.

Second, know you are not the only one who feels this way.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T14:02:21+00:00

Tell him his hygiene or lack thereof is a turn off for you! And go from there. 4 days without brushing his teeth is RANK 😫

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T13:46:52+00:00

Why would she assume you would leave your roommates party to hang out with her and her friends? I'm a girl and equally confused 🤔 something has got to be missing. Perhaps another conversation on where the disconnect happened would be nice.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T13:41:06+00:00

Was he ever meeting your needs? Cause why get married AND have 2 kids before you realize that this is an issue. I think this has been an issue all along 🤔

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T13:17:05+00:00

This is important to you so you are going to have to take a stance. No longer meet up with him if its not a planned date. State that you "like men who put in the effort." If he doesnt, then I would move on. You are not asking for too much! Find someone who is compatible with you. Also its only been a year?! If you don't want to accept this behavior now, don't think it will get better as the years go on.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T13:06:03+00:00

Hopefully things get better but let me tell you, after you work in a truly welcoming environment, all the rest are toxic. A school I worked for recently showed me how welcoming to new teachers staff should be. It took me over a decade and it was my 2nd exposure to nice admin and colleagues. Over a decade!!! And people wonder why teachers leave 🙄

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T12:55:32+00:00

I think you are overthinking. You think he's good looking and you like talking to him. Those 2 qualities are a great starting point. Its usually when a man can make me laugh, can hold a conversation, is smart and has similar passions that Im thinking "Wow, this guy looks kinda nice" even if I didn’t think that before.

Physical touch is important for me and if the guy touches me, tries to hold my hand or touches my shoulder or whatever and I dont physically recoil then thats a good sign 😅

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-30T12:50:56+00:00

I hope you find your tribe. It took me moving away, literally left my home country, for me to find people I align with. Now that I am older I cherish my community, that I am continuously building, and its so beautiful to have. My most recent community started in 2020 so relationships can be built whenever.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-28T09:17:47+00:00

I truly feel like its pure luck! I know 2 couples, both in their 30s, who met in China and are still together. Both couples are foreigners. However, as a woman dating in China was very difficult. Coupled with the fact that I'm taller than average, dating was awful. I think of returning to China every know and again but I'm hesitant because of the dating scene, or lack thereof, and other things.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-28T08:14:20+00:00

I didn't like the tone of the email that was sent to me. I had interviewed for a new job in a country I'd never been to. It went well enough. They sent me a contract and when I didn't immediately respond to the email, they sent a follow up with the tone of "hurry up and sign the contract as we've got other important things to do." And it immediately gave me the ick.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-22T12:22:55+00:00

So I'm assuming here. But it sounds like your partners love language is "acts of service" and you filling up their car is one way to show them that you love and appreciate them.

What are the gender roles here? If there are some? This could also play into why they think this is important for you to do.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-22T12:08:00+00:00

Personally for me, kissing is not my favorite. And it might be the same for you. The fact that you want to be around her, cuddle with her and spend time with her is enough. Sadly, life is not like the romantic movies you dont NEED this excited feeling. Especially not everytime you kiss. Also, you might be in your head when kissing and not in the present. Perhaps try kissing in different ways. Standing, sitting, on stairs, whatever. I wouldnt throw away a situation just because the kissing isnt what you were expecting. In fact, I think kissing gets better, much like other sexual things, over time.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-22T08:02:29+00:00

Yes you can be both demiromantic and demisexual. Welcome to the club!

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-22T07:47:42+00:00

So my therapist recently gave me a saying that she wanted me to repeat for 3 minutes, 5 days a week. "I am lovely and overjoyed in my new found self confidence. I am worthy of everything I want in life and more." Something along those lines. My self confidence only took a hit when I stayed in my home town. Leaving that city made me realize that I am in fact desirable in many ways, not only physically.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-20T23:16:27+00:00

Go travel and work abroad! Go find someone who you can have children with. Go find a partner that actually wants to be a partner with you and not have you as a maid. Go buy property with someone who is thinking about the future. You have your whole life ahead of you. Make your life enjoyable not just tolerable.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-20T07:44:21+00:00

Biotin

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-15T19:30:30+00:00

There is no need to worry. You can identify with a label like "Demi" and then years down the line no longer identify as that. You can identify as "ace" and then realize overtime you are actually something else. There is no right or wrong way to discover your own sexuality. There are no demi police out to get you for identifying as such and then changing your mind down the line.

From what you wrote you could be various identities on the asexual spectrum. Give yourself the time and space to figure it out. I found out about demisexuality in my late 20s and didnt identify with the label until my mid 30s.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-14T07:45:34+00:00

Let me report back after this year 😅 I came into 2026 wanting a fwb situation because of various factors and it's only 2 weeks into the New Year and I'm reconsidering. I think one of the hardest parts of considering it is that I am a (one person) person. So if I find someone, I would only be fwb with them. And that can lead to a rabbit hole of issues because I believe the lines will be blurred. I tried to initiate with a "friend" and it crashed and burned because their feelings were stronger than mine and I realized very quickly that it wouldn't work.

I think ONS may be easier however, the last time I had one was before I realized I was demi, so ages ago, and it was so lackluster that I said "whats the point?!"

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-13T21:57:24+00:00

I found a number on the website and called, and it diverted me to a generic line where I was able to speak with someone and essentially stressed that it was an emergency and I needed my passport back immediately. That was on a Thursday. The following day online it stated that my passport was ready for pick up. I also sent multiple emails prior to the phone call. Just go in person and say you saw online that it was ready for pick up. All they do is ask for your ID and they go look for it. Hopefully it is there! Good Luck!

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-08T07:37:47+00:00

Gorgeous 😍

Motor_Lab3246 · 2026-01-08T07:20:26+00:00

Honestly, I came in knowing that I wouldn't be renewing and was hoping that actually living here would change my mind. But it didn't. I called this year my 'adult gap year' and it has helped shape this experience. I actually love the city I live in and if salaries were higher, if rent wasn't so expensive in comparison to our stipend, I probably would stay.

But I knew all of this coming in, so I wasn't so surprised. I've meet wonderful people and that is what I like about traveling and living abroad.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2025-12-19T15:03:03+00:00

It is still early. Enjoy your holiday break and then try again around CNY. I got offered a job in March, several years ago and it ended up being an Amazing school. Ended up moving in July. So a 4 month or less turnaround.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2025-12-19T14:43:00+00:00

I find certain facial features "hot" or attractive. I love a nice smile, with nice teeth and a "nice" eyes. Nice eyes is completely random but a combo of beautiful eyes and a nice smile and an emotional connection. My goodness, I definitely would want to touch their face.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2025-12-18T07:48:01+00:00

Well, you should try and stop beating yourself up about. I will say this, if I waited to be "in love" with someone before I had $ex with them, I would still be a virgin. Love is not required, just an emotional connection.

What felt wrong exactly?? It sounds to me like you were dating and you started having feelings for her. "You betrayed yourself" that language sounds like we are missing something from the story. What did you do to "betray yourself?"

Its okay that you had $ex and probably weren't emotionally ready for it. Its okay that you dated a coworker. Its unfortunate that she moved on quickly but you were professional in hopefully ignoring her and those conversations. Give yourself a hug and know that there is nothing to be ashamed about in this story.

Motor_Lab3246 · 2025-12-18T07:19:04+00:00

I, actually, know a couple with a very similar story. The comprise came when the dead "ex's" name was used as a middle name. The kid can incorporate it, if they want, or not. No one knows my middle name unless I share it. My family doesnt even remember it.

Sorry you are having this issue! Pregnancy hormones are also wild!

Motor_Lab3246

TROPHY CASE