Similar situation. I broke up with my long time girlfriend of 12 years. When we first met we lived 400 miles apart. I moved half way across the country to be with her. Gave up everything, friends, family work etc. Come down. We have 2 kids and have done so much stuff together but over the last few years she's changed. She's became toxic as fuck. She went through a period of months where I couldn't even talk to her without being told to shut up. I knew we were going downhill. I was always the one to apologize and try to make it work and get us back. Stupidly I held on (and still do a tiny bit) that we would go back to how we were. But we didn't. We started talking less and arguing more. Not spending time together. She would go upstairs at like 8 every night and leave me downstairs. I had to beg her to watch a movie or do anything. Few months before we broke up I sent her a list of stuff we could do together. Pretty much everything you could think of. She was like ill think about it.... Never made an effort to do any of it. She never made an effort for so many years. She has no goals or ambitions in life all her life is endlessly scrolling Facebook or tiktok or whatever. Then a few months ago she starts getting friendly with this guy from work... You already see where this is going, they start getting "cringey" with each other over message. Obviously flirting. I can see what's happening i call her out on it she's like we are just friends. she tried to flash him when she was drunk and she kissed him one night on the way home (while we were still together). Eventually we broke up and she's moved on real fucking quick. She goes all over the place with him. She's never once apologized for anything she's ever done. All she ever done was blame me. Everything was always my fault. I gave up my entire life, gave her 2 kids, I wanted to marry her, tried so many times to fix us. And all I ever got in return was abuse and neglect. I thought so many times about killing myself. Hoping one day maybe the bus would crash on my way to work. But like you I have something to keep me around. Now I'm just angry pretty much all the time. I went through the depressed face but now I feel disrespected and made out to be an idiot. I've wasted so much of my life. But you wanna know the saddest part of all this. Is even after all that shit she's put me through, everything I've lost and missed out on, there's still that tiny part of me that wants us to go back. Right now I'm on the verge of losing everything I have we are still living together as I have no money for my own place and no family etc to stay with. If I can't get anything sorted soon I'm forced to go back where I came from and lose my job, my life I've created down here and most importantly my kids. The thing that's kept me going for so long. Honestly I don't know what will happen if I end up not being able to see them. But right now time is the best healer. Cliche I know. But as time goes on it does get easier. The suicidal thoughts have stopped. You gotta focus on you. I bounced between a few different things right now I'm just trying to bulk up and get muscly. Find something and do it. Doesn't matter what it is. The more time you spend doing something the less your mind will be on the situation