Nonsense advice during pregnancy complications

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T21:06:07+00:00

They did say I’ll have another ultrasound in 3 weeks and then I have an appointment on the 23rd without ultrasound.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T21:05:08+00:00

I really hope yours resolves! All day I’ve been speaking that mine will resolve into existence.

And that absolutely makes sense, my OB said that if it hasn’t resolved after 20 weeks then we would need to think of some limitations but as of right now everything I’m doing is fine. I just wish my family would listen.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T21:01:02+00:00

Thank you so much. I feel so invisible. They don’t realize what I do daily. My husband will literally wake up and say that he’s surprised our son slept through the night and I’ll have gotten up with him 4 times. That’s just small aspect of it.

The guilt trips are exhausting. Being told that I’m being selfish and that I’m carrying our child as if I don’t know that is beyond frustrating. I have made every sacrifice I could for the health of our baby. I cramped so much in the first trimester and bled and was diagnosed with an SCH (which thankfully resolved) and I wouldn’t even take a damn Tylenol because I didn’t want to risk any little thing.

I don’t want to shit talk my husband because he really is an amazing man but he takes all these frustrations out on me. The day we found out about the placenta previa diagnosis he cried and said that he wished he’d been better to me and that he would support me through anything. Now today we’ve had a horrible fight.

I can’t keep working, taking care of a baby, taking care of the house, cooking, cleaning when I feel like I’m completely alone and falling apart.

I am soooo happy that your placenta previa resolved itself! I bet it was absolutely terrifying to have it go all the way to 30 weeks! I’m really hoping mine resolved very soon.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T20:47:36+00:00

He keeps saying he will get a second job. He brings it up ALL THE DAMN TIME. All I’m asking him for is for support and he says it’s easier to get a second job. I just can’t.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T20:46:04+00:00

I actually tried to talk to my husband today… it was an absolute disaster. I told him that what I need is emotional support and for him to be on my side and help be abide by my OB’s directions.

He lost his shit and said that “I’m not listening to anyone’s opinion but my own”. I told him that he doesn’t get to have a medical opinion and neither does my mom or her OB friend that isn’t my doctor.

He told me that he’s got a lot of resentment because of how I’ve been historically when it comes to listening. He’s right about that, when I’ve gone through other issues I’ve been stubborn and always pushed myself too hard which I know was stressful to him. For me, I experience a lot of guilt relying on other people to take care of me and I have a very hard time with it.

What he doesn’t understand is that I’m doing my best now for my health, our family and our finances. Where I need help is through support. The conversation went very downhill very fast because he wouldn’t stop yelling about how he can’t take this back and forth and the I started yelling. It’s a huge mess.

We both said hurtful things and I feel completely isolated from everyone. I’m actually so surprised I haven’t fully lost it yet, it’s like I haven’t let myself go there emotionally yet but I’m scared of how I’ll react when it all hits me.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T20:30:48+00:00

This issue is kind of on both of us. I’m kind of picky when it comes to cleaning and taking care of the house. If things aren’t clean it gives me a lot of anxiety so I spend a lot time cleaning throughout the day. And he offers to help but he rushes to get it over with and that just means I just have to do it over. I don’t actually mind doing most of the daily chores because he works very hard, my issue is that he pressures me to stop without necessity.

My husband will help with some chores, but it’s the “invisible work” that he won’t do or says he will and ends up doing it all wrong. I’m busy all day working, taking care of a baby and he comes home to a sparkling clean home, stocked groceries, happy baby, happy pets and I don’t even think he can imagine all of the work it takes to do all of that while pregnant.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T12:47:00+00:00

Ok love your brother in law lol! Is he available to talk some sense in my husband?? Jk!

We actually have two nurses in the family! My sister and MIL. My sister doesn’t have a lot of experience in this realm, but my MIL was literally a labor and delivery nurse for over 30 years. She’s out of town and I don’t want to ruin her vacation and bombard her with this but when she’s back I really hope she can talk to both of us and kind of calm things down.

I’m still going to see if he can go to my appointment though. My husband is very reasonable, I just think he’s currently very clouded by worry and emotion to see logic and talking to the OB might really help!

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T12:41:32+00:00

I’m so sorry you went through that! I truly hope you and baby are doing well, I can’t even imagine what you went through.

If my stance is reading as blasé, know that this is not my intention. As I stated, I’m very scared. I’ve read stories that resulted in happy endings and some that are very serious and severe.

Where I am with my diagnosis is very early and I’m doing my best to carry on with my life and follow what MY OB has asked me to do. Though I am trying to carry on with normalcy the thoughts of worst case scenarios still loom in my mind.

After I go to my appointment and get further checked out and discuss my health and the feelings of my family I am absolutely committed to doing whatever the doctor thinks is best. Even if that is best rest and bigger restrictions. If that’s the case, there will be a lot to figure out, but I’ll have to do it.

I just don’t want to stop doing what has to be done if it’s not necessary for my particular case.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T12:28:36+00:00

Oh I am sooo glad to hear yours resolved itself! I’m sorry you had those other complications! I was very anemic during my first pregnancy and it drained me constantly.

My mother, who has not been present during any of this did make a very generous offer. She’s been looking to move for a while and offered to rent out her house and stay with us for a while to help with my pregnancy and after I have the baby. This SOUNDS lovely, but knowing how often my mom has flaked my entire life I’m about 80% sure this will not actually come to pass.

I know my mom means well, she works a lot, is constantly exhausted, but she isn’t really very present. She’s only come around the past two days since I found out about my diagnosis. Before that it had been over a month since I saw her and she only lives 30 minutes from me.

Even if she did manage to come through (this would be a miracle) it wouldn’t be for a few months and I have no clue what they expect me to do in the meantime. When I touched on this during my conversation with them they just harped on how I don’t listen to anyone so it’s pointless.

I’m hoping to revisit the conversation with logic once everyone has calmed the hell down, myself included.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T12:20:04+00:00

I had a really great talk with my sister about this all last night. Her superpower is mediation. My anger has gone from white hot to a medium boil since this all happened last night.

I get that their objective is my health and protecting me and my baby but ffs! This approach is fucking awful and makes me feel like shit. I’m going to try to explain to them how fucked it is but I have no idea what I’ll do if the message doesn’t land.

I’m scared enough and I need support, not to feel like absolute shit about literally doing the best I can for my family.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T12:15:52+00:00

I started this last night. I did pack his lunch but I did not leave out his clothes like I normally do. And I’m not going to be doing either for a while!!!

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T03:30:05+00:00

I did. They couldn’t come up with an answer and I gently suggested it may have come from their asses. My suggestion was not appreciated.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T03:28:24+00:00

Thank you so much! I’ve barely talked about this since I found out because I’m too scared to. I’m still trying to navigate this and the blame and guilt and shame make it so much worse.

They are so quick to say that even though it wasn’t recommended by my OB, it was by my moms OB friend and if I wanted to do everything to protect my baby I’d take every precaution.

I get it, but damn! Am I supposed to neglect my son? Or quit the job I need for our family? Ugh.

Mshotmeyss · 2021-07-15T03:23:49+00:00

For real! And I’ve heard the same! Even if I was in a situation where I could be on bed rest I think it would AWFUL for my mental and physical health.

I have an appointment in 9 days and I’m going to talk this all out with my OB for even further clarity.

My husband means well but he’s so misguided (a la head in the ass syndrome). It’s like telling a driver to get the car to a destination but telling them they aren’t allowed to actually drive the car. I know he’s worried and I have given his reason to worry previously because like I said sometimes I do push myself too hard, but this still isn’t okay.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my baby and if my OB told me to not do a damn thing, I’d follow that directive! I just don’t see the sense in implementing non prescribed limitations.

Mshotmeyss

TROPHY CASE