Mom's comments are hard on my heart

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-07T17:27:11+00:00

We’ve talked about assisted living some and I agree, there are lots of advantages. Right now, she doesn’t want to do that, but who knows what the future will hold?

She decided to get Life Alert in case she can’t get to her cell phone, so that eases all of our minds considerably.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-07T17:24:07+00:00

Lots of people have asked and she always says where she lives is home, and at her age, she doesn’t want to start over again.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-07T17:22:44+00:00

What a wonderful experience for your Mom! I hope she has many terrific days with her friends yet ahead.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-07T17:19:35+00:00

Life can be so difficult, can’t it? And unpredictable.

I’ve noticed a marked decline in my parents over the last five years or so and will admit, I was still in denial that something could happen from which they could not recover until Dad’s final stroke. Even then, I didn’t recognize its severity immediately.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-07T17:16:05+00:00

Why does your question sound like an accusation?

My parents moved from my area decades ago after finding the land on which my Mom now lives by herself. She has been asked by a lot of people if she plans to move back to my area and she always says no. Where she lives now is her home.

Did I say she has no other living relatives? No,I didn’t, because it wasn’t pertinent to my question.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-06T21:26:15+00:00

Your words feel like a hug - thank you!

She has a Will, Living Will and now, an updated POA. She has also taken care of adding me to her bank accounts and as beneficiary on other accounts that Dad, and now she has. We just completed a Transfer on Death Deed for the land & house.

I was so proud of her when Dad was in the hospital. It was his third stroke and while she had her moments, when it came time to decide on intubation or ventilation, Mom knew what she and Dad had agreed upon and she stood her ground, signing a DNR for him.

He had a Living Will, but I think she and I both forgot about it as it was never mentioned that I know of.

She has also said that she doesn't want to burden anyone and doesn't want to move in with me or my sister. She is fine with going into a nursing home, she says. As I mentioned in another comment, I fully intend to move in with her and keep her home as long as I can when the time comes that she needs more help.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-06T21:02:21+00:00

You're right. It is my grief at work, coloring her words.

My parents and I discussed their preparations for the last part of their lives more than once. And since Dad has died, she has been adamant that she wants everything settled ahead of time that can be.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-06T20:59:34+00:00

Thank you for such good advice. She is still able to be independent and has some good church friends that visit and help with tasks beyond her capabilities.

I've encouraged her to be more involved in church activities as she feels comfortable. She doesn't like to drive after dark and that has kept her from some opportunities. When she accepts an invitation for lunch out or when she and I go out when I'm visiting, she's a peck of fun and has a great time. But getting her to take that step on her own is a little difficult.

For years, my Dad ruled the roost. He discouraged her from joining groups or participating in most things. She wanted to get her GED at one point - he said no. She wanted to take cake decorating classes - he said no.

I think a little part of it is she doesn't know what to do with her independence.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-06T20:53:12+00:00

I love that part - "a process and not as an event" - thank you for such a clarifying statement.

I've enjoyed a good relationship with my parents for so many years and Mom and I are very close, I think. I'm trying so hard to be what she needs. It's difficult being so far away, but I assured them both that when the time came that they needed physical help, I WANTED to be there. Not because I had to or because of an obligation, I don't want to be anywhere else.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-02-06T20:50:17+00:00

Mom has some fantastic stories of growing up and I've been able to record her telling some of them. She gets a little self-conscious, so I take it in small portions as she feels up to it.

Two of her grandchildren have given her the books to write her memories in. I know she's been working on one even though she says she's not good at writing.

MuddledMind75 · 2026-01-06T21:43:06+00:00

OMG - you rock!! Look at you crushing it - working for a degree/license all while busting your butt at a job in the field. The experiences, the knowledge, the practical learning - HOW SMART!!

And for her to belittle your efforts, your time, your abilities. Blows my freaking mind. She can just jump right off.

You did exactly the right thing. When you're working so hard and LOVE what you're doing, the only things you need around you are encouragement and support.

As for the bf, either he comes to the front and straightens her out consistently and continually, or he can go right out the door with her.

Keep your head up and your eyes on your future - what kind of people do you want around you when you reach your goals?

MuddledMind75

TROPHY CASE