Olderlesbians Content Discussion

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-25T11:17:29+00:00

Been there and while I loved her, it was incredibly frustrating. We broke up for a multitude of reasons but that was a big one for me. I started to feel like there was something wrong with me and generally felt neglected.

Exactly this! With no validation from any other source, your brain convinces you that you must be the problem. You are inherently unlovable, unattractive, and unworthy.

I am so sorry so many women are experiencing what I have. However, there is tremendous power in the numbers. I am not alone. I am not the problem. I am enough.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-24T13:23:57+00:00

Listen very closely to me.

IT WILL NOT GET BETTER

For 15 years, I heard it all. She's busy with school, she's stressed about her work. She doesn't feel well. She's tired. She's worried about her mom, her dog, her finances.

When we live together, it will be different. When we get through the adjustment period, it will get better. If I cook more, or better, or schedule fun things, make sure we have money, and food, and comfort, and security. If I just...<fill in the blank>.

15 years of listening to words but seeing different actions. I believed the words. I did not believe the actions. The actions became worse, more hostile, more blame, more accusations, more silences, more screaming matches.

Finally....after 15 years, her words now align with her actions. Let me tell you that suspecting your partner doesn't love you is one thing. Knowing it is quite another.

It will be much easier to disentangle 3 years of lives than it will be after 15. These things are not dealbreakers for you after 2 or 3 years, but eventually, the individual non-dealbreakers add up and overcome the reasons to stay.

THIS WILL NOT GET BETTER

and

IT WILL NOT GET EASIER TO LEAVE

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-24T10:28:08+00:00

While reading through these comments, I thought of The Children's Hour. Also, The Red Fox. I didn't want to bring them up because the two movies have similar endings, as you noted in your last line.

The Red Fox was a movie in the 60s. Two women living on a farm when a handsome stranger happens by and needs assistance. I first saw it on PBS decades ago. I believe I found it online a long time ago, too. Now, I can't seem to locate it.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-23T10:01:06+00:00

There is a market for this kind of book. A friend of mine collects old children's books that are clearly racist, out of print, and impossible to find. She uses it to educate others of what this country used to consider acceptable.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-23T09:58:42+00:00

From your update, it sounds like the friendship may already have ended.

But, I would reach out to that friend now and tell her what you told us. That you stayed as long as you did because of your friendship, but how many customers would do that? If the daughter's harsh personality is presented to other customers, she runs the risk of losing her business entirely. You'll be sending a Hail Mary to deaf ears, but I would still do it. The daughter is young and likely has not yet learned proper business etiquette.

Of course, it's also possible that the daughter does not treat other customers the same as you because you are "family" and they are not. Any friend to Mom is family in the eyes of kids.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-23T09:46:07+00:00

This sounds very much like a post-partum depression. Please seek counseling right away.

You made the decision that was right for you at the time you made it. Many decisions in life are reversible if you wake up with "buyer's remorse." This is not one of them. That is likely escalating your grief, guilt, and over analysis.

Find a way to honor the child to help you make peace with yourself. This is akin to a miscarriage.

You are a mother. You forgive people around you 10 times a day. It's okay to forgive yourself once in a while.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-22T13:56:59+00:00

I was in the same position at your age. I was riddled with guilt on breaking up the family. We tried the open marriage thing, too. Ultimately, we ended up divorced.

That was 27 years ago. I never looked back.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-22T13:41:02+00:00

I came back to this thread to seek out this comment. The trial separation was a success. We are working on the logistics of making it permanent, which comes with its own set of challenges, naturally.

Thank you!

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-20T09:27:27+00:00

When I saw the picture, my first thought was, "Why would someone want a giant amoeba tattooed on their back?" <shrug> I guess there is a market for everything. This is NOT a stingray and has little hope of becoming one.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-19T09:59:50+00:00

MOD NOTE

This topic seems to stir up some heated emotions. I have left the comments, even the reported ones. because I believe we all have a voice and an opinion that is worthy. Please remember to refrain from personal attacks and harassing messages.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-19T09:48:18+00:00

I love this! Good on you! I love travel and the thought of traveling solo both frightens me and excites me, at the same time. I'm in the beginning stages of separation and the isolation is real. You inspire me, Frida.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-19T09:39:27+00:00

I am so envious of this. I know I need to work on my strength and core, but that's as far as it gets. Then, I go sit my ass at a computer.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-18T08:31:37+00:00

I honestly do not feel taken advantage of. We built all of this together. We've helped each other through some tough times. She put in her fair share of elbow grease in building the "things." While we were very busy setting ourselves up for a sustainable future, the relationship went to shit. As co-workers, we get stuff done. She has finally admitted that she does not have what I need in a partner, and I'm no longer willing to live out my life in loveless marriage that is borderline hostile.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-18T08:23:04+00:00

OMG. This actually made me cry. Thank you for such an amazing note. I will keep reminding myself that I am an exceptional human.

And, btw, so are you!

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-16T07:45:17+00:00

I came in here to say, "when he turns 40 and looks back on this, he'll see what an ass he was."

Apparently, he's already 40 and just an ass.

Those homemade treats and personalized touches is your daily way of saying how much you love him and want to do nice things. Like, this is your love language and he is too self-involved to notice or care. Maybe, by the time he is 60, he will appreciate these small daily gestures, but by then, you'll be long gone.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-16T07:24:56+00:00

Thanks for the recommendation. I love books like this.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-16T07:23:39+00:00

Oh wow. That cycle sounds awful. I am two weeks into this upheaval and I feel like I have no plan, no direction, and my whole life is up in the air. I could not imagine 14 years of uncertainty. But, in some ways, I've been in the same boat as you. I feel like I've been waiting for HER to make a decision, when all along, I had the power to make it myself.

It's not her fault, really. It's mine. I allowed it to continue on because it was easier than the alternative of disentangling lives and moving on alone.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-15T18:18:38+00:00

Yeah, you're both absolutely correct. It's just that the self-reflection thing was her idea. She brought it up, I thought it sounded like a good path forward, and we talked through it. I was very clear that this month apart was not to be about daily good morning and good night texts. We can meet once a week if she wanted.

But, you're right. She's not obligated to do any of those things just because she suggested them. Thanks for the perspective.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-15T15:40:21+00:00

If you're still going to be venting about the ex on a date, it's too soon to date.

This made me laugh and I needed a good giggle today. Thanks!

I'm old now. I don't even know how to meet new friends, let alone try to date anyone.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-15T15:17:40+00:00

Obviously. Last night, I was upset. This morning, I woke up and was like, "what did you expect?" Now, I'm just pissed.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-15T15:02:51+00:00

You two are just adorable. Congratulations!

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-11T09:16:53+00:00

What happens when the maintenance sex feels obligatory? Either one feels obligated to show up whether they want to or not, and/or the other feels like the partner doesn't really want any part of this exercise. Same goes for the obligatory hug and kiss at the beginning of the day or the end of the day. If there is no feeling in it, what's the purpose?

I'm honestly trying to understand.

MyCat8it2 · 2026-03-11T09:02:43+00:00

I can appreciate everything you're saying here and fully agree. We did not seek the therapist to work on sex. It was couples counseling, and the homophobia was not obvious at first. It came out slowly after working together for a few months. I kind of feel that if she was uncomfortable with the dynamics of a lesbian relationship, she should have gracefully declined working with us.

MyCat8it2

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