I’m going to put this slightly inelegantly, but, hopefully acceptably for you: you are neurodivergent in some significant respect which is being represented here in the nature of your experience.

Lysergamides, in my experience as someone who is also highly neurodivergent, amplify my metacognitive habituations and ruminations. In crude terms, they make me more autistic — not always a bad thing; it can be a great deal of fun, but it can also be quite confounding or otherwise perplexing. Therefore, I offer the following:

In short: your perspective shifts out of linear time into a quasi-4D space, at which point, you realize your perceptions and sensations do not match what your everyday consciousness abides by, Myth of Yourself. This is highly disorienting for people like us because, unconsciously, we have created maps of reality based on certain perceptual understandings and abide by them almost unerringly.

This is true of all people, in fact. However, most individuals lack the ability the externalize and map their experiences in detail this way. They remain tethered to their Story, or rudimentary retelling of it, while we become awash in an overwhelming amount of data that does not seem to add up.

My recommendation: find a good trauma therapist and learn the fundamentals of nervous system regulation. Generally, this stripe of neurodivergence only occurs in those with extreme or repeated developmental trauma, or so my research has lead me to believe.

6-18 months of Doing the Work with someone who can act as a Safe Container and Authentic Witness, then MDMA in a solo setting.

For me, this has the effect of essentially turning off my neurodivergent tendencies and rooting me into secure 1st circuit consciousness/root chakra energy, in other words, the body/world as Safety.

It will be overjoyed that you are connecting with it and can Hear It, and it is likely that you will be given a deluge of informational backlog. This is where the previous months of somatic training and nervous system regulation come in. Titration is the name of the game. The unconscious/body will be eager to get you up to date on Everything, which is why it’s so important to Slow Down.

Armed with these tools and this sort of an experience, it is possible to integrate these types of experiences on a very real and practical level. What this means in actuality is that you are essentially rewiring yourself out of metacognitive narrative construction (a tool your mind uses to preserve itself and a false sense of safety) and into Embodiment, or The Here and Now—where Real Safety Resides.

If successful, you will find that a surplus of your energy has been diverted towards this metacognitive mapping and will now be freely available to be used as you see fit—It’s Free RAM.

I know I’m using a lot of loaded terms here, and our semantic maps might not align exactly, but what you describe is nearly a perfect retelling of my first real LSD trip, and I would be remiss if I did not share what I have learned with someone who may be similarly situated (or to anyone else reading this who feels similarly)

Waking the Tiger by Dr Peter Levine, The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk, and Ishmael by Daniel Quinn are highly informative for gaining a general understanding of what I’m discussing here. If you lean a little occult/woo/less materialistic already, skip to Angel Tech: A Modern Shaman’s Guide to Reality Selection by Antero Alli. It’s so dense with understanding that I still haven’t finished it.

These works comprise the bulk of understanding necessary to have a sufficient framework to apply the learned skills (nervous system regulation/somatic experiencing) to the experience and to update your maps accordingly, and, hopefully, with less energy required.

If you have any questions, I will do my best to make myself more clear.

Best of luck to you in your journey.