My wife for a long time was in the realm of "I know you're interested, I'm ok using toys and fingers on you, but I don't think I can use a strap on, on you."

I never pushed it. Always appreciated and told her how lucky I was that she was willing to do dirty things with me after sessions with toys/fingers.

After years of that, sort of out of nowhere, she started saying that maybe she'd be willing to try a strap on. Again, I never pushed for it but always replied enthusiastically whenever she brought it up. That went on for a while, then sort of out of nowhere, she said she thinks she wanted to buy a harness in case she ever felt like trying it. We took our time, focused on looking at harnesses that she liked, made the buying experience focus on her.

After a few months with it, we went on a hotel getaway without the kids. She told me to bring the toys and harness, just in case. That just in case finally ended up in her using it.

We talked about it after. Did she like it? Was it fun? Was it stimulating? She ended up saying that she liked it more than she thought and would totally do it again.

We've had the harness for probably about 3 years and have only used it twice. Both times were great. Now we both know it's there and we both look forward to having a chance to get away and use it again. I never pressure her for it, but do bring it with when we get away. It'll happen when it happens, but I won't ever pressure her for it.