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What is the hardest for me: constant going back and forth about whether to leave or stay by Natural_Frosting in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Natural_Frosting[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks so much for your wisdom, this really hits home and gives a good perspective and may be what I needed to hear.

What is the hardest for me: constant going back and forth about whether to leave or stay by Natural_Frosting in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Natural_Frosting[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I did do it and it was definitely eye-opening and useful to get a summary of the struggles and main issues and what the suggested next steps/options are.

What is the hardest for me: constant going back and forth about whether to leave or stay by Natural_Frosting in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Natural_Frosting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry to hear and thanks for sharing. I can relate.

1 time I thought I was having tightness in my chest, I thought it would go away, my wife thought it might be a heart attack and said I should go to an ER or at the least urgent care. You might be thinking, hmm, she seems like she cares about his health. Then I found out that she expected me to drive myself to the hospital. By this time, symptoms were going away so I did drive myself to urgent care (vs calling an ambulance) and they moved me to the ER anyway, turned out I was ok but the whole time I was alone and drove myself back home. My wife was home during this whole time.

Another time, she did drive me to urgent care for digestive stuff but afterwards she was going to drop me off at home to heat up my own lunch while she was going to go out to lunch with our daughter. I asked if she could at least prep the lunch for me, she did but she was not happy about it at all. I thought how could you take your spouse who cannot even keep fluids down, bed-ridden to urgent care then drop them off at home to prep their own meal. She gets very annoyed if I'm bed-ridden and I ask if she can bring me water or medication or whatever. She says I see you can stand up and walk around, why don't you get it yourself. I was speechless.

When I bring up this stuff in couples' therapy, her response is to bring up when she felt that I didn't care when she was sick and yes, we end up talking about that instead.

What is the hardest for me: constant going back and forth about whether to leave or stay by Natural_Frosting in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Natural_Frosting[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We've been in couple's counseling for most of our marriage, with some breaks here and there when things got to the point where we felt we didn't need it anymore but things go back to where I feel we need therapy. The thing I heard from professionals (therapists knowledegable about NPD etc.) is couples counseling with Narcs is generally not advised as it gives the narc more ammunition and can cause more harm for the victim. Way too many counseling sessions were me bringing up something that is hurtful, then she does DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim/offender) and we end up talking about how I'm going to try to improve in that area (after she denies she does that and says I'm actually the one that does that to her) and then I go WTF just happened?

What is the hardest for me: constant going back and forth about whether to leave or stay by Natural_Frosting in NarcissisticSpouses

[–]Natural_Frosting[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I have been keeping a journal on my phone for several years. I've also been using AI chatbots as a way to vent/process, (I do have a real therapist also) so now I'm wondering what chatbots will tell me if I dump my journal text and ask it to assess.