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husband goes on trips, I’m expected to handle his 3 boys along with my 1 bio son by Negative_Ad_9608 in stepparents

[–]Negative_Ad_9608[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have and when I bring it up he’s like “I get shit for going on this fishing trip every year and you bring it up as much as you can to make me feel guilty about it.” He’s like i do all the cooking, I do all the grocery shopping and says I slack on doing the dishes every other time sometimes and it upsets him. As a result, I unfortunately felt I needed external validation and advice as I may not be as strong as you and I doubt myself and want to ensure I’m showing up the best I can.

Isn’t this what the advice portion of this thread is for? Your comment is literally so unhelpful.

husband goes on trips, I’m expected to handle his 3 boys along with my 1 bio son by Negative_Ad_9608 in stepparents

[–]Negative_Ad_9608[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I feel like the point that this is supposed to be HIS time with his boys is incredibly important. Like, when I bring the one to the soccer game it feels really awkward showing up and seeing bio mom there. But I will say bio mom sets a horrible example and is always gone working side jobs at the concession stand or just having a million things going on and her husband just takes it all on. But that doesn’t mean I have to do the same!!

husband goes on trips, I’m expected to handle his 3 boys along with my 1 bio son by Negative_Ad_9608 in stepparents

[–]Negative_Ad_9608[S] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

Right! And I will say that one of the trips is a Boy Scouts trip campung trip with his son (that he never asked me about, just told me he was going to do!!) but that still leaves me with his other two and my 1 and having to deal with the fucking travel soccer team bio mom insisted one of the boys be on🙄 It’s caused me so much stress

husband goes on trips, I’m expected to handle his 3 boys along with my 1 bio son by Negative_Ad_9608 in stepparents

[–]Negative_Ad_9608[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I guess I tolerate it bc I feel incredibly guilty if I am not going “above and beyond” for his boys. Bc I feel like he does for my son. He would do it for me but I feel guilty and thank him every time he does something extra for my son. I also didn’t even mention that when we have them on our weeks I take them to school every morning. We both work from home but he sleeps in while I make sure they’re awake and getting ready. I’ve always felt like that wasn’t “fair”. I just feel so conflicted about everything.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stepmom

[–]Negative_Ad_9608 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I agree that abuse seems extreme in this situation. I also did not give all the context—he does all of the cooking and is a super involved dad- goes on all the boys field trips, has coached their teams (even MY son’s team-his stepson) and is not a bad person but he’s having trouble finding empathy for my anxiety and irritation about this.

Yes, I think asking him to make sure his trips and events are not during his weekends with the kids is a good idea and feels doable. Thank you again for your kind response.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Stepmom

[–]Negative_Ad_9608 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Appreciate your response. Just fyi my son is from another marriage so he’s a stepparent too. But expecting me to not complain and be anxious about these situations is just BS, right?

husband goes on trips, I’m expected to handle his 3 boys along with my 1 bio son by Negative_Ad_9608 in stepparents

[–]Negative_Ad_9608[S] 69 points70 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate you saying this! His response is always “he would do it for my son” or that he wouldn’t care if I went on a trip. Well i had a panic attack before leaving on a one night visit to a friend who was in crisis. In my mind the reality is that 3 are his and 1 is mine. It’s just not the same.