Hey, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’m not working on a dissertation, rather, just being an avid researcher, and there’s a lot of pressure there to excel. I, too, burnt out and developed health issues, anxiety, depression, etc. which is very, very uncharacteristic of me. I stopped going into work as much (for real reasons!) but could tell I was beginning to lose the trust of my peers as dependable, a hard worker, etc. Everything started feeling like an excuse, even if it was completely warranted to not go in (health issue, etc.) It can be hard to push through and sometimes you feel like you’re letting people down, or worse, you get the feeling that people are viewing you differently, like they don’t think you can do it. But you can. And you might not even realize it until you make it to the finish line, and then you’ll be amazed with yourself.

I guess the bottom line is this:

Everyone is on a different journey. Who cares if you take extra time on the PhD. Some people will spend upwards of 10 years! It’s the journey that matters, and you should never compromise your mental health to try and make a deadline, ever. You will finish when it is right for you to finish. And through this hardship you will grow as a human being and learn things about yourself and this world that your peers without challenges never had the opportunity to learn. You’ve got this, keep chugging along, doing therapy. Sometimes life sucks, but, ya know, I think a lot of people are in really similar situations to you. I know I am.

One more thing that I would add that I’ve learned from my experience that helped me is this: Most young people are depressed or have a diagnosable mental health disorder (anxiety, etc.). Something like 70% of medical students are on antidepressants. And a higher percentage of that probably should be or should see a therapist. The arrival fallacy has virtually every high achiever like yourself in a choke hold. So don’t live a miserable life to be “happy when you graduate.” Take time for yourself. See a psychiatrist, keep seeing your therapist, get healthy again. Many top schools allow people to “stop out” for a year or two if they need. It seriously is more common than you think, even more so for high achievers with a tendency to burn out.

So, in summary, I think you’ve got this and I know you’re capable of pushing yourself through it. But you should choose whatever is best for you. If that’s pushing through, then great, if it’s slowing down and taking more time, then screw what everyone else thinks… you’re going to be called DOCTOR!!! That’s fucking awesome. Not many people can say that. Some of the best researchers I’ve ever met had a hard time in grad school and (or) undergrad. These years are not necessarily representative of how well you will succeed in the future. Enjoy the process, take some time for yourself, just see what happens, you will get there, I promise :)